10. Word on the street is the booze has been trash talking you all day.
9. Dude, after what you did last time, you gotta go back out there and explain yourself.
8. Churchill and FDR got drunk, Hitler didn’t. So what are you, some kind of Nazi?
7. If you don’t you’ll wake up in the morning all bright eyed and bushy tailed, and who the hell wants to go through life acting like a goddamn squirrel?
6. Your friends can’t have a good time without you.
5. Your friends might have a good time without you.
4. You’re under a lot of stress and if you don’t get crazy drunk you might do something crazy sober.
3. Hemingway shot himself after being sober for two months.
2. When your coworkers ask "What did you get up to last night?" you can smile all cool like and say "Maaaaaan, you don’t wanna know," instead of chirping "I alphabetized my DVD collection and found out I have two copies of The Truth About Cats and Dogs! Two!"
1. It’s so much easier to ring up those old flames and explain exactly where they went wrong.
