TWISTED NINJETTExX CTP's blog: "My Writings"

I have friends and I have "friends" now I am slowly maybe to slowly learning who fits where in my life. Now you may be wondering "What the hell is she talking about?" Let me explain: I am sitting a friends house right now yes a friend not a "friend" and just an hour ago I was sittting here telling My Baby and a few others in their Lounge that I was told to leave because he thinks I ran mouth about his kids. When in all reality I was trying to stand up for him and his kids to someone who would do just that and run their mouths as he was telling this girl everything that goes on here, now just so u know I dont run my mouth about anyone. Well as I was gathering my thing to leave he stopped me and asked me what I was doing. I stopped, looked at him with my *are you serious* *Ur an idiot* look and asked REALLY!? He looked confused (keep in mind hes trashed) and I said "Don't talk to me" "leave me alone" and turned and walked back into the bedroom to get my stuff, he proceeded to follow me and grab my arm to spin me around and get in my face and tell me "dont walk away from me". I told him to get the fuck out of my face and told him he was an asshole. I told him he was dead wrong and I was only trying to stand up for him and he said I know ur more family than my own family is and I love U to death for that. I asked him then why do U treat me like this???  He told me he was confused and felt like he was cornered cuz he had me a friend and this girl who is a "friend" telling him 2 differant things and I said "Look I have been here since day one" "I amm here everyday" "she dont know shit" so he told me he was sorry and gave me a hug.

Now U may be confused as to why Im blogging about this??? Well mainly because I am so tired of people accusing me of doing this and doing that around here that I cant believe I even talk to anyone anymore I talk to one person and pretty soon everyone in town is asking "is this true" "is that true" and all I say is where U hear that??  From so and so is the reply. But I know I got people like my friend who have my back. I am so lucky to have friends like him. So to those who have my back AND U KNOW WHO U R:  I LOVE U ALL AND STAY TRUE TO UR SELF UR ALL WONDERFUL!!!!!

People always ask " So what do U do for fun?" To answer I say hangout with family and friiends. Right now I am sitting my best friends house chillin and I mean CHILLIN she is next to me on a laptop doin her thing, her fiance and his friend are gamin, her fiances sister is here playin with her son and we are all relaxed and happy. I dont have time for myself these days so a night like this is AWESOME where I can just chill and be me and do me. Not have to worry about getting other peoples kids to school or make sure they dont tear up the house vacuum 4 times a day that is my day and it sucks. So I come over here on the 2 days that he has off and can watch his own kids its soooo Awesome. I am just a little worried that Im not getting things done that I need to get done.The longer it takes me to do these things the worse my life will get so I fight with myself everyday do I quit or do I stay and take care of someones elses kids???? That has to change. I have to make a choice so all I ask is that you my friends keep me in your prayers that I can make the right choice.

Well finally my life makes sense again 

After all I have been through

Love, Love Lose,and much more

But finally I have moved on

I finally decided to let it go

So in case certain people wonder

Know that my life is my own again

I choose to be ok

I choose to be HAPPY

I CHOOSE to my ME

So just know ur influence is done

Your memory is just that

Its all a part of my past

YOU are a part of my past

That is where you will forever be

No longer am I gonna be

A fish at the end of your hook

A puppy at the end of your leash

Where all you had to do was tug

And BAM there I am again

You are nothing but games

Heartache that would not die

Well its dead now done

I will not let myself be drawn back in again

We both have separate lives to live

So go and live yours

Im living mine for me

Im gonna be just fine

Just so you know 

You dont have to ask anymore

My Life is mine now

And Damn it feels good.

                                                                               I Believe Again

Trust, a word that doesn't have meaning to many people

Honor, a word that many have no clue what it means

Faith, a word that I have no perception of anymore

Love, a word that is just that to many people.

You have helped me believe that I may be able to believe in these words again

All I know is before you came along I was not me

I didn't know who I was or what to do to find out who I was

Then you came along.

You the one who can make me laugh at the drop of a hat 

No matter how I am feeling you make me feel better

I can't wait to talk to you everyday

I can't wait to see you now.

I think I am in love with you I just have to make sure before I say it

But when I think about you all can do is smile like I have some great secret

I can only hope you feel the same way

You say your gettin there so get there already....

Life is funny and I know that if it weren't for you I would have made a bad choice

I would have fallen for someone that was destine to hurt me

I of course would have had to have paid the consequences

Because well that is what I do I make bad choices and pay dearly.

Well those days are over for me because now I have you

Only question is do you want me like that?

I know you do because you have fallen you said so yourself

Only thing left is to decide where to go from here.....

                                                                                 Everything Changes

If you walked away what could I really do????

Yes I would miss you but I am sure I would eventually be ok

I would learn to feel again after awhile

Even though my heart would be crushed.

Maybe we could eventually pull through

But if not I would learn to forgive you

It just might take awhile

Does it really matter does it change how you feel??

I am just the mess you chose the closet you can't close

Everything changes eventually so I can't expect you to be around forever

Sometimes we may have to play a few games to make sure its real

Just remember everything changes.

Who knows what we could do together

Our love is real and true

We can even conquer the world

But if you just walked away what could I really say????

The wounds never really heal but they get better as time goes by

Sometimes the things I say may hurt but know they aren't from the heart

Because I really do love you and nothing I mean NOTHING can change that

Everything changes but that never will so know that I love you forever.......

                                                     FOREVER IS MORE THAN JUST A WORD!!!!!!!

                                                                      Act Your Age

What is wrong with people these days

They just can't act their age

We are grown people right??

So why can't we act like it??

I have dealt with multile people these last few weeks

They just can't seem to act grownI mean ok yeah you had a problem with me

 Guess what it was dealt with you got your way

So leave it be why take it further than it needs to be

I am so sick of people doing things they think are hurting me

Because in all reality it isn't hurting me

It's pissing me off and Im really about to just go off on someone

It won't be pretty let me tell you this much........

Stay the hell out of my life leave me and my kids names out of your mouth

For one they  have nothing to do with what is going on between you and me

They are innocent bystanders and you don't even know them

Tell ya what you still got a problem with me come get me

I will tell you where I am and you can come deal with me and LEAVE MY KIDS ALONE

You stupid ignorant wenchs you have dealt with the wrong one this time.

READY HERE I AM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                                        Love: To The One I Love

How can you call it love??

You walked away so easily

Like i was never there

How can you hurt me like this??
 

I did nothing but love you

You in turn went and broke my heart

I thought you were differant

Guess i was wrong.
 

Now here I sit in tears 

Listening to memories

Songs you said were ours

Wow how that hurts.
 

Why did you do it??

That is all i want to know

But do you answer

No you just block me out.
 

You would rather act like i was never there

Than to face up and tell me its over 

So I have made the decission on myy own

I cant wait anymore I have to move on.
 

Its gonna tear me apart but i have no choice i have to live life

So if you suddenly decide you want me back

Its to late you made ur choice.

So goodbye nad good luck.