Goddess Ellen's blog: "Rants of the Goddess"

Gags and Urban Legends An entire book could be written about gags and mouth stuff. BDSM and the mouth is not just about gags and even if it was, there is so much to write about - and do with gags. Much photographed, hardly ever used properly and to their full potential and surrounded by thousands of urban legends. Ruling out some persistent urban legends and misunderstanding is probably the best thing to do first, so, here goes: Sizes The average gag you can buy in a shop is too big for effective use. This is especially true for almost all penis-shaped gags. They have been designed by people with no experience in power exchange, usually only made to appeal to certain fantasies and create sales. So, whatever you do when you go out to buy a gag: buy a small one. A gag that is too big will be too uncomfortable to keep in for any length of time (and usually that is exactly what you WANT a gag to be used for), because it will create cramps in the jaw muscles and a gagging effect if it is too long. There is no need for the gag to go in any deeper than halfway down the tongue. Gags and Breathing Inflatable gags and some very large penis shaped dildo gags excluded, gags - as in "things put in your mouth" - will not interfere with your (sub's) ability to breath. There'll almost always be room enough to let a sufficient amount of air flow around the gag. And - unless she has a cold - she can breath through the nose as well. The fear of not being able to breath is largely psychological and - although not very rational - something that most slaves will have to learn to overcome. What does limit the ability to breath are attempts to try and swallow the saliva. And these attempts are largely futile, which is the main objective of a stick-in-gag. As soon as the slave lets the saliva just drip out of her mouth - yes humiliating, but again, that is one the main objectives - there is enough room and freedom for the air to move in. Kind of cruel, isn't it. But then, cruel choices is what BDSM is all about. Choking is another gag related problem and it's origin usually is - again - the saliva problem, in combination with fear (of being unable to breath). If gags are something new to you, ask your dom to train you. It is really not as bad as it seems, but you may have to get used to it and that may indeed take a while. Gags and Silence It is impossible to fully silence a submissive - or anyone else for that matter - with a gag, regardless the type. Once you stuff the mouth to the point where making noises is entirely impossible, the victim has probably died or very likely will very soon. In the BDSM-situation the objective of the gag is to humiliate, both through creating the saliva problem as well as through the fact that any more or less coherent speech is impossible and reduced to funny sounds. The third main objective is to remind the submissive in a physical way that he or she is not supposed to talk. Some types of gags may serve other purposes as well, such as to bite in (to help fight or cope with the pain), steer (in pony play) or train (for oral sex). Finally, a gag very frequently serves as a pacifier in the same way it does for babies. Being able (or being allowed) to suck on something can be comforting. A gag is a gag, who cares? Most certainly not! There are many different types of gags - we'll talk about most of them in this section - and most of them serve different purposes. The fact that most people think a gag is just a silencer is what leads to many misunderstandings - as well as a lot of opposition, especially by submissives. Gags are a very powerful instrument, when used in the correct way and for the right purpose, both from a psychological point of view (usually their main purpose) as well as from a purely physical and practical point of view. For example, many people think that using a gag will help prevent complaints from neighbors. Guess what, very likely exactly the opposite will happen. Want to know why? Well, spend an evening doing nothing but watching abduction movies and television series. If there is one distinctive sounds (no matter how faint) the average TV-watcher has gotten used you (psychologically grinded in) it is the faint sounds of a gagged woman, especially hearing it through walls, from behind bushes or from the trunk of a car. You won't believe how many even wake up when they hear a sound that "sounds like" a gagged woman and call 911 or the police. A gag can be useful to suppress outcries of pain provided the sub has been taught to BITE in it to fight the pain instead of shouting, which is another energy burst, a way to fight the pain. The gag doesn't muffle the cries - the gag is supposed to be an alternative for shrieking and crying. Dangerous Gags One of the problems with television series and movies is that it makes some things seem harmless and hardly dangerous. Gags are close to the number one position in that area and every year especially children die, because their playmate - when playing cops and robbers - thought a gag wouldn't do any harm. And it is not just children. In the - unlikely and rare by the way - event a person dies during a BDSM scene it will almost always be either the result of breath play (strangulation) or the result of a dangerous gag. The most dangerous toy, in the hands of someone inexperienced, is a role of duct tape. Depending on the type this may indeed make breathing through the mouth entirely impossible and all