Well... This is my 2008 in review... Well little bit of 2007 too. Things since August 2007 have really shaken my life up and brought me to where I am now.
August 2007 both my grandpa's ended up in the hospital. My Grandpa Mathies for congestive heart failure and needing a pace maker. And at the very same time my Grandpa Hogan because everything pretty much shut down. He had been in chronic liver failure for years. I left La Grande to be with my Grandpa Hogan. It wasn't looking good, my mom even flew back from Florida after being there for less than 24 hours to be at the hospital. Me and about 13 family members were with my Grandpa when he passed away. My uncle was just saying the Rosary prayer when he said the last line, my Grandpa took his last breath. Through all of that and the things followed the next few days was really rough. Tried to be strong for mom and stick up for her with something going on. I begged my husband at the time to be there with me and he chose to go back to La Grande to work. At the funeral he didn't sit with me or hug me at all. My mother in law Jan did, but Jon wasn't there for me at all. A few nights later all he could say to me when I was upset and crying about it one night, was well at least we don't have to pay him back the money we borrowed. Then he got up and left the room.
In September my best friend Bree came to stay for two weeks to visit in La Grande. I had the best time with her and a real chance for us to catch up. We hadn't really spent any time together or talking much in the four and a half years prev. Life just kind of happened to us.
In November she came back out to stay for a month. The whole time she was gone me and Jon fought... Worse than we had before... Which was pretty bad considering we hadn't got along in years. He was a cold hearted asshole and things were just getting worse. The whole time hanging over my head how he was when my Grandpa died. The years of comments about me being fat and ugly and shit like that, his horrible temper, and his whole please don't leave me shit after he had spent lots of time in the first two years cheating on me. When Bree came back and he treated me like shit even in front of her and my own family I decided enough was enough and I was done. I deserved better than that for myself. A week and a half before we were supposed to take Bree home and go to Jon's families for Thanksgiving I made the decision but waited until we were at his families to tell him. Mean while I got sick as hell. Every time I tried to eat or drink even water I would throw up. I got the point I hadn't slept in days and was severely dehydrated. I ended up in the hospital two days after Thanksgiving. My blood pressure was 216/165 my heart rate was 136 I was severely dehydrated, had strept throat and mono. I couldn't hardly walk because of the sever dehydration I was having constant leg cramps that weren't going away. I had stayed Friday night at Bree's house and cried walking to the car because I couldn't stand the pain. I left and went to the hospital. I called Jon's mom from the hospital and asked her to come to the hospital and not tell him where I was. I told her everything that had been going on and that I wanted a divorce. Gave her a ton of his stuff and a letter to give him. Because of his temper and depression problem I was so afraid he would hurt me or himself, and with how my health condition was I was not able to do it. She had been telling me for years she didn't know how I was married to him. His own mom said that to me! After I told her all that and was given some nice lovely drugs for pain my heart rate and blood pressure went almost back to normal. They did still do a full blood panel and EKG to make sure I was ok. I spent almost the whole night in the hospital on IV fluids loaded with sodium because my sodium level was almost non-existent and on IV antibiotics. Because of how low my sodium level was it was entirely possible for me to have a heart attack. My heart rate was so high and blood pressure with the bottomed out sodium could have caused my heart to cramp at any time. That was the Saturday after Thanksgiving. My divorce was final December 3rd. We probably had the world's quickest divorce almost. I tried to say it didn't bug me at all. When we went into Union County Courthouse to file. I was almost smug about it I smiled. I was ready for it to be over, while Jon sat across the table from me crying the whole time. I kind of felt like it was time for him to feel the same pain he caused me for years.
I spent a lot of time with Mike... Someone I had been friends with for almost 8 years and we tried dating... Which didn't go well. I love him to death and always be a special place in my heart for him, but not a good idea to date such a good friend of so many years.
Bree came and spent lots of time with me. She was my rock through the whole thing. I can never thank her enough for trying to be my voice of reason and trying to smack some sense into me. She really tried to protect me from myself at times and from, making some of the mistakes she made in the past or mistakes she was seeing me getting ready to make. Well... everyone has to learn on there own. But I can't thank her enough for how much she has been there for me and how much I can count on her. We have had our rocky times in the lat year but, we ended up stronger friendship then we ever had before.
I met some pretty INTERESTING people in the last year to say the least and met some amazing people in very interesting ways. Dating has been a learning experience to say the least. In general men suck... Hard to find a good ones. I have met some incredible friends through dating though. Never though some of them would just end up friends, but I wouldn't trade them for anything.
