I lay alone at night listnin to the wind out side and jus wishin for once i had some one to hold me nice and close and tight, for its been so long that i don nohow or wut it feels like to hav affection or love or n e of the above, Its said that every 1 has a soul mate but i don hav a soul.Most of my life is and has felt like 1 big dark hole, Wit no escape to be heard or seen and really wonder at times why is my life or jus life like it cos its so horrible and mean.I miss so many things that others take for granted . My dad who left this earth 9 yrs ago n evan me mum although we never got along.Allya c with ur eyes is a dumb tree that in memory is planted.I misss the smile i once had but that was another life time ago and now hav learned jus to let it go.Life goes on as well as sorrow and pain and hurt as its all part of learningm M to raise my kids to never giv up.For the path in life i hav led and at times were out of my control this is wut ive tried tellin em so.The hand that life has dealt for me nun of my kids will see or be.I am only 1 person and they hav always been with me and wut they hav already seen scares me . I do not want n e of em to b like me , but how do u no until they are fully grown But i hope and pray i live to c that day cos the way things r goin and hav been i jus don no if i will make it to ever see . Ive tried my best but jus feel ive failed god help me if ive ruined their lives as well cos i may hav well jus gone yrs ago n jus let em be but i was sure i wud be the best n jus didnt want them endin up like ME !