you need is a simple nose blockage of some kind for the sub to die!! If you use duct tape, at least punch a few holes in it. Another dangerous way of gagging is to put cloths into someone's mouth. This will obstruct all air channels, including the back of the nasal inlets. Cloths kills! Especially when used in combination with duct tape. Finally, another type that does not belong in the hands of inexperienced people (in all honesty, experienced people are of the opinion they should not be sold at all) are inflatable gags - rubber balls or balloons that can be pumped to size. They will almost always be pumped to a size that is dangerous. The balloon fills the entire mouth and blocks all airways. To make things worse, they will usually form part of some sort of mask or leather harness or belt, making it impossible for the submissive to even try and push them out far enough to be able to breath in the event of an emergency. Furthermore, such inflatables may very well make it impossible for the saliva to go anywhere else BUT the lungs. Meaning the slave will choke on her own saliva and die! As always, we have no intention to scare you away from gags, but you should be aware of the health risks and dangers to be able to make the right choices. And THEN gags - and other forms of mouth related torture and teasing - can be a lot of fun . Precautions Regardless what type of gag you use, you should be aware of a few important things 1-Never leave the sub out of sight and preferably be in a position where either the dom or someone else - if that is an option - can monitor the facial expression of the sub on a more or less constant basis (which is one reason why having mirrors in your dungeon can be very handy). The first signs of lack of air are the eyes widening ("popping out"), lips turning bueish and the facial skin turning either red or pale. Unexpected heavy sweating - on the forehead - is another warning signal. Inability to breath is mostly a matter of panic. It should be dealt with. Always remove the gag instantly, because you should respond to panic seriously, regardless if there is a logical reason for it or not. 2-Make sure there is some sort of non-verbal warning signal or safe word. Humming SOS in Morse code (three short - three long - three short) is one way, but not always handy. A bell to ring is the most efficient safety tool. An old and not always practical advice is to give the sub a ball in her hand, she can drop if she feels she is in trouble. That signal may be too subtle and may be overlooked easily. If she has to drop something, let her drop something that makes noise when it falls, so you have a double warning signal!! 3. Make sure - whatever the restraint, bondage or position is - a gagged sub can always tilt her head sideways (when laying down) or bow it (when the head is in a more or less upright position) so she can expel excess saliva. This is humiliating, but always a better choice than choking. 4. Never gag anyone suffering from heart or lung related diseases, regular hyperventilation or claustrophobia, someone who is on heavy medication or psycho drugs or suffers from diabetes or seizures. TYPES OF GAGS Bandanna; socks; sock firmly pushed into the mouth; rope, braided like a bit, or single strand with a knot in the middle, placed in the mouth; duct tape, with or without something inside the mouth; elastic athletic wrap; leather strips, wound around and around the head; fingers or fist in mouth and throat (grabbing the teeth and jaw at the back is also an effective way to lead a bottom from one place to another); and soft balls of different sizes (toy stores are a good source). Also: harness gag, horse-bit gag, and ball gag: each of these is a store-bought leather-metal-plastic combination, and they must be well and strongly made. Audience volunteers modeled these gags. The harness gag is a network of leather strips, and often has a few hooks with which to attach the head to something; the horse-bit gag is great for playing horsy as well as for keeping the bottom from talking; the ball gag (besides giving the bottom a comic-book startled expression) is a highly effective mouth stopper. You can also make your own rope harness, and attach a gag to it, as was demonstrated. Even more: dildo-gag with rubber insertion plug just long enough to touch the uvula, prompting intermittent gag reflex and tube gag, or "piss-gag," consisting of plastic tube that fits into the mouth and a leather strap that goes around the back of the head. GAG SAFETY • When using a sock (or any other piece of cloth) be sure it's not totally dry, since that will cause dryness of the mouth and possibly choking. • Never leave a gagged person alone. • Gags must fit. The jaw is anatomically related to the ear, and thus to dizziness. If the jaw is in a position that is not natural for it a bottom can faint, temporarily lose hearing, or have the jaw go out of joint. (The latter can happen, by the way, with alarming ease.) • The bottom must be aware of what can go wrong with a particular gag. (This is not knowledge for a top to withhold.) A bottom most know his or her limits, must know the top, and must know all the risks. As one panel member said, bottoms are proud of their feats, and want to perform well for their top, and this can only be done when all the practical aspects of the scene are known and mastered. • Since a bottom cannot speak, arrange a safe signal (as opposed to a safe word). • Clean gags with a germicide or anti-bacterial