So, I have a lot of thoughts in my head right now that I need to express. Doing so makes me feel more put together. I just don't have much of a theme to tie them all together, so I'm going to make 3 blogs in one here. None will be terribly interesting I imagine, but they help me, and they will give insight into who I am if that is something you are interested in.
Health
I Am a fairly healthy person. I smoke cigarettes. That's clearly a no-no, but I still do a better job taking care of my body than most, so I write it off as my vice. I think I've earned one.
The thing that's got me thinking is I had a physical done for this job that I'm FINALLY starting on Monday. Everything came out above the board... except my cholesterol. It's not exactly high. 193 to be exact. That's in the high end of acceptable as I understand it. The idea that everything else is exceptional however has prompted me to stop eating those "Quad Stackers" from Burger King. 4 layers of beef, cheese, and bacon. I can't help but love them, but happiness takes sacrifice I suppose. I also have a habit of making a full pound of bacon every morning with breakfast. I've got a wife and 3 kids to feed, along with myself, so it's not really excessive. There is always eggs and toast and such to accompany it, but I always seem to end up eating the leftover bacon, however much it may be. Probably not a great thing since I haven't started working out again yet. I will soon, or at least that's what I keep telling myself.But I've got a lot on my plate just now, as shall be explained below.
Art
I'm neck deep in my first professional design job. I've been a theatrical technician for the past year and some change, which I enjoy because it lets me observe art, and even play an active part in it, but it cuts me out of the creative process, which is not so much fun. I had some really great gigs, and met some really interesting people, but I was always just a tool of whomever the "real" artist was. Sure this does not pay as well as some of the other things I've done, but this is my first lesson (since I never went to school for anything like this) in artistic collaboration. Let me tell you what I've learned about art. It's not about what you can achieve when you have everything. It's about what you can achieve despite your limitations. Without limitations, art is a picture on a canvas too big for the eye to see, and it's heart is lost.
You see, I'm designing the lights for this show. I'm having a lot of fun doing it too. I've built some custom effect pieces as well. Simple mechanical designs to give unique effects to the atmosphere of the performance. I was asked about them at a meeting yesterday morning, and the people cutting the checks seemed quite impressed. Awesome! But, they only like it now because they have shared my vision and understand how I will manifest it... I am a little intimidated by the fact that I have to make it all happen. I've never done this much work on my own before. The director was kind enough to tell me that I had "Carte blanch" creatively, which is good for me, but I suppose I wanted her to interpret the script a little and give me some limitations so I knew what I had to work with. Well, I still have plenty. It's a small theater, with few lights to work with, and a VERY small board on which to operate them. On top of that, I will not be available to be the operator, so the person they hired to do so will have to be able to bring that vision to life. I trust that he can do it, but I feel obligated not to over complicate it as well. I've got everyone telling me I'll do fine. I have faith in them, so I suppose that means I have faith in myself by default. There is one person I've been having trouble with however... and that leade me to the finale.
Love
My wife and I have been feeling some tension lately. I've got a new job starting in just under a week, and I've got this design job unfolding faster than I can keep up with it. It's all going to be OK, but I'm under some pressure just the same. She's feeling it too, but she's got her own world of stuff to deal with. She has been having seizures for the past 3 or 4 months now. Her doctor has given her medicine, but it's not doing a whole lot to help. She can't work anymore, and she is having a hard time keeping up with the kids. Me being so busy is surely not making it any easier on her. She was a housewife for 4 years while I was in the Army, but never with 3 kids. At the worst, she had to deal with 2, but the 3rd came along right as we were getting out, and she started work right after that, I by default became the "housewife" and did my freelance work at night, when she was off, and the kids were asleep. She's dealing with stress, and a feeling of uselessness as she has even lost her driver's license due to the seizures. I'm trying to be there for her, but I'm not getting the support I need at times to do what I have to do. To build my reputations as both a Civil Servant and an Artist. Our problems really came to a head the other day, and she went as far as to throw her rings at me (we each have 2 wedding rings. It's personally symbolic). All has been smoothed over after a day with our respective best friends and some kick ass make-up sex, but the stress still lingers. I just hope that us having more money will actually help. All too often I hear about it not fixing anything, but it really has been the root of as lot of our issues, so my fingers are crossed.
Well, that's all I've got for now. I hope you enjoyed. Have a good one.
Ken
