seems i've been dreaming a lot more lately. though they aren't dreams i'm really in control of. last night was sort of weird. my dreams often seem to have some underlying mystery to them but i never seem to know what it is. like there's some plot or something. last night though it was confusing because the girl would look like felicity or something, but then in my mind it would be ravyn and such. i hate when that happens cuz then i get confuzzled. anyways i know i had a dream where i was certain it was ravyn yet i can't remember what happened in that one :/
and then when it looked like felicity but i was thinking of ravyn we were in a room there were two other people and i was holding her hand. there was something we were trying to do but i don't remember, and somehow the two guys got mad and turned on us and one of them was trying to grab the girl and i started to try and stop them and such. in another one it had to do with being in washington and i was splitting fire wood, and once again it sort of looked like felicity i think, but i was thinking of ravyn or something. ne ways i remember going in the house and getting noodles, cuz i ate lots of noodles last night and such. at one point i remember kissing ravyn. donno i had lots of scattered dreams of that sort.
then i had a dream again i was in washington, my foster sister was there and so was rochelle :) anyways i dreamt that i had to go to work except the little store was 7-11 and i had to work at one i didn't ussually work at to fill in for someone or something i had been called by the manager (surprisingly like what happened last night..) and rochelle worked there before i worked, so i was trying to get there a few minutes early to see her before she left work. probably thought of that cuz on saturday felicity worked right before me and leaves when i get there, so i was thinking of that, and thinking of rochelle at the same time.
anywho so i got there, and she was there, though she didn't look like rochelle, but it was her. her hair was different and such it was short and a different color which was odd, but i still knew it was her. and i gave her a hug and such, and i think i jumped in her arms or something weird. and then i picked her up in my arms and said i bet you thought i'd drop you huh? or something like that. that's about all i remember of that. my dreams i can only remember the basics, yet they're so vivid when i'm asleep, i just can't seem to figure out the underlying messege of them. there's always some plot some messege i just can't seem to see.
then i had some odd one that was like a game show where you have to guess things about the person or something. there was some girl who was in her 20's with blonde hair and such, and she was a porn star or something so all the guys were freaking out about that. and i finally had to tell them to shut up so we could find out about the person. and i had asked her what her favorite movie was that didn't involve porn and she gave a date and said it had zoology in it or however you spell that. and some guy was making no sense asking if she was born in 947 or some long ago year like that. finally i guessed jurassic park and was correct. that's pretty much all there was to that dream oh and i guessed she was 27. i just remember feeling upset that all anyone cared about was she had been a porn star and they didn't want to learn anything about who she really was :/
once again i'm up way to early. it's only 6:30. my foster mom never called me last night to tell me what the deal was with me borrowing a car this weekend to get to work :/ i'll have to call her today then. i was supposed to work at 1, but now i don't work until 4 which is nice. i have to cover for dustin cuz he messed up his knee. felicity is covering my shift well partly but she starts at 3:30 instead of 1 and works until 8:30. which is fine with me, i really didn't want to go back to work, so having her there will help, at least with her i won't have to act like i'm completely fine and happy and such. and can be a little bit more myself. i think my dreams brought me out of my depression so far though. i asked my friend to give ravyn my phone number, not to ask her to call or anything, just give it to her. don't think she'd call, but maybe.. and i want her to have the choice to. i miss her, but i can't force her to care. though i'd give anything just to be friends again. even if i could never hold her again. i know it's hard to just be friends and it kills me, but i rather die for something that means a lot to me then hide from the pain. only time will tell i guess.
