Well, I'm kinda in lazy ass mode...lol... yesterday I had the children weeding in my Moms flower bed which stretches across the entire front of her house. I spent most of my time in a chair barking orders at the kids. I kinda half ass managed to brush Chase (my dog), but she wasn't too keen on staying still for me because she hates being brushed. So anyway, me being the dumbass that I am, I decided to grab the rake/hoe-ey thing-a-ma-bobbit and help for a minute. I swear I hardly did any weeding, but my back says differently. So, I spent the majority of the morning in bed snoozing with my honey and then my oldest (who is on his last days suspension) climbed up there to lay down too. I got up noonish and got a shower. Didn't really do much of anything today though. Tomorrow I have to go to the University to sign papers for summer semester. Fun fun. Laura wants us to ride out there while we are in Americus so we may go there for a few. I kinda feel overwhelmed and empty all at the same time. Like I have all these things I need to do, yet I can't get them done. What kind of flake does that make me. Yet again, my husband is pissed at me. I get so tired of him getting upset over every little thing, yet I'm the bitchy one. Ugh, I'm not that horrible of a wife. Ok so maybe I am...
My first husband said that no man on earth would ever be able to stay with me because I am such a Bitch. Well, that I am, yet I still believe that I have a good heart. I'm not a horrible person. I have bipolar and PTSD as well as OCD, so I am extremely difficult to live with alot of the time. I try so very hard to maintain my mood swings, but it isn't easy. I'm only human. Many people say they'd never notice my "disorders" if I didn't tell them, but that's because I hide it so well. Tis amazing what you can make others think of you...lol...Well, here's the truth folks, I'm as screwed up as the rest of the world... but I have my family, my beliefs, and my animals that love me as I am.... and I believe I have my friends too, though they are few... and most of you know who you are... some I don't tell often enough and I am truely sorry for that because you are all so precious to me. I don't have many "real" friends in this world... most of my friends are on this damn computer because life doesn't allow for that much "social" time when you have five children to look after as well as being fairly confined to the house. I'm not suppose to drive or even ride in a car, but I have to get out sometime or I'd go crazy so I drive to the grocery store. My best friend is my mother... My other best friends are my hubby, Gary and Laura. I use to have this incredible best friend named Mandy. That changed compliments of my intolerance for her boyfriends stupid threats to me and my children even though he and I grew up together. Oh gosh though, I miss her... it sounds like a stupid obsession to say such things, but I do. She was the kind of friend that would get up in the middle of the night to sit with ya while you sat constipated on the toilet.... the kinds that shoved her bare ass against my mothers storm door and farted just to leave that "ass cheek smiley face" on the glass. I was the one she called at four in the morning when she was home alone and in major pain from kidney stones... the one she came to when some asshole was sexually harrassing her at work.... I miss her crazy ass so much so...
Gary has been my best friend since the moment I met him about five years back. He use to live with some of my previous friends, but now lives with us and is in the same University as me. He is a God send. He helps me with everything from housework, to kids, to my emotional break downs. He probably understands my disorders better than anyone in the world. The only thing this man won't do for me is wipe my ass...lol... he says that's where our friendship draws a line...lol...He is such a hoot. A few years back I had the Department of Family and Children Services wanting to take my children because my oldest told his school counselor that I beat him and threw him down the stairs. (for the record I have all the clearances on that one... my son has bipolar as well as ADHD and torretts... he does things like this for attention). Gary and Mandy were the only people that showed up to support me and help me make my house spotless. Laura was there as well, but she lived there too...lol. you know a true friend when they will be there through anything..
Laura..... ah, my husbands ex-wife and my best friend. The one person that can truely irritate the piss out of me yet break my heart all at once. She knows how to push my buttons. lol... but she's there too... no matter what... if she can get there, she's there... even to wipe my ass if need be... and yes that was embarrassing as hell. After my back surgery I couldn't do some things for myself and that was one of them. I couldn't bend to do these things, not to mention that damn brace and the 31 staples... So, between my mother, my husband and Laura, my ass and twat were taken care of....as disgusting as that sounds...She thinks it's hilarious to pick on my husband about her being between my legs...I personal feel rather humiliated that I had to depend on them to do these things for me.
I even had to get sponge baths for a bit there which my husband was all too glad to help with. It doesn't matter what others say about being glad to help, it's still humiliating. I don't like to depend on others to take care of me. I suppose we all feel that way though....
Ah well, let me say a few good things now... Two of my kids brought home notes about Awards day at their school next week. I'm sure the others will have them too by the end of the week. They usually stagger in. My next to the oldest son went on a field trip today that was a reward for children that reached a certain number of AR points which is for reading on various levels throughout the year. He is suppose to be on the news tonight which is part of why I'm still up. Gotta see my kiddo on tv...lol..
Well, if you made it through all fo this then I'm impressed and very appreciative that you find me interesting enough to read through my ramblings.... I Love You All,
With love,
Patricia
