The Doctor's blog: "Gemarius's thoughts"

Why is it that most people when going on trips get the real early flight, especially if you have to drive them to the airport? Me, lol, I am not really a morning person, though a lot of people around me are the type that are all cheery and happy. It takes me awhile to get going, I have been up for an hour now, and as you can tell just becoming aware and coherent.

I have seen a lot of people here talk of heartache, and lost love, and have talked to probably as many as I have seen. I guess that is just what my life is here for, but a lot of people don't understand or maybe they do, that the greatest heartache is that of a lost love or lost friendship. What a lot don't realize, or fail to express is that the separation of a love or true friend also brings on it's own special heartache. Don't ask me to explain, this one that the Doctor has no answer for, but it is out there. Even though the mind knows that they will be back and that you can always talk to them over the phone or the net, the heart still aches for their presence to be there, close by. There is no rhyme, no reason but nonetheless it is there. Some of these heartaches are bearable, and some are almost intolerable. The bond of true friends, like that of lovers, is based in a special type of love, and no matter what when that bond is stretched and tested, from miles and time, it is a heartache, just like the overabundance of joy you feel in the good times when you are close and your friend/lover is happy you are overjoyed for friends or lovers. It doesn't matter that love for each other is a strong bond, almost impossible to break. You feel each others moods, if when is in a good mood and the other is in a bad mood, the one in the good mood starts to feel bad and love kicks in to bring the one in a bad mood up out of the funk and into a happy mood. It is, for the most part, human nature. Why does love or friendship hurt? The closest I can come to this is because when you have love for your significant other or your friend, you are a part of each other, and when separated, is almost the same as tearing a piece of your heart that won't be whole again until it is right back were it belongs. So people, treasure those close to you, friends, lovers and families for they are now, and forever will remain a part of you, and for that one is a richer person. Maybe, you will read this and get a little glimpse into what love is really about. Many do not know how much it hurts me to see others hurting, and though some may think I am a miracle worker, I am just a person, like any other person, I laugh, I cry I feel, though most do not know or see that part of me, the me they see is the one that is always there for them, or someone else, for that is the me that was put here on earth. Well, I don't know what you think of this, it just came out of me and for why, I don't even know, it just did and I thank you for listening to my rambling for a little while, to keep my sanity, this is how I recharge, and the first time it has been seen out in the open, it is normally written in a book and hidden away for only me to see, if I ever open it again because it drains me so much.

Well, I hope this makes sense, I will tell you why in a second. First I want to thank all my online and offline friends for making this probably the best birthday I ever had. It started out yesterday being a pretty good day, woke up and like any fu addict, checked my page for messages (lol). I had some messages from mamah wishing me a happy bday (day early, but it still put me in good mood), then may day got worse and up comes sunshine to talk to me, and again was in a good mood, then a phone call put me in a bad mood again, and just around that time behavin came on line and got me in a better mood. I (woke late this morning) had already taken the day off. You see I had planned months ago to go to Toledo Bend and do some fishing with friends, however the plans dropped through. Today my boss and three go workers had me come by to take me to lunch, and that was fantastic and all along my friends keep wishing me a happy birthday here. Then my friends told me they were taken me to the Comedy Showcase for my both. We saw three great comedians, had me rotflmao. They had told me my other two friends were supposed to come up to, but they couldn't make it, it's a four hour trip. Back to comedy club, I thought well hell, i give out so many sex on the beaches and long island ice teas that i would try some in real life. Now I have had long island ice tea before, but never sex on the beach (either way lol), and they are great, so I am sitting here with two of them in my system, lol. My daughter called me at 8 this morning to wish me a happy bay, my mother talked to me at 7 and my son called as we were walking out the door to the comedy club. I have, like I said before, never had a better birthday, might seem unusual, but in 1980 my son was born on the 23, he was my birthday present that year, and we always celebrated ours together with fathers day as we got older. I really like to thank my friends T & R and my sister from another mister M, they didn't forget about me and had this planned for weeks. Love you guys. I also would like to thank all my only peeps that came by to tell me things and leave me comments, drinks, cake card or whatever, to many to list. Also Sunshine, she is just like her name and although she is blonde (lol, she is really a good person and teases me about her being blonde) has been there for a long time. She is very joyous wonderful caring spirit in my world. :) Lastly to my "Good Angel Trio", what can I say about you three wonderful, beautiful, loving and caring ladies? There are no words to express, and if I try the waterworks might start. I met one through the other whom I met through the other. Mamah hippie, what can I say, you have a better memory than I do. LOL I met mamah when browsing and saw a picture I liked and still have it my default to this day. She did mind if i ripped anything as long as it was personal photos. She is the first of my three angels and I cannot ask for a better friend, mamah I love you even when you "kick" me in the butt, lol. This led to my 2nd angel, because following mamah's advice I ripped something from her site and it had been tagged for this lovely lady. Yes, ~behavin~ I am talking about you. She is also a very special friend, and I love her dearly, always knows how to make me smile. So sorry about the tag (NOT, because I never would have met you). :) Which leads me to angel number three, GeminiDolly. ~behavin~ had told me it was her birthday and she was trying to level up, and asked if I could help. I never knew that this would lead to a close friendship, that I still treasure to this day. And all three of these angel, along with a lot of others, helped me level up on my birthday. I can't say enough about these four ladies, and my angels also know each other (before I knew them), and I often wonder what they see in me, and it is their caring, worrying, loving, laughing crying and everything all together that they see deep inside of me and make me a better person and have helped me through my darkest hours. I love you all, even though many of you told me to get off the computer and go have fun, I did, I just wish that you could have been here to share it, though I know that you were here in spirit. I love you all,and would do anything for all of you and so glad that 'karma' as mamah put it has brought us all together, like it was supposed to. My reply was that I wish it had been a hell of a lot sooner. That my dear friends is my birthday wish this year, that we continue these friendship into the future, because you are already a part of my life and are real family to me. Lots of Love, Hugs and kiss, Dr, Gemarius (FU Psych) aka George :)

