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Ronald Reagan

"The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the goverment and I'm here to help." -Ronald Reagan

The O'Malley twins

A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink. Why of course, comes the reply. The first man then asks: Where are you from? I'm from Ireland, replies the second man. The first man responds: You don't say, I'm from Ireland too! Let's have another round to Ireland. Of Course, replies the second man. Curious, the first man then asks:"Where in Ireland are you from? Dublin, comes the reply. I can't believe it, says the first man."I'm from Dublin too! Let's have another drink to Dublin. Of course, replies the second man. Curiosity again strikes and the first man asks: What school did you go to? Saint Mary's, replies the second man. I graduated in 62. This is unbelievable! the first man says. I went to Saint Mary's and I graduated in '62, too! About that time in comes one of the regulars and sits down at the bar. What's been going on? he asks the bartender. Nothing much, replies the bartender. The O'Malley twins are drunk again.

TIME GETS BETTER WITH AGE

I've learned that I like my teacher because she cries when we sings "Silent Night". Age 5 I've learned that our dog doesn't want to eat my broccoli either. Age 7 I've learned that when I wave to people in the country, they stop what they are doing and wave back. Age 9 I've learned that just when I get my room the way I like it, Mom makes me clean it up again. Age 12 I've learned that if you want to cheer yourself up, you should try cheering someone else up. Age 14 I've learned that although it's hard to admit it, I'm secretly glad my parents are strict with me. Age 15 I've learned that silent company is often more healing than words of advice. Age 24 I've learned that brushing my child's hair is one of life's great pleasures. Age 26 I've learned that wherever I go, the world's worst drivers have followed me there. Age 29 I've learned that if someone says something unkind about me, I must live so that no one will believe it. Age 30 I've learned that there are people who love you dearly but just don't know how to show it. Age 42 I've learned that you can make some one's day by simply sending them a little note. Age 44 I've learned that the greater a person's sense of guilt, the greater his or her need to cast blame on others. Age 46 I've learned that children and grandparents are natural allies. Age 47 I've learned that no matter what happens, or how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow. Age 48 I've learned that singing "Amazing Grace" can lift my spirits for hours. Age 49 I've learned that motel mattresses are better on the side away from the phone. Age 50 I've learned that you can tell a lot about a man by the way he handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights. Age 51 I've learned that keeping a vegetable garden is worth a medicine cabinet full of pills. Age 52 I've learned that regardless of your relationship with your parents, you miss them terribly after they die. Age 53 I've learned that making a living is not the same thing as making a life. Age 58 I've learned that if you want to do something positive for your children, work to improve your marriage. Age 61 I've learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance. Age 62 I've learned that you shouldn't go through life with a catchers mitt on both hands. You need to be able to throw something back. Age 64 I've learned that if you pursue happiness, it will elude you. But if you focus on your family, the needs of others, your work, meeting new people, and doing the very best you can, happiness will find you. Age 65 I've learned that whenever I decide something with kindness, I usually make the right decision. Age 66 I've learned that everyone can use a prayer. Age 72 I've learned that even when I have pains, I don't have to be one. Age 82 I've learned that every day you should reach out and touch someone. People love that human touch-holding hands, a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back. Age 90 I've learned that I still have a lot to learn. Age 92 I've learned that you should pass this one on to someone you care about. Sometimes they just need a little something to make them smile.

two tools in life

You only need two tools in life - WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn't move and it should, use the WD-40. If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape.

Who

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?"

YOUR AGE BY EATING OUT

1. First all, pick the number of times a week that you would like to go out to eat. (more than once but less than 10) 2. Multiply this number by 2 (just to be bold) 3. Add 5 4. Multiply it by 50 5. If have already had your birthday this year add 1757 .... If you haven't, add 1756. 6. Now subtract the four-digit year that you were born. You should have a tree digit number The first digit of the was your original number (I.e., how! Many times you want to go out to restaurants in a week.) The next two numbers are YOUR AGE! (Oh YES, it is!!!!!)
You are charming.

QuizUniverse.com

You are very bright, and able to completely express yourself verbally. You have a lot of charisma and people are naturally attracted to you.

'What is your seduction style?' at QuizUniverse.com
Using your body

shh.jpg

Your sexual hidden talent is using your body's natural charm and beauty to seduce your partner. You are all about having the perfect body/looking good for your partner - and it does the trick every time.

Take this quiz at QuizUniverse.com

What is your Sexual IQ?

You have a sexual IQ of 134

brain.jpg

When it comes to sex, you are a super genius. You have had a lot of experience, and sex interests you so you know a lot about it. You pride yourself on being a source of information and guidance to all of your friends.

Take this quiz at QuizUniverse.com
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