The one I met the most interesting way is Moe... I went to send a text to Bree and sent it to someone I use to work with over two years ago I hadn't talked to in well two years. Well they didn't have that phone number anymore, Moe did. Well single person getting wrong text from another single person... We flirted... exchanged myspaces, talked on the phone... Met with intentions of possibly dating... Well didn't exactly go that way. We have gotten very close since September. He has been a good friend and been there for me when I needed someone. I wouldn't trade the friendship for anything.
Also in September I got an opportunity to meet someone I had been talking to online for 11 years... Well I say 11 years... He argues with me... He thinks it's less more like 8 years lol. We'll just say a hell of a long time. We lived in the same town for many years but never ever met. He was deployed in Afghanistan and we really talked a lot. We have gone through a lot of the same stuff at the same time and well again while he was in Afghanistan we were again going through something the same. Our divorces lol... So finally in September when he was back on base in Washington and I was up there visiting family we finally met. Went to dinner talked hung out. He has been such an incredible friend in person. We have continued to hang out since he got discharged and I wouldn't want to ever lose him as a friend. The man came to Portland at 10:30pm to come fix my truck for me. He is just an amazing person and friend I'm very grateful for having him in my life for so many years.
There are lots of people I have gotten to talk to this last year and talk to. Learn to trust people again, open up and share how I feel, to let go of the past and look to the future, to love with your whole heart even when it hurts or it might get hurt, and when to let go sometimes of what you think might be there, and really when you shouldn't trust someone. There are so many but a few of the important ones are John, Ann, Ant, Joe, Chell, Rob, Shaun, Mike, Wayne, Bree, Sarah, James, Porter, and Steve.
I have gotten an opportunity in the last year to really get to know my Step Dad Larry. I can say I love that man to death. We have had some fun together. Probably my best memory in the world so far is when Mom, Larry, and I were bucking hay... Thirty-six tons in three days over thirteen hours total and we had about twenty bales left to throw on top of huge stacks. Mom said just let me get the tractor and we will stack them using that, she walked out to get the tractor... Larry and I smiled at each other threw on our gloves... Hucked the bales all up and walked in the house waiting before she was even back with the tractor. Something so lame but, I will laugh about it forever. I truly love my Mom and Larry. They have done so much for me in the last year and realized I needed to change a lot in my life. Those two are truly and inspiration to. I can only hope that I can find someone that loves me and I love them half as much as they love each other. They are both incredible people and have over come so much in there life and I just hope to be as strong as my Mom has been in life.
This year god blessed our family with my newest little nephew. Giving me two nephews now Mason and Eric... I love those children so much and I'm glad my brother is blessed two have to wonderful sons. Mason is such my buddy I have so much fun with him and have so enjoyed all the time I have spent with him the last three years and look forward to so many more years of doing more and more and when Eric grows up getting to take both of them to go play at Chuck E Cheese and Glow in the Dark miniature golf like I have done with Mason. God knows I love to spoil Mason!
Since August I have got close with my Grandpa Mathies dealing with all his medical problems and other problems. When all of this happened to him in August I hadn't spoke to him in almost two years. He was always such an asshole to me growing up and cruel even when I was trying to help him in my adult years he treated me like absolute shit. One Christmas he refused to come to my in laws house like planned because he couldn't bring his two dogs for the few hours he was gone. The man chose his dogs over me... Tell me you wouldn't be hurt and say I don't care. But when his health was at its worst I had to do what my dad would have wanted me to. I came out every other month when I could to help him. When I came out the first time he had so much moldy food in his friends, his health sucked, he wasn't eating or drinking... Not taking his meds like he was supposed to. In October my family came out from Hawaii to visit and right after they got to his house he fell and hurt himself. He ended up in the hospital from dehydration. He had already had hallucinations caused by dementia. Over the last year I went through a lot of heart ache trying to help him. Involving Senior Services and Adult Protective Services wanting me to go through court and get Guardianship over him. A nursing company charging him 26K for two months of care, nurses stealing from him, and a woman using him and taking his money. I talked to Adult Protective Services weekly and every time got off the phone absolutely balling because of the condition he was in and things going on. I lived six hours away and could only go every other month. Well when he was in the hospital in October my bitch aunt was finally quilted into coming to the hospital. We had already convinced Grandpa to go into Assisted Living... Which is different than a nursing home... Well she ran her mouth and said you don't want to go to a nursing home they will kill you and your dogs there. Even the ER doctor told him he needed to be in Assisted Living. Well which broke out a huge family fight and well we got thrown out of the hospital. I got into it with my aunt further outside and asked her, being power of attorney, if she even knew what meds he was on, doctor's names, that the cops were there from hallucinations, what medical problems he had... She said no... Do you and I started spouting it all off. She said well I have a life... I told her so do I, I just actually happen to love him and care about him unlike you... She cried and walked off. Never felt so good to tell someone off. Well the next day when I went to see him... After I left I gave him a hug... If you knew my Grandpa you would understand. That man has never hugged anyone, told anyone he loves them, and never even held his own kids as babies... I hugged him and he actually hugged me back. I lost it! Since then for the first time in his life he actually acts like Grandpa... Jokes around, says thank you for everything you do, calls me I don't just call him, tells his neighbors how wonderful I am and that he doesn't know what he would do without me.