I was talking with an old friend today and chatted with another one online that I haven't heard from in some weeks, and after answering a mumm men only?????, which I had said I would never do, lol well just can't help myself, but all the theme came down to the same thing. No one really knows these days what they are looking for in love, but most of us that are my friends are in agreement, they look past the basic part of love, friendship. Sometime friends hi goes beyond and then sometimes it doesn't. But a really true friendship, like really true love, spans not only distance but also time. Dee, the friend I talked to on the phone, we have been out of touch for almost thirty years until a couple months ago, and started talking just like it was yesterday, except we had to catch up about our personal lives a little, but all other conversation we were right in step. My online friend haven't heard from in about two months, and finally was able to chat a little today. Like it was when we first started talking. Up to the subject of true friendship and true love (which she will try to write about, she is a terrific poet). Another friend is taking a long vacation, I will miss her and will not her from her for along time, but did let her no she will be missed and thought of and not forgotten. Another, as I am writing this blog is reading my July 4th blog. Just like all that are close to me, here, and in the real world, she worries about me and always asks to see if I am okay, and to me see is family. All those that are close to me, who know me, who talk to me who care about me, hopefully knows I feel the same, and if not I am saying it here. Over the many of miles (which for all is far) and of the many years which God willing will be plenty more) I have been, am now and alway will be your friend, and do mean it when I say I love you, because you, each of you, are a part of me. Like always, when I get sentimental, I started to ramble, so I will bring this to a close. Now and forever, my friend, I'll be there for you and you for me. Your True Friend, George

I'm sorry that i bought you roses to tell you that i like you I'm sorry That I was raised with respect not to sleep with you when you were drunk I'm sorry That my body's not ripped enough to "satisfy" your wants I'm sorry that I open your car door, and pull out your chair like I was raised I'm sorry That I'm not cute enough to be "your guy" I'm sorry That I am actually nice; not an asshole I'm sorry I don't have a huge bank account to buy you expensive things I'm sorry I like to spend quality nights at home cuddling with you, instead of at a club I'm sorry I would rather make love to you then just f**k you like some random guy. I'm sorry That I am always the one you need to talk to, but never good enough to date I'm sorry That I always held your hair back when you threw up,and didn't get mad at you for puking in my car, but when we went out you went home with another guy I'm sorry That I am there to pick you up at 4am when your new man hit you and dropped you off in the middle of nowhere, but not good enough to listen to me when I need a friend I'm sorry If I start not being there, and being used as a door mat, only to be thrown to the side when the new asshole comes around I'm sorry If I don't answer my phone anymore when you call, to listen to you cry for hours, instead of getting a couple hours of sleep before work I'm sorry that you can't realize.. I've been the one all along. I'm sorry If you read this and know somebody like this but don't care But most of all I'm sorry For not being sorry anymore I'm sorry That you can't accept me for who I am I'm sorry I can ever do anything right, and nothing that I do is good enough to make it in your world. I'm sorry I caught your bf with another girl and told you about it, I thought that was what friends were for... I'm sorry That I told you I loved you and actually meant it. I'm sorry That I talked to you for nine hours on Thanksgiving when your bf was threatening you instead of spending time with my family. I'm Sorry That i cared I'm sorry that I listen to you at night talk about how you wish you could have done something different. Ladies always bitch and bitch to their friends that there is never any good guys out there, and they always end up with assholes who mistreat them. Well ladies next time you're bitching, maybe look up to see who you're bitching to, maybe that special someone is right there hanging on your every word as usual, screaming in his head "Why won't you give me a chance?" Because the person you are usually searching for is right by you. If you're a guy and you agree with this letter, repost as "I'm sorry " If You're one of the few girls with enough balls to repost, and you would never make your guy feel this way, repost as "To all the girls who look past the nice guys"

