I wish that i could stop looking behind me
I always feel like my past is right beside me
But nobody know what the future holds
I try to look ahead but i just cant see past my own nose
I tend to feel the scars deep in my soul
And it renders me incapable of growth
Somehow, someway, I need to let it go
these bags are heavy and they make me slow
some days i feel like they dont even exist
I guess thats why my hands are closed fists
Maybe i should open my heart and not my mouth
My eyes wide shut as I try to look about
these fears burn inside of me and scream my name
So much more I try to be, only myself to blame
when i fail to find peace with in
but where do I begin
I am only flesh and blood
finding within myself a part of me that shouldn’t be
molded out of pain and many sufferings
shadowing in the darkest corners of my soul defining me
capable of compassion and many ugly things
scratched upon the walls of this box are my insecurities
there is a sense of security in being lonely
that velvet box that once contained my soul is
crumpled up like tumble weed and rolls when pain blows
all sides frayed and torn, like a flag after the storm
it no longer keeps me warm
I am broken shards of glass strewn across a barren waste land
as I’m offered a gentle manicured hand
just out of reach from where i lay broken and scarred
gazing up into a place I’d rather be but it’s too hard
retreating to a corner of my desolate illusion
no longer feeling a pulse for I'm too numb
the over whelming silence is so surreal
after construction of a box made of concrete and steel
sitting in solitary confinement diluted by alcohol
there is no window and the end of that hall
with no entry nor escape my phobias keep me company
turning hate and rage in on myself eventually
destruction of this armor that protected me
the air on my wounds provides me with an epiphany
smear a smile on my face and a tear on my cheek
now it hides the pain from which I do not speak
sit before you stand when you lay flat on your back
walls cannot protect because the pain is being stacked
sitting inside a sandbox of pain saturated by tears
are you focused on the weight paralyzed by fear?
the voice echoes inside the chamber until I understood
as I brushed the sand off my chest, I felt good
Outside
Sometimes my guilt eats away at me
Sometimes your tongue is so angry
At times it seems that can’t make headway
When I struggle with things to say
Your walls are built so high
And I understand why
I can’t take back the things I’ve done
What the hell have I become?
I always feel I’m on the outside
I’m struggling to get inside
I know I’ve hurt you
It seems like that’s all I do
I’m struggling on the outside
Nothing seem to work out right
I know I’ve hurt you
I don’t know what to do
Sometimes the pain goes away
But then I become angry
I can’t find the right things to say
I know that I am the one to blame
My walls are built so high
I know you understand why
I can’t forget the things you say to me
I haven’t become what I want to be
I feel like my own enemy
I let you get away from me
I can see you’re just like me
I always feel I’m on the outside
I’m struggling to get inside
I know I’ve hurt you
It seems like that’s all I do
I’m struggling on the outside
Nothing seem to work out right
I know I’ve hurt you
I don’t know what to do
YOU
I can still see you,
When I close my eyes
Where are you tonight?
Are you alright?
I still miss you,
When I open my eyes,
I can’t make up my mind,
And now I must confess.
After what you did to me,
I want you anyway,
Even after you lied to me
I want you anyway,
You’re no good for me
But I miss you anyway,
Maybe I’m just lonely,
I resent you anyway.
I can see your face,
When I close my eyes,
I wish you here tonight,
Everything would be alright.
If I could be with you,
I would give you my last breath,
Or my heart right out my chest,
And now I must confess,
After what you did to me,
I want you anyway,
Even after you lied to me
I want you anyway,
You’re no good for me
But I miss you anyway,
Maybe I’m just lonely,
I despise you anyway.
I believe, you became complacent,
I can’t relieve, my resentment,
I want you
And I don’t know why
I need you
And I don’t know why
I resent you
For feeling like this,
I hate you
For feeling like this,
I despise you
For making me feel like this
I could wrap up all the lies you told,
and sum it up in these simple words,
youre not the person i thought you were,
its ok maybe its my mistake,
dont you worry, my heart didnt break,
the deception is so transparent now,
my recollective sight can see it somehow,
now go away,
im not mad i just need to say
now go away
I can see all the games you played,
now go away
I didnt let you break me down,
so just go away.
all the sneaky little things youve done,
and it seemed like you had fun,
how you told my friends we were in love,
I really dont know where that came from,
and told them to stay away from me,
is that the price for the gifts you gave me?
im not the type to complain and gripe
but I see it all in hind site,
I look through all your deceit,
just do a favor for me....and go away