It's perfectly normal to run into conflicts with friends and family members at some point in the relationship. But if you struggle with handling conflicts, don't worry—we're here to help! Use these five simple steps to help conquer your fears and smooth over your relationship quibbles.
Acknowledge the situation.
Sometimes we don't want to acknowledge conflicts because we think they reflect poorly on ourselves. Other times, we're just scared. Remember: Think positive. Plus, it's almost never as bad as you think. Try repeating empowering and encouraging mantras to yourself such as "Be assertive," or "It's not that big of a deal." Close your eyes to ease your mind and summon the courage to improve your circumstances. Then take a deep breath—you can do it!
Set the stage.
When and where you choose to discuss the situation can be as important as the discussion itself. First, pick a good time. It should be when your spouse or friend is in a good mood and not preoccupied with other things. Second, pick a good place. Relaxed atmospheres with minimal distractions work best. And make sure the setting works for you, too. The more confident you feel, the better you'll come across.
Take responsibility.
No one likes to be singled out. By admitting your role in the conflict early on in the conversation, you'll show that you want to have a fair conversation. Then try to understand where the other person is coming from. For an overworked friend who's become overly reliant on you, you could say something like, "I haven't been as supportive of your professional goals as I ought to be. I know how important that is to you." You might just hear a few concessions in return.
Offer solutions.
Once you've gotten to this point in the conversation, focus on solutions for the future, not what happened in the past. Be diplomatic, but resist the urge to dictate terms or over-apologize to ease any awkward tensions. Actively engage the other person to find ways around the problem. Genuinely listen to his or her suggestions, and then offer your own. If you can't come to any resolutions in the time you have, agree to discuss it again as soon as you're both able.
Leave on a good note.
Stay positive throughout the conversation. Try your best to make it a win-win situation. Avoid raising your voice or walking out. Even if things don't go the way you had planned, show your gratitude for being able to talk things over. Then end the conversation with a hug or a kind word. Congratulations—you did it!