Happy Fourth Every one, okay fifth I'll drink to that. It just took e a little while to get to this, I was kinda busy tonight. Talking to new and old friends, doing my thing that my angels know so well, (yes mamah, I am taking it easy). I have to say I am very happy today,I got to talk to a lot of my old friends picked up some new ones, and chatted away for hours (though I was supposed to be doing some work, but I didn't mind, welcome break, even if it lasted oh, 8 hours). I really don't know where this is going, just probably one of my ramblings, but those who know me well are use to it. It is so good to celebrate the birth of America, because for all the problems and strife, there is no better country in the world to live in. The many people who touched my life today made me realize this in fact, no I knew it already, but it is the freedom of my spirit that I am talking about. My friends, all of them, came by today, some came and stayed for a while, some chatted away for a while, and some just left a simple comment on my page. It also made me realize that I have riches that can never be taken away and that my life's journey I see new people some stay and some go, but all touch my life as I hope in some little way I have touched theirs. Some say it is karma, some fate and other coincidence, but whatever it is all my friends are dear to me,and like a treasure chest, they are my jewels and gems. I wouldn't trade any of them for the world and all it's riches (thank you Becky for reminding me of this). Sometimes it is hard to be Dr. G, but I would not trade this privilege for anything in the world and I guess my good angel B knew it as well, when she gave it to me (sorry b, tried to get out of here, but Dr. G business came up and you know I never turn anyone away). And M, thank you for the convo tongiht hun, don't work to hard, alright? I guess it was a gust of wind that blew me into here, and even more the way I have met many friends and my angels who actually look out for me (because they think I can't do it myself, lol, God Bless them). It is because of all of you that I am here and makes me, well me. I see a little bit of myself in each of you and I lost my train of thought. Anyway, I do love you all and I am very happy that we have met, you ALL are always on my mind, in my prayers, have my best wishes. You each have touched my life in ways that you cannot imagine, and for that I am grateful, just hope I have done the same for you. For those reading this that do not know me or my friends, please take the time to do so, they are all wonderful ladies and gentlemen, these are real friends, people that I can talk to or who talk to me and want nothing in return but respect, and boy I give them plenty of that becasue they deserve it. Well, rambling I know, sleep deprivation will do that to you lol (no mamah it was a joke, I am okay, really). Anywho, there is only one place to go with this, I can't wait to see how our friendship grows. Love you all, Dr. G (yes B I'll get off the dang computer now), aren't they wonderful? Night all and God bless.

Country and I are just having fun thinking of stuff, jump in any time you want or you can pm me and I will put it up anonymously if you wish. I like I told her I always thought, and still do lol, that I have a boring life. We never know how many odd things happen or how many people we touch in our lives. Love you all, and have a happy fourth. Dr. G

Guess this is fun, lol okay here is some more stuff: 1. Though I had a guitar at age 11, I didn’t learn how to play until I was 24. My roommate taught me, he had played with the Country Gentlemen before they became famous, he was 17 and his dad wouldn’t let him go to Nashville. 2. The first song I learned was lying eyes, by eagles, Charlie taught me three cords and then put them in a song. Roommates listened to this song for a month before they begged him to teach me another song LOL. 3. Had Audience with Pope John Paul when I was 11, family went and the ladies had to use ladies room before we went in, told them where it was and how it was decorated, never been there before lol. 4. Learned how to ‘swim’ by one of my fathers drunken friends throwing me in the deep end of the pool after I dared him to. Dad did save me. 5. Life member of the Sons of the American Legion (which I held various local, district and Detachment offices) and also belong to Knights of Columbus 6. Love scary movies, all time favorite: Halloween 7. Love old musicals, fav is “Sound of Music” 8. Loved to dive, almost got killed by showing off (for a girl of course) on the high dive, was doing a two with two full twist, came off wrong and landed about a foot away from edge of pool. 9. I don’t dream, or as have been told that II just don’t remember them (yeah right), but when I do it is normally in color and very vivid and recall every detail. 10. This has only happened to me twice, and to two different girls, one my ex girlfriend (at 16) and one my ex wife (at 22), they had recurring nightmares and was able to enter their dreams, and change the outcome. They told me this, so don’t know. 11. Nothing scares me, well almost nothing. I was reading Stephen Kings the Stand at 2:00 am one day and the phone rang and I nearly jumped out of my skin. Lol 12. I am an only child, but my mother had five other children that didn’t live. I would have been the oldest (the miracle child) her blood type and dads are opposites. Before drugs could have overcome it. All of them are now buried with my dad in Arlington National Cemetery. 13. Lucky the abuse laws weren’t in effect when I was growing up, one week I went to the ER 3 different times, the third time the nurse was already filling out my paperwork 14. In high school I had actually trained and been accepted to design computers (this is one I tell you if you ask lol), foiled by history class, three to be exact. 15. As you can tell from #13 I was accident prone growing up, last time I had stitches from cuts (not including having three teeth pulled) the count was 298 stitches, I was 20. 16. When my daughter was born I worked 4 jobs, one full time and three part time. Shoe salesman (full time), bartender, short order cook, and door monitor. 17. I love working on cars but can’t stand to get grease under my finger nails. 18. Didn’t have a place in high school, my friends were jocks, hippies, nerds and straight arrows, fit in with everyone, but was not popular. 19. Speaking of stitches when I sliced open my middle finger on right hand, it was lucky there was a neurosurgeon the to stitch my tendon back together, but it was busy and the nurse kept getting called out so I helped him by holding the instruments when he need another hand. 20. Because of my parents jobs, I have a security clearance.

