so i completly forgot how fucked up i was when i was younger i guess its kinda good my mom took all my shit from me .. but actually i would have liked to have it when i went through some times in my life what a bich for taking it hahah but i took it back and its with me now ...i spent abot an hour reading all this shit i had written .. including a 4 page suicide note i had written basically teling my family to sod off and telling a few of my close friends how much they meant to me and how much i wanted to screw a couple of my friends ... thats never something you want your mom to read .. thats the funny thing about contemplating suicide .... wow ..i was fucked up .. not to say that im not fucked up now .. i guess i was fucked up in a differnt way.. well its hard to say exactly what it is one is feeling in life to make them feel so shitty... oh it also was me coming out ... i said in a line of it that oh yea im bi i love pussy and i love dick at least now while im burning in hell yo9u cant disown me ... and no dad and sarah its not something you can fix with a pill its who im attracted to so fuck you ...the fuinny thing is i was justwriting that one to get all my feelings out on paper so i could read it and just take it in ... and the time i really tried to kill myself i left no note ..because i would have rather had left everyone wondering hhhahaha how fucked up am i ..unfortunatly at that time i was still talking to scott and when he called me that night he knew something was up just by the sound of my voice and so he came to my house and he pulled me out of the tub and bandaged me up and made me sick and he held me for a couple hours and i just stared at the wall.. i wanted to take me to the hospital and i told him id run if he did so i stayed up all night after he left he talked on the phone ... and i said nothing ... i didnt talk for 3 weeks after that ... its funny if they had known what went on that night id still be gone probably far far away in some all girls catholic school like my mom threatend me with a few months earlier ... i cant beleive the shit i did omg it was crazy ..i was crazyi still am but god damn
