DJ DEVILISH AKA TSB AKA MAMA BEAR's blog: "LOVE VS .HATE"

I cant take it anymore ..
My heart shouts ..
I cant take the pain I get every day because I let you go ..
I cant bare to hurt you , or cause you any pain ..
but every time I try to forget about you I find your face popping inside of me and giving me air to breathe..

I am an organ , I know , but what I feel , nothing or no one can ever understand ..
I am numb now ..
I cant feel a thing ..
I was bleeding for a while ..
no one helped me , no one rescued me .. so I recovered by time ..
I healed myself with my own dreams ..

but then you showed up ..
you came and opened me , and put yourself inside of me ..
and carved your name in my four rooms ..
carved your words ..
the 3 words
I love you

i was too afraid to let you in ..
too afraid to offer myself to you , and then one day you will hurt me and cause me so much pain ..
leave me on the floor to bleed ..
I couldn't bare to get hurt again ..
for there is no blood left In me ..
I was bleeding before and I cant bleed again ..
I am sorry I have to let you go ..
I am sorry I have to take you out of me ..
erase you from my life ..
erase your name from my four rooms ..
I am crying now , I am bleeding and I cant breathe ..
your words were the beat that kept me alive..

and now I need help ..
how can I forgive myself ?
I know I hurt you ..
I know I made you bleed..
but how do you expect me to love you when I am in so much pain ?
how do expect me to love you when I am so afraid of getting hurt again ?
I cant do it ..
I cant be with you ..
but you will always be a memory that once made me smile ..
that once fascinated me with your powerful amazing words..

i am leaving now ..
going to another place..
to forget about you ..
and forget about all the sweet things you said..
I am sorry ..
I know that life can be so cruel ..
and so unfair ..
so I cant blame myself..
and I cant blame you ..
I blame life itself ..!