I’m the guy who will hold you close, not because you’re cold or shaking, but because he wasn’t to be close to you. I’m the guy who loves to twirl you around into his arms anywhere and kisses you for no apparent reason other than loves you. I’m the guy who says, “Okay, what would you like to do tonight?” not because he wants to go to a game, but because he is interested in you and what you like. I’m the guy who would go anywhere with you, even to the opera or things that he doesn’t like because he is spending time with you, and that is all he needs. I’m the guy that is cautious to give his heart, but when he does it is all for you and he would rather die then not be in your arms at night. I’m the guy who will bring you things for no special reason than he loves you. I’m the guy who will never give up hope, and no matter what will stay with you for eternity. I’m the guy who once is in love, will always love you and never will forget you or how special you are to him. I’m the guy who if he has to go away is counting the seconds until he can be back in your arms where he belongs. I’m the guy who loves to end a hug with a kiss and a kiss with a hug. I’m the guy who you can talk to about anything and will sit there and listen to it all because he is interested in what you have to say. I’m the guy who won’t brag about you to his friends, because what you and he have is for you and him and no one else. I’m the guy who loves the sound of your voice. I’m the guy who will hug or kiss you for no apparent reason but that he loves you. I’m the guy who likes to come up to you from behind and kiss you on the back of the neck, then twirl you around, look in your eyes and kiss you again. I’m the guy who loves everything about you and doesn’t care what anyone says, because you are his world. I’m the guy that loves it and is walking on air when you introduce him to everyone as your boyfriend. I’m the guy who loves to hold your hand, just to be able to touch you, and walk with you without saying a word. I’m the guy who will never forget your birthday or how we met and will relive it with a smile on his face because that is the day his life changed for the better. I’m the guy that loves you and only you with his whole heart, there are no other girls in the world, and you are his princess, his angel, his love, his life. If you’re a guy repost this as " I am this guy...” If you’re a girl repost this as "I want this guy...“

I'm the girl who will put her head on your shoulder, not because she's sleepy, but because she wants to be closer to you. I'm the girl who likes to be kissed in the park more than inside your bedroom or in an expensive restaurant. I'm the girl who says,"Okay, but you owe me...", not because I actually want something, but because it means I get to spend more time with you. I'm the girl you can take absolutely anywhere and I will have fun because it means I am spending time with you. I'm the girl who is incredibly picky, but when I find someone I like I want to spend the whole night curled up in their arms. I'm the girl who never wants to forget all the sweet little things you do for her. I'm the girl who never gives up hope even when I tell others I have. I'm the girl who once I let you into my heart, there's always a place there with your name on it. And even if we spend time apart, I'm the girl who never forgets you. I'm the girl who loves to end a hug with a kiss. I'm the girl who you can talk to about anything. I'm the girl who will brag about you to all of my friends. I'm the girl who will listen to you talk. I'm the girl who loves it when you hug me for no apparent reason. I'm the girl who loves it when you hug me from behind. I'm the girl who loves you for you, and doesn't care what other people say about us. I'm the girl who loves it when you introduce me to your family, friends and co-workers as your girlfriend. I'm the girl who loves the feeling when you take me by the hand without saying a word. I'm the girl who loves it when you give me tokens of affection for no apparent reason. I'm the girl who thinks the world of you. All I want is for us to be together. If your a girl repost this as " I am this girl"... If your a guy repost this as "I want this girl...( you'll be surprised at how many girls will write you.. ) TRUE! WE ALL WANT TO BE THIS GIRL..