I do not know what further i can believe, I feel as thought i am slipping away from what i once new. As if my life is losing meaning and that scares me more then i admit.
I have no honest idea what will become of my life and am very sure that if things do not get better i will probably not live to see my next birthday.
All those who i once cared for are gone from my life and i fear only myself to blame for that, I have been so self destructive and failed to see it only because i always believed last minute i could pull something out of my butt and figure it all out and still come out smelling like a rose.
When in truth it has been far from that, I am still dealing with the emotions that i have inside myself and i am not sure if i can cope much longer with them.
I have concidered counciling again but that in honesty did not help me alot the last time and left me with more questions then answers. And answers is what i so despritly need.
I see my life traviling down hill and nothing to stop the plunge. So what is left? can anyone answer that? Because other then that.... i am so very lost in it all. I'd kill for some answers because i honestly have none..... I just want to be normal or whatever closeness is there is to normal....
I'm going to go to bed and whimper till i pass out.
