I don't know how much I weigh.
I don't know my body fat percentage.
I don't know how much I can bench press.
I don't hate people.
I do enjoy the sound of a thunderstorm.
I do enjoy making my kids laugh.
I do enjoy making strangers smile.
I do fear ignorance, my own more than I do other's.
I do smoke cigarettes.
I don't own a gun.
I don't know how old my grandmothers are.
I don't know my left from my right sometimes.
I like cooking extravagant meals.
I like being the center of attention.
I like to pretend that I don't.
I like being respected for my abilities.
I like the idea of being lusted.
I have spent a lot of time thinking about vanity. Thinking about how troublesome it is. Thinking about what lengths it drives people to. I've been watching shows about people consumed by their own vanity, getting dozens of cosmetic surgeries, and dieting themselves into malnutrition. It's frightful what people will do to appear acceptable in their own eyes. It's not so much a flaw of their resolve as it is a flaw of their sense of self.
I am a vane man. I accept this. It's a part of me. I do not believe it makes me a bad person. My actions, I believe, reflect a person strong in convictions, while open minded to new ideas. A person who is strong enough for violence, but a firm believer in passive conflict resolution. A man who is political and religious, but never self-righteous. A man who can be clever, and yet pleasant. A man who is wise, but never greedy with his knowledge. These are the things I hope that I am. These are the things I want people in my life to help me be. I take pleasure in the simple vane parts of life, but I suspect that most, if not all, people do. I think denying that is foolish, and the few people I can think of in history who claimed to do so were found out as frauds.
I think, if you want to change the world, first look to yourself and say "What can I do that makes me a better person?". Never skip this step. Greatness will come to you if you have the will to first be a good person. It means a lot of sacrifice, and for a long time, this will go unnoticed by those around you, but that is what will is for.
I say, take pleasure in the things you enjoy, don't be ashamed of your desires, and always remember to give priority to what is important. Self indulgence is not the same as self improvement, but they are not un-related.
Ken
