How can someone so sure about life before now be so confused by it and fate itself. I'm not one to be content with the way things are. I am constantly trying to better myself and those around me. I'm not a judgemental person don't get me wrong. I usually accept all people and am pretty patient with them too. But I just don't see how most people have the opportunity to make a better life for theirselves and just decide not to take it. How can they be content with having nothing or should I say with what they have and where they are in life. Myself, I want more. I feel held back from what I could be and what I could have in my life. Most of the time I let my feelings and others feelings get in the way of me getting anywhere. That's not who I really am though. I'm a carefree person but at the same time responsible if you can believe that is possible. I sometimes care too much for people and at the same time sacrifice myself as a person. I wish I knew what to do in my life right now. I feel like if I just sit back and let nature take its course. Will I live to be the person I know I can be. There is no promise for tomorrow. Will I have lived my life to the fullest? That's the question on my mind among some other really pressing ones that I can't disclose right now. I wish I could trust someone with the thoughts that seem to confuse me now. These thoughts could change everything as I know it. I guess you could say I'm scared to death to speak about them. Maybe because they could become reality! Who knows??? Sometimes I think that wouldn't be so bad and then I take a look at reality---and it leaves me screaming inside. Only I can hear the screaming and the pain. Only I can feel what's going on inside of me and the tears I keep holding back. Even without speaking those tears would speak a thousand words. But then it would change everything. So here I am just as confused as I could ever be, waiting for God to give me some kind of hope and understanding to this life of confusion.
