Well, I don't know what else to do that would make me feel at least some better. It's a real sad time for me right now. I have lost someone so important, so special in my life. It was partly expected and partly a shock too. I mean, are you really ever "ready" for something that you don't want to happen? It's really just like a death. One day they are there and the next day they are gone! No more holding each other close at night, no more waking up together in the morning, no more meals together, showers together, laughs, lovemaking.....NOTHING! Well, guess I shouldn't say nothing. He's not far away, basically at my back door, but that makes it all the more hard on me, knowing he's so close, yet so far. I have loved him almost a year and a half. Now, that might not seem like long to some people, but it's what we have been through in that time. And the things we have talked about, done, wanted to do, places we have gone and wanted to go again. And now it won't happen! I guess we were really doomed from the beginning as this was not a popular situation with either one of our families for the most part. Oh, we had maybe one or two on each side that were supportive, but not many. And I ask, who's opinion and feelings mattered most? I felt like it was his and mine that mattered the most! I am just so hurt I don't know what to do! I love him and miss him so much, and don't know how to just cut off the switch. I am SO very thankful for my friends that I have been able to spend time chatting with here on CT, yahoo and of course the phone. At least it was some company and some laughs for a change. I have cried what seems like a river, but had to put on my smiley face like nothing was wrong for my Business. I'm sure I am not the first to go through this nor will I be the last. But even at my age, I am just as confused and hurt as any little high school girl would be after losing her big crush. I have devoted my life to making this man happy and satisfied and now I'm just as lost as a puppy without a home. Well, thanks in advance for your interest in reading about my sad time and I would welcome anything you care to say to me. I pray this pain will get better in time.
