I have been doing alot of thinking as of late. And I have realized my biggest fear ever. I am no longer IN love with my husband. Not to get confused with I don't love him at all. I will always love him because he was my first love and he and I have a beautiful daughter together. But I am no longer IN love with him. He has changed so much over the last three years. I feel he and I have grown apart. He has become more involved with his band and spends less and less time with me and Gracie. He made me so happy in the beginning, but now all I feel is sadness even when we are together I don't enjoy his company.
Do any of you think I am bad for this? hell when we got married he had just turned 18 and I was getting ready to turn 19. And here I am going on 22 years old and I am afraid to be alone. I was never afraid to be alone before. I was actually afraid of commitment and attachment. And now I am afraid to be alone. The main reason I have stayed with him after he has told me repeatedly that he isn't going to change and I could either live with it or leave, is because of Gracie. I am afraid to take Gracie away from the only grandparents she will ever know.
My father died when I was 15 and my mom when I was 18, so I had been alone for quite some time before he came along. That and I was sick and tired of always ending up in physically and emotionally abusive relationships. And the more this relationship goes on, it's becoming more and more emotionally abusive to me, because I haven't been happy in so long. And everyone deserves to be happy, right? I was wanting this to work out but I feel there is no hope of that happening, because he hasn't made any REAL attempt to change his ways. I just haven't found the right way of telling him how I feel without him getting really upset or mad.
I suppose I've gone on long enough again. I would really appreciate any feedback that any of you may have.
