bigdeepmind's blog: "thy great and powerful blog"

thing decent?

Yeah.. Idk.. I'm over tired.. trying to eat some icream before bed.. but it's slow to defrost enough to be easy to eat.. so here I am..

I'm in a weird mood, I guess? 

I will say that the ice cream + the AC has me feeling a bit cold.

I've been having these feelings of creative breakthroughs.. over the course of the last couple days.. that seeme to start when I started trying to pick up drawing again.. with pencil... I put so much into the artist thing for so many years.. that somehow barely dipping my toe back in.. gave me a profound feeling of, like, reuniting with myself. 

The way it feels is like.. I've been on this long and profound spiritual journey.. a kind of quest. I don't know that I was every exactly conscious of it at the time.. or.. I don't know.. life is weird that way... but it's this way that life can make a lot of sense in hindsight, you know? But it feels like this quest was to bring this other stuff.. to this old self.. sorta.

Like.. as a kid, growing up.. all the way past art school.. I really worked my fucking ass off, in the extreme, to try and develop my artistic abilities as powerfully as I could.. and while I can certainly critique what I did.. I none the less.. did achieve a hell of a lot in this way.. the only problem, basically, is I never exactly tried to create great art.. it was to busy trying to create great ability in me.

Yeah.. well.. the real material for great art.. that was what the spiritual journey was about.. the sorta lived experience to take from... all the fucking struggle.. everything.. 

So now it's time to do the work.. of like integrating.. this old stuff of me with this newer stuff of me.. and see what I can do with it.