EverDear wife:
I'm writing you this letter to tell you
that I'm leaving you forever. I've been a good man to you for 7 years & I
have nothing to show for it. These last 2 weeks have been hell. Your boss
called to tell me that you quit your job today & that was the last
straw.Last week, you came home & didn't even notice I had a new haircut,
had cooked your favorite meal & even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers.
You ate in 2 minutes, & went straight to sleep after watching all of your
soaps. You don't tell me you love me anymore; you don't want sex or
anything that connects us as husband & wife. Either you're cheating on me
or you don't love me anymore; whatever the case, I'm gone.Your EX-Husband
P.S. don't try to find me. Your SISTER & I are moving away to West
Virginia together! Have a great life!
Dear Ex-Husband
Nothing has made my
day more than receiving your letter. It's true you & I have been married
for 7 years, although a good man is a far cry from what you've been. I
watch my soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining &
griping. Too bad that doesn't work. I DID notice when you got a hair cut
last week, but the 1st thing that came to mind was 'You look just like a
girl!' Since my mother raised me not to say anything if you can't say
something nice, I didn't comment. And when you cooked my favorite meal,
you must have gotten me confused with MY SISTER, because I stopped eating
pork 7 years ago. About those new silk boxers: I turned away from you
because the $49.99 price tag was still on them, & I prayed it was a
coincidence that my sister had just borrowed $50 from me that morning.
After all of this, I still loved you & felt we could work it out. So when
I hit the lotto for 10 million dollars, I quit my job & bought us 2
tickets to Jamaica But when I got home you were gone. Everything happens
for a reason, I guess. I hope you have the fulfilling life you always
wanted. My lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you won't get a
dime from me. So take care.
Signed,Your Ex-Wife, Rich As Hell & Free!P.S. I don't know if I ever told
you this, but my sister Carla was born Carl. I hope that's not a problem.