Reeka's blog: "Whatever"

And since I've barely spoken to anyone here lately, I figured I'd write all this shit down in case someone actually gives a damn.

First of all, I'm finally done with the really bad medical stuff.  I'm just on oral antibiotics and my regular meds, no more IV crap and it seems like the staph infection is gone.  I'm almost as far past my last surgery as I was with the first reconstruction when the stitches opened up, so *knock on wood*

Yesterday would have been my father's birthday.  He passed away in June, and I spent the day after Thanksgiving at my sister's house arguing over what stuff of his we each got to keep.  Now my mom, who has restarted chemo due to her lung tumors growing again, is telling me she wants to go through her jewelry and furniture and stuff so my sister and I don't fight over it when she's gone.  And she's sounding like she doesn't think it will last far into next year.   SHE'S been the one telling the docs all along that she'll make it in that small group of people that lasts years after diagnosis... now she seems to be - not exactly giving up, but someone resigned to it.  I'm EXTREMELY close to my mom - she lives less than 15 miles from me, takes my kids at least one day a week, we talk on the phone every day... my world will turn upside down when she dies.

Because my physical health issues are starting to resolve, I started doing laundry again this week.  Apparently this has led my hubby to believe that it's time to start nagging me again about making the house spotless.  He wants me to stay off the computer until the kids to go bed.  This is my refuge!  Where I go to vent, where I pop on for 10 minutes instead of wanting to spank the kids...  I realize he works, but I watch our kid all morning and then work almost half of the afternoons while he's at kindergarten - days when I'm not working, I'm usually trolling careerbuilder or monster.  He has been hauling laundry up and down stairs but not actually washing any of it or putting any away... he's doing dishes but otherwise absolutely no housework.  Until friends want to come over, then he gets all OCD and super-cleans one area and apologizes to our friends when they get here because I wasn't up to doing much cleaning.

I don't need all that stress on top of my other issues.  I think I was doing better while I was REALLY sick, becuase I could just tell myself that my health wouldn't allow me to worry about it.  Now that I'm starting to heal, all the mental stuff is coming back.  My shrink doesn't have any open appts until mid-january.  I feel like I'm about to snap.

That's MORE than enough words.  I'm trying not to reach out to many people because I'm in a pissy mood most of the time and I've said some shitty stuff to some long-time "friends".