uh its like 6 pm. So like I guess those lucid dreams are not to be fooled with. Big deal you get to control some of what happens in your dreams.I mean, is that going to change reality?Noooo. I mean ok like I went to bed early last night. I had a very long dream right before waking up and then I got up, was up for about an hour and then I got soo groggy I fell asleep on the couch and 5 hours and a few dreams later i wake up again. Feeling so groggy that I could probably go back to sleep. Like all that sleep did nothing for me. All those dreams I had are almost instantly forgotten as soon as I wake up too.Its kind of defeating itself because I dont want my dreams taking over my reality.I dont want to be asleep for umpteen + hours because I was so very busy running around in a dream all night...and day. Or maybe my body just felt it needed that much rest and the dreams are a perk of the process. So anyways the ex thing has like calmed down.She had to go to court today , and I couldnt help but be worried for her. We talked for awhile via messenger and I was sad she had to go but as it turns out shes not going to jail, so I do feel kind of proud of her for taking care of it and getting everything she needed done and etc. We want to see each other soon and Im not going to stop it. At the same time I dont want to walk back into her fuckups with me again. She thinks I'm going to be like the type of person who sees all her hard work for me and then turns around and says "har har fuck you its not enough for me!!" and its not like that. I suppose in the end even if she did decide to hide things behind my back theres nothing I could do about it because I obviously wouldnt know, and she's not the type of person to just volunteer everything. Even though I still feel there might be a few personal webs she keeps that she doesnt exactly want me to know, I think shes told me enough to allow her to come see me.YEah I got trust issues and to me those in a relationship are some of the most important. Im not really in to sharing my girlfriend with anybody.Im not really into sweeping things under the carpet just to keep something going.It kind of feels like Im going to let her fool me again and in the end I suppose she could if she wanted.But this has to be my final time going with her.I have no taste for coming back if she fucks me over again and I want all her friends to know it.Yknow its funny how her friends protect her from things by keeping things all private and hidden along with her. Of course they dont care about me but they do care about her.So I'm wondering how much theyll think theyll be protecting her when they help her lose the thing that she claims she loves most in this world. SO I guess thats it. Five people have called here since starting to write this thing and I need to get going.
JANUARY 26, 2007
