One of my close friends has been going through a lot of shit recently that seems so similar to what i have gone through... mainly in feeilng than literal sense.... but when all that bullshti was going on with lindon... i would just cry sometimes because i didn't know what else to do... i loved him so much, and wanted more than anything to not love him... to not feel anything for him... to pretend like he wasn't real, like he never existed in my life.... It sucked... a lot... and she's going through the same basic crap...
I hadn't thought a lot about lindon very much recently, until i was reading her journal... and i remembered how tough it was wanting so badly to not love him... i wished i could just remove him from my life, and be ok with it... and not cry, not hurt, not be mad, and just be, ok with him moving on... and do so myself... And, honestly, i don't actually remember when i happened... i just, stopped caring... stopped crying, stopped thinking about him... and just, moved on... it almost happened overnight it seems... cuz one day i cared, the next i didn't... but the bullshit he put me through, i can't imagine why i wanted him in my life... you know, he told me he didn't want to date me because of LEXI??? i was like, wow... what the fuck?? Like i really need someone like that in my life...
But, I've also gotten to this point in my life that i know i can't deal with the drama men bring to my life... fuck i don't even have to be dating them, around them, or even talking to them much for them to create drama... sad huh? I tend to attract drama... OOOHH wait, no... i CREATE IT... sorry, had to be a bitch for a moment... I just get so sick of dealing with people... they never know when to leave me alone, like when i say, leave me alone... the more bullshit i bring into my life, the more annoyed i get with other people in my life... thats why i try to avoid it... i have too much shit going on to deal with petty bullshit out of people... and i can think of 5 people who are like, "man is she talking about me?" TWO of you are right.... both of which are men, *gasp* shocking huh?
i dunno~ i am just so sick of dealing with stupid shit out of people... i mean, why can't people just kind of, grow the fuck up, and stop being stupid? Maybe i'm just being a bitch... who knows... but i know I can only deal w/ so much bullshit... and i have a TON of bullshit going on in my life, i don't need to put up with other people's bullshit...
I would go into more detail about whats REALLY bothering me... but, i can't... as there are 2 people who will read it, and flip out and start drama... cuz they're stupid like that (and men)... so i'll just whine in a private blog on myspace about it... great idea robin... *lol* anyways, have a great day.. luv u all~~
