Love... its such a strong emotion...its an emotion i havent felt it months... in the right terms... ive been single for a few months... but my heart has yet to be given back to me... its been outside of my chest afraid to come back to me alone with out the person that it was given to a year ago..
the sad thing is that i do think about somebody.. i think about them often... i wonder if ill ever be able to let myself open up and jsut accept the new adventures that could lye before me... i think about the different opportunities that i could have... that i could take... but im just not sure if im ready to love again... i know not ever man is the same although alot can be alike... i let one opportunity pass me by because i couldnt commit.. and i feel this one could be goin down that hole to... yes im talking about somebody here on the fu..outside of the fu..the only realtionships i think about is the last...
i have this really strong brick wall..it lets me filter the things that may stand a chance.. it lets me counter the pick up lines and the sleezy crude comments.. and as well as keep and arms lengh distance at all times
im not concieted i dont think that i can control anything... you like me because you like me weather it is just for conversation or to look at... but i have it in my head that the conversation has to start form the other end the intrest has to start from your end and im a hard to get type of chick.. like me or not i could care less...ill give anybody the time of day but repetition is jsut something that grows old quick for me i guess.. and im not talkin simple repetation.. no its a different repetition that sounds like the same thing that you dont like to hear...like it or not itsthe truth..ill go though phases where ill be like hell yea let do that or ill go though the phases that i really want to do that and it jsut never happens.. more so my adventurios side has dissappeared at least 80% compared to what it use to be like
when it comes to expectations.. i dont expect much... i have my dreams and fantisies and hopes that one day ill get that but i simply cant please anybody.. i cant impress anybody and make everybody happy i love company of good people and good conversation and if you cant accept myself and my vices.. then i dont give a fuck about it...if im not worth the time or effort or the patience.. then your not worth mine
its not that i dont see i see.. and i know..and i can feel all the things i want but my heart isnt there.. its not ready to be picked...Im trying to get it back and putit where it belongs for whom ever to steal in next ..but right now its jsut not there...
simply put thats whats goin though my head... i could ramble on about my hard headed mind set but ill save it... for another time..
