I don't know why today turned to be a crummy day. Work was smooth but boring. The day just dragged on forever it seemed.
I saw this one dude that I've never seen before, I guess he was working a extra day. He did look familiar, only skinner. Damn, he lost a lot of weight. He looked better when he had meat on him.
Wasn't ever attracted to him or anything, I just remember seeing him working on a different shift and he looked different.
Some reason, it feels like Rich is giving me the cold treatment or whatever you call it. It seems like he's accusing me of doing things that I haven't been doing. Like, he was looking for some condoms and couldn't find them and he's like "well they were right near the bed" It's not like I put them on myself and he's the one who should know if he used the last one or not. We haven't had sex in goddness knows how long. Then he's like... "the room smells funny, I smell cologne or something" I told him it was probably the bear that Trey gave me on Christmas cause it had a scent to it. It felt like he was accusing me like I was having sex with someone else which I haven't.
Yeah, I'm craving for sex...would be nice to have some cause it's been a long while but I don't go out looking for "fun" or some shit.
Maybe he's finally getting the feeling that things are well again. Like things have been good. I don't know...it just feels like no matter what...things won't get better. I don't think of him of how I used to...and it does make me feel bad. I beginning to feel he may feel the same way as me.
People tell me, why don't I just leave him. I guess I'm afraid to be alone. But then again, I am actually alone. I feel lonely a lot. I've thought of some people and wondered what it'd be like if we'd be together, but then I think about that it wouldn't ever work.
I don't know what I'm doing. I feel completely lost and confused. I also feel wrong for feeling this way. It just hurts.
I remember how I felt about that I could see Rich and I together forever. Have a family and be completely happy. How I felt that things wouldn't ever go wrong..... but.. why does it just all feel different now? Is it me?
I crave for his attention a lot but pretty much have given up for a while now. I stopped trying to get his attention since other things seem to be more important.
I wish that I could be with someone that would like me for who I am. Someone that I wouldn't have to worry about.. I dunno.. I'm just lonely.
Even when I'm around him or whenever I'm with friends whenever that happens..I still feel alone. I'm always going to forever hate WoW for ruiening everything... my friends and all. I just cant compare to that stupid game.
