Oktob3RR4iN's blog: "My thoughts for today"

I never thought in an instance that even though I am in Criminal Justice that one of my own children would be a witness to something terrible that would be with them for the rest of their life. In an instant my 14 year olds life was changed forever. I know after you read what happened you will wonder but I am still wondering. My son and many of the kids here where I live would go down to another kids house not but a few doors down to play games on the computer. Well my son had only been away from the house for 15-20 minutes....before he walks into the house white as a ghost and holding his stomach....all that would come out of his mouth would Joe shot himself....My baby had to see one of his close friends shoot himself with a 12 gauge shotgun. I know your first thoughts is where were the parents of this kid. The boy was 16 years old...his mom was on her way home from work at the time....The neighbor had been in and out. We are still not sure what exactly happened...But my son along with the boys sister and 2 other girls witnessed what happened. All I can do now is just be there for my son. He is dealing with so much and I will never know what he is going through. I mean I am glad in a way that his stepfather does understand because he has been through something just like that. I hate just thinking of what my precious angel is dealing with mentally. I am being as strong as I can for him. My baby couldn't even stay here at home last night because he didn't want to be near the house where this happened...So his Nana ended up coming to get him. Of course I myself hardly slept last night because of worrying about him. I know that my son wouldn't have slept last night. I only hope that he will soon be at least halfway back to normal. So if here in the next few days you may or may not see me very much online.....Just be there for your kids and hug them, tell them you love them and always talk to them about anything and everything and always let them know they can come to you about anything no matter what time it is...They have so much to deal with these days...Most have to deal with things that we didn't even think about at their age. Well I am not even sure what else to say...Just everyone have a great day and enjoy spending time with your family.....Have a great memorial day weekend...

Hey check it out...I have added snapvine message box to my profile...I hope that at least some of my friends and fans will care enough to leave me a message....If you have one let me know and I will gladly drop you a voice message and show u sum love...Or if you are just feeling lonely and need a comment let me know yea I can leave that too...I don't mind at all. Sooo come on and sayyyyy something let me know you are here...Can't wait to hear from you....muahhhhh thanks R4v3Ns Send me a VoiceComment. It's FREE! Just call 1(641)985-7878 and enter *4243057. And, if you have a VoicePlayer too, I'll reply. http://www.snapvine.com

Well today has been really scary for me. Well it sorta started yesterday but I just blew it off and didn't think much of it. Well I do have to say that when your body is trying to tell you something is wrong listen. I honestly thought it would be worse because of the way I was feeling but it came out better. Since yesterday my left hand and arm has been numb and tingling, and I have had a headache everyday for a week. Yea so what happens to pop in your head now? Well because of my family history of heart attack,high blood pressure,stroke, and diabetes..you can imagine what crossed my mind. Of course I take after my dad and well I really try to put it off. Well after numerous times of my hubby begging me plus a very very close dear friend begging me to go be seen I do. Yes and well you know emergency rooms. Well I ended up having blood drawn,a catscan, and ekg. So after all of that and the very long wait I am told that due to a combination of accidents from my past I have a pinched nerve in my neck that is causing the numbness and tingling..plus the headaches....So even though that was something mild for me(other than the weird feeling in my arm im having right now). It scared me...Yes at 33 years old I was scared that they were going to tell me something really bad. All I could think of at that very moment was my 2 teenage boys..My heart,my angels, my everything I have. So when your body is actually trying to let you know something isnt right..Pay attention...Ok well I think I have rambled enough..Another thing until this clears up you may not see me online as much for a few days. It gets really hard to type like this....So please everyone think of me and I hope that I will see you all soon....Thanks for all your support...R4v3Ns

Well I am just sick and tired of all the drama, the bs that goes on and the dumbasses who just tell ya one thing and then of course it changes in a matter of no time. I can't stand for someone to just lie to me about something thinking it will just blow over if they wait long enough. Yea ok whatever. I mean hell I am 33 years old, a mother and here in about 9 weeks will be a college graduate, and moving on to more college. I don't have time for the childish crap, and I don't have time for those that just want to grab on, hang there for awhile then just like that you never hear from them ever again. Yea there are plenty of times that someone may not hear from me for at least a little while but eventually I do get back to ya. All ya have to do is drop me a line say hello I don't mind saying hi back. I have a very busy life and not enough time for alot of other things. I don't go out and party, whats the sense in it. I love making friends but at least those who are gonna stand by me when times get tough no matter what life throws at ya. Hell I have been there. I have been through alot more than I want to remember and I survived it. Just if you are going to tell someone something at least stand by what you say.

