Ah, another ultra-busy, sleep-deprived week concluded with new newspapers from my company being distributed with a noticeable degree of errors in zip code circulation; covering several meetings into the late night; helping my aunt load pounds upon pounds of crap into a storage shed; a bit of imbibing (not enough really =); lamenting the busybody attitudes of my upstairs neighbors (they must be on speed); mocking the downfall of Alberto "Fredo" Gonzales;" looking on as an insurance adjuster estimated what it will take to replace the roof at the Ortiz family compound; a blackout at my office that further delayed production; covering the opening of a multi-arts studio (good luck, ladies, you'll need it in this relatively art-unappreciated town!); enjoying the Longhorns and Bobcats' close wins; and boosting my giddiness potential after reading online what plots await in J.J. Abrams' monster and Star Trek flicks, and the go-ahead to turn G.I. Joe from a hallowed '80s cartoon into a live-action film (fuck yeah...knowing is half the battle...oh my inner-geek just did a somersault!).
And a new week of bloody work awaits, including more new car research and a tiny bit of vacation time (albeit on paper). Through it all, I look toward my future. Not a more practical, feasible future marked by my continuing aimless journey through The Fourth Estate. But an idealistic future. It was Edward Bulwer-Lytton who stated, "There is but one philosophy and its name is fortitude! To bear is to conquer our fate."
Am I to spend the rest of my days as a writer, a dabbler of journalism, poetry and prose? Am I meant to convert my creative juices, anti-authoritarian streak and newshound curiosity into a lifelong profession of news reporting and commenting on nature and its sobering connections with mankind? To keep comforting the afflicted and afflicting the comfortable?
No doubt each human being questions not only his or her own existence, but his or her purpose on this earth. I recall not so much my intense interest in world affairs and basic knowledge of politics, but even a senior class assembly one day in Catholic high school. (Yes, it was Catholic, so you know it's on the up and up 8-) The principal asked each student to quietly and anonymously write on paper the name of the one classmate who each felt was "vox populi," or "the voice of the people." Someone who in a sense straddled the lines among the jocks, nerds, cheerleaders and outcasts.
Inexplicably, I won a majority vote. How could one of the quietest and admittedly relatively least attractive students win a "popular" vote amongst his peers? Was there a gas leak that affected some students than others that day in the auditorium? My theology teacher then invited me to a breakfast with local Catholic figures, including the archbishop. I was flattered, and again inexplicably I said no.
As I matured, I haven't much questioned my role in this world. However, after witnessing the non-sensical, ideological and personality-driven approaches that local, state and national political leaders have taken to governing our city/state/country, I've come to one conclusion.
To shed my journalistic stylings and to enter public service. In this case, run for the presidency of the United States. Seeing that presidential campaigns seemingly get underway earlier and earlier, I find no reason to wait to announce my intention to run for the White House...in 2012. I'm currently two years under the legal minimum age to become president.
Besides, I'm sure it's too late to run ads, make appearances and put my name on a ballot for 2008, whose candidate field leaves a lot to be desired. Don't get me wrong. I admire a few candidates for different reasons (Edwards, Clinton, Obama, Richardson -- more of this in a future blog). Wes Clark's apparent no-show leads me to further disappointment. We could dream forever of a ticket with some combination of Jon Stewart/Stephen Colbert/Bill Maher. Morpheus in "The Matrix" says "there is a difference between knowing the path and walking the path." I've known the path for some years. Now it is time to walk it. My destiny lies before me, more visible then ever.
Ask me "why the hell you?" I ask, why not? I'm willing to lend my leadership experience (does editing for a college newspaper and publishing an alternative newspaper count?), my academic standing (dropped out of college in '99 after burning out on morning commutes and the fact that i suck at math), energy (I stay up late at night contemplating America's role in a global economy while watching Adult Swim), time (don't know if the Christian conservatives will be down with a bachelor in the Oval Office) and professional reputation (devoid of notable awards and most San Antonians are unaware of our company's existence) to the cause of helping to lead America toward a better tomorrow. My speaking eloquence, self-deprecating sense of humor, down-to-earth charm, questionable good looks and basic moral values (liberation theology, y'all!) shouldn't hurt.
I may just be the candidate primarily because I'm a common populist, familiar with even the most brutal aspects of middle/working class America. I consider myself compassionate yet independent minded, idealistic yet practical, passionate yet not incendiary, honest yet not so insensitively candid, intelligent yet not smug. Plato, who otherwise is best known for observing that "he was a wise man who invented beer," had intriguing insights into politics, democracy and governance that reverberate to this day:
"Those who are too smart to engage in politics are punished by being governed by those who are dumber."
"The most virtuous are those who content themselves with being virtuous without seeking to appear so."
I would promote a platform of fiscal responsibility and social progress, emphasizing fairness and simplicity in taxation, careful stewardship for the environment, pragmatic reform of health care, business ethics and efficient improvement of workers' lives -- all in concert with sustainable economic growth. I vow to advocate a more judicious atmosphere for law and order, a strong yet restrained military, consistent diplomacy, greater innovation in public education and a balance between individual rights and a concern for the greater good.
Oh, and as my first act as president, I'd deport Britney Spears, Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton to Antarctica. What fun it would be to be president! I could have alternative, awesome Secret Service code names for myself. You, my peeps, have first dibs at any cabinet-level position (who wants to be defense secretary? just raise their hands!). I could have business cards printed with the words "I've got my finger on the red button. Don't piss me off!"
I can finally be brave enough to attend my high school reunion. I finally get to fulfill dreams of traveling across America and the world. I could even use my power to pick up women ("Hey there senorita, have you ever flown in a nearly indestructible airplane that is capable of communicating with ground forces in the event of a nuclear war? Care to do dinner, drinks and dancing with me in the bird while prank calling the Russian premier and Jeb Bush? It's a date, darling.").
I'm a bit behind on fundraising. Nothing a few plasma donations per day and being a medical guinea pig for the next four years won't cure, though. Do you think I have what it takes? Could I realistically bypass city council, state legislature, school boards and even Congress to make it to the most powerful office in the land? Are these delusions of grandeur?
Nah! I'm gonna do it. It'll be fun, educational and together we could change the world. Just before the Mayan calendar ends and Earth implodes into a black hole and rapture in late 2012, I challenge you to vote for...
...Edmond Ortiz. He's reliable, secure, smart, funny, warm. He'll fight for truth, justice and...
...eh, screw it. He can't be any worse than what we have or about to elect. He'll know what to do ... somehow eventually =P
