I have waited in perhaps I of whom will always wait for a regretful I am sorry but i know
you will likely never have that because you will never understand what you did to me
the day you choke on your tears and your heart feels
like it has been ripped form your chest because you realize what you did to me
desperation to make things right, of the horrible knowledge that you never can
because you finally get that I never can push it from mind
you say that you are in the process of blocking everything
out about me and that you recommend I should do the same regarding you
i will never be free from that night, and
God forbid i suppress it all down into the icky murkiness of my being
instead i will have to courage to face it time and courage again
and perhaps PERHAPS i will make me a better person
if i thought u could truly block it all i would be
running to the closes police station to make sure you never don’t ever forget
but the truth is you wont
when your married it will come back to you a bit
when you have a daughter it will hit you hard
maybe in that moment you will realize
when she becomes a teenager the memories will grip at you wondering
if some guy will hurt her the way you hurt a girl you said you loved
when she goes off to college terrier will grip you heart
and if she is if one of three women who get rapped in life
all of the memories you "blocked" will come flooding back at you in a moment
You don’t get it to hurt someone the way you hurt me and then conveniently block it out
However just maybe someday you will be forced to understand it in its fullness
Karma is interesting that way
and on the day maybe I’ll get the one thing the only thing i have ever wanted
from you since that night
your true, intense, unwavering, and honest remorse
and on that day you won't tell a friend there is a different side to the story
just a simple fact that utterly destroyed you thought or said you loved
destroyed i was but i have risen from the ashes
and i am a better person then ever before
even though the scares on my soul are thick and will never diminish or go away
but i wont block them, I’ll be courageous and not cowardly
when your soul and your contentious catch up to you
only then i wish to hear from you again
until then you can only hope that you do not run into me