soap. Leather should be thoroughly washed and well dried. • As with any type of restraint, have blunt-tipped scissors always at hand for a quick release, if necessary. • Tape around the head with duct tape loosely, so the bottom does not bite cheeks. A good way to do this is to have the mouth open while taping. • Make sure the nose is clear and the opening is not blocked, and that the bottom can breath sufficiently through the nose alone. • Use insertion gags that are molded in one piece, since the insertion part of a two-piece gag can break off in the mouth and choke the bottom. For the same reason, avoid using the dual-purpose gag that has a detachable insertion piece. • Before using an inflatable gag, check the inside of the bottom's mouth for excessive dental work or other sharp points on teeth, and, of course, ask the bottom if he or she is aware of any sharpness in his mouth anywhere. An inflatable insertion gag that pops can cause serious injury. • Beware of over-inflating inflatable insertion gags: make sure the breathing channel at the back of the throat is open so the bottom can continue to breathe through the nose. • When using a tube gag for ingestion of liquid, allow the bottom to practice swallowing before the scene. Swallowing with this type of gag is different from swallowing without a gag, since the tongue is restrained by the tube. Train the bottom not to choke. PLUGS Buttplugs-in the generic sense of an object to plug the butt-come in any shape or size you can imagine. If a distinction needs to be made between buttplugs and dildos, you could say that it's more a difference in what you do with the object than what it looks like or how it feels. Generally, a plug stays in place and a dildo moves; a plug is not necessarily phallic-looking; a dildo probably is. Dildos can be considered along with buttplugs in this discussion. Vaginal plugs are the same, but a wider variety of sizes and shapes can be used. When inserting a plug, use lots of lube, and go slowly. Save twisting, grinding, and vigorous movement for later, after the muscles have relaxed. (Faster movement should, in theory, be reserved for a dildo anyway.) Most commercial buttplugs have a narrow part at the bottom where the sphincter muscle can hold it and keep it inside. Since a vagina has no sphincter muscle to hold a plug in, a plug must be stuffed in and held or strapped in. Routine use of condoms on buttplugs is an easy safe practice to follow regularly, and it allows for sharing of toys among bottoms. Remember that while plugs can be shared (with a condom), lube should not be. A hand moving from a lube container to a person and then back to the lube container inevitably deposits things from the person to the lube container. Reserve a lube container for that bottom, or, better yet, a bottom should have his or her own lube container. Women should follow the dictum, "From vagina to butt, but not butt to vagina." TYPES OF BUTTPLUGS AND VAGINAL PLUGS Store-bought plastic, in various sizes (some with leather bottoms or holes for hooks in order to attach a strap that will hold the plug in); vibrating; plug with leather tail attached (great for playing horsy, especially with a horse-bit gag); corn-on-the-cob; vegetables; eggs, hard-boiled, cooled, and shelled; marshmallows, frozen or thawed; frozen grapes; anal beads of various sizes (a string of plastic beads of any size placed a few inches apart on a string); chain link, any size, the type that has no rough edges on the links. PLUG SAFETY • The skin of the anus is thin and sensitive and therefore, easy to abrade. Use lots of lube and know the size of the bottom, knowing approximately what he or she can take. After play, eat food with bacterial culture, such as yogurt, which can assist in recovery of the normal rectal fauna, which ultimately aids in healing abrasion. • Wash thoroughly any food or other biodegradable objects: grapes, for example, can create a yeast infection. • Practice carefully using anal/vaginal beads in order to learn how to avoid scraping the knot against skin. • Do not use anything made of wood, to protect against slivers and splinters. (Billy clubs should be plastic.) • To state the obvious: what goes in must come out. Therefore, the more manageable buttplugs are those with flanges at the bottom to keep the plug from sliding inside. Even buttplugs may disappear inside, however, and if this happens, the most important thing to do is not to panic-or even fear panic. Most lost objects can be retrieved easily if the bottom remains relaxed. If you can't reach it immediately, some soothing tea, mental relaxation exercises, massage of the lower back, or a warm bath may help. Moreover, the intestines may have stopped their normal movement, and eating a small amount to restart that movement may naturally (or with a little assistance) pass the object out. Do not use a laxative. Do not leave the object inside and assume it will eventually come out. If it doesn't come out after relaxation and movement of the intestines, or if the bottom cannot relax at all, a hospital visit is necessary. (Invasive surgery is usually not indicated, since physicians have access to muscle relaxants and appropriate tools for stretching the rectum and reaching inside to grasp an object.) • Spanking should be avoided if a buttplug is inserted. • It is not necessary to take a full enema before using a buttplug, which only goes a short way up the rectum. A quick, simple douche will suffice in most cases.