Since all of this began with Grandpa in October this year I moved to Portland. Got an awesome job here, and gave me a chance to be closer to him. every other weekend I make the hour and a half drive to his house... pay his bills, balance his check book, take him grocery shopping, do stuff with the dogs, clean up stuff, clean out his fridge, anything he needs really. Take him out to meals or coffee now and then, really just spend time with him. I really enjoy how close I have got to him, I have fun with him, and something I never thought would happen in my lifetime. The man still doesn't say I love you back, but I know that he loves me. I'm just glad that I can know I am making my dad proud and that he is watching over us. I'm sure he is happy to see his dad really being a caring compassionate person and really a Grandpa to us.
December 7th was 8 years since my dad died. I can say I miss him just as much as when he died... If not a little more then when he first died. The more things that change in life for the better just makes me wish that he was here to be part of it. I know he would love his two grandsons very much and I know that he is watching over them and all of us. With all of the stuff that has gone in the last year and a half I can say I have a lot of my dad in me and I hope that he is proud of the good stuff I've done.
This year we lost Harry... For those of you who don't know who Harry was, he was a horse my family has owned a very long time. A bald horse... Who had lots of problems for many years. He lived so much longer than he ever should of and taught everyone so many lessons in life. He is sorely missed by anyone who ever was blessed to meet him. He had a spinal decompression that finally one day gave out and collapsed his spine and he couldn't get up. The whole time we waited for the vet to come we sat there with him in pain trying so hard to get up and he couldn't. So hard to lose him, he was such a special part of our family's life for so many years.
I also lost my 19 year old cat Cleo. I got her as a rescue cat about 5 years prev. She was a rescue from a kitten mill. When I got her she weighed only three pounds, was almost completely bald from fleas eating her alive, had a massive infection in her uterus. After nursing her back she was a beautiful 7lb torti point Himalayan. She went into kidney failure, when it was finally time to put her down in February I took her to the vet... Tyson said that she was in great health besides the kidney failure and looked great for 19 and I had to of taken amazing care of her to live to be 19 and look that good. I told him her story and he just couldn't believe it. Amazing what love can do. When got her she was terrified to be out of a crate and after 5 years she loved people and to cuddle and was running around in the field in wide open.... 5 years to accomplish that and all to flip and become not scared in the last 3 months of her life.
I also lost my kitty Minnie... Which was hard she was very young and I had bottle fed her since she was three days old. She was basically scared to death... Died in a crate with her brother Dobie cuddled up to her. Broke my heart to have her die at a year and a half old.
Been a rough but good year.... Learned to be single again, picked up and moved to Portland, got family back, closer to some family and friends. There is a lot more stuff that has happened in the last year. Some good some bad... but this was the most life changing stuff for me. I am so grateful to everyone that has been part of my life... Even if they were only brief. But those of you still in my life I can't thank you enough for sticking through my stupid times. God knows there were lots of bad stupid parts, good stupid parts, fun, lots of laugh, lot of heart ache, and some new loves. There is so much more I would love to say but, this is so very long. But the biggest things I learned this year are...
Don't be afraid to be you... Don't worry what other people think... If they don't like you for you... They are not worth your time.
You can find love more than once in your life. Some loves will last an entire lifetime... Some for only a short time, but love with you whole heart even when it hurts and even when you are scared to be hurt. You never know what you will miss out on if you are too scared to take that leap and give someone a chance to love you... and sometime the hardest love of all to find is to love yourself.
Trust is an easy thing to give, but once someone breaks your trust it's hard to really trust anyone again. And if you break someone's trust you will have to work harder to get it back then you think it is going to be.
Family isn't just blood... Family is those friends that have been there for you no matter what... Your stupid times even. They will pick you back up, kick you in the ass, and say try it again retard lol. My family is the world to me... Sometimes we don't always act like it, we take them for granite, but that's why they are family... They will take you back and forgive you... Cuz we all know we will do it to them at one time or another. Family is there for good...
Anyone that stuck it out to read that all I'm amazed... Anyone that knows me knows I can type and/or talk your ear off. When I get in one of my sentimental kicks I just go and go... OK OK OK or if I get excited about something, talking to someone that is interesting and conversation to me, or I just need to talk.