Well I was having a moment so forgive me. I just wanted to just write because I just have so much going on these days. I mean who the hell doesn't.Well I am sure that there are alot of you out there that like me suffer from insomnia. Yea its not fun because regardless of how tired you are you just can't sleep like you really need to. I know I really suffer and when it hits me well I will be down for a little while. Last night for instance I was up all night until like 6 am this morning and of course right back up at 9:30 am. Its like I cannot sleep regardless that I really need it. I so need it but I can't and yes sometimes has made me feel really ill. Well for those who seem to have this same problem with lack of sleep and are still going on hang in there. For those who have no problem getting to sleep well trust me be happy you can sleep. ok I think I have rambled enough for now as you can tell my brain is thinking more than it probably needs to at the moment. LAtersssss Quote from the R4v3Ns
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I just have to say that I have noticed there is alot of drama going on here. I mean come on aren't we all adults here? There are alot of great people out there and I have some of them on my friends list. I have met some great people on here but you know some of those people are seriously thinking that they just have no need to be on here anymore because the way that some others on here act. I mean if you are an adult act like one. Don't do all the childish bs..If ya want that then take it somewhere else. I know for one that I can't stand to be around someone that just downrates everyone or acts childish and it being so unneccessary. Well I guess thats enough on my thoughts...So until next time....

Well some of you don't know but I went through a very abusive relationship years ago. I suffered from many bruises,my nose being broke,black eyes,my body just aching in places I couldn't imagine hurting. I survived that, and yes I can say that I suvived because I am still here and I no longer have to deal with that and haven't for 10 years. But yes I still have those moments when something triggers memories. Yes tney hurt, and yes they will always be there. FOr those of you who have never had to deal with something like this you can't say you know what I am going through because you don't. For those who have been through it well I just hope that when you are reading this that you have been stron enough to get out like I did Someone like that will never change. I know this because he's still that way. At this point in my life I have become stronger than him and I control every situation. He knows that I will hang up on him if he gets out of hand when talking about our children. Even through all the damage he has done to my mind,body and soul. I have my life. ANother thing is if you are reading this and you know someone that is in an abusive relationship just understand they need help.BUt also leaving isnt as easy as you may think. I know this from personal experience. Yes there are alot of things that I went through that is not listed but thats because its too graphic and too painful. But even though I live with it I understand that I am alive, I have my boys with me and I become stronger and stronger. I pray that I will continue to be strong even when my pain gets the best of me. Well I know you are wondering what my purpose was for writing this. Well awareness for one, two to get some thoughts out of my head....Well take care and just remember to take care of those who need it. You never know ..The life you save may be your own......

Yes I do have something on my mind but I'm not really sure what it is. Mymind kinda just seems blank right now so I figured maybe by some miracle if I started typing that it may come out. I mean its been a quiet and peaceful day. None of the craziness thats been going on...My boys have been either sitting here watching some funny videos on youtube with me or playing outside. Its like I feel lost at the moment in this open abyss and I just keep falling and falling and still nothing there. You may think by reading this that I'm upset or depressed about something. Well don't worry I'm not. I guess I just needed to type something to kickstart my mind again....lol....

Well tomorrow begins another quarter at school. Finally I have made it to my last one. Yes I will be graduating soon. July 12th will be my final day of school and I couldn't be happier. This has been a long 2 years for me. Lots of very stressful and restless nights. Many times stressing out over research papers that I actually came out doing very well on. This one I know will be my hardest. I will be taking Forensics this qtr. so stress is more an understatment. Yes I will be so excited to finally walk out of those doors and know that it will be my last and final day.I know that the actual ceremony won't be held until October but its well worth the wait. Then I move on to bigger things.

Well I might be rambling but what can I say. Im in one of those moods I guess. Right now I am sitting here and being bored outta my damn mind. I do have to say that my life is so outta wack. I think my brain has went on permanent vacation since I started back in college 2 years ago. Thank goodness I am almost finished with that. Yea 12 more weeks, the best part is that its the class I have been waiting to take the whole time. Forensics......Anyways. I am just ready to get school over with and move away from where I am now. Its hard I know because my family is here but I do have to say I do much better when I am not close to them. I love them all dearly and god knows I would do anything for them. But theres that thing called "you have been used"....Yes I know that well. They have a tendancy to elect me to do things without consulting me first cause they know i have a problem telling them no. I guess cause I have a big heart when it comes to the ones that I love.My boys there is no doubt I would do anything to make them happy. I love them dearly. Anyways I think I have rambled enough