Phone menu
Hello and thank you for calling
The State Mental Hospital.
Please select from the following
options menu:
If you are obsessive-compulsive,
press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent,
please ask someone to
press 2 for you.
If you have multiple personalities,
press 3, 4, 5 and 6.
If you are paranoid,
we know who you are and what
you want, stay on the line
so we can trace your call.
If you are delusional,
press 7 and your call will be
forwarded to the Mother Ship.
If you are schizophrenic,
listen carefully and a little
voice will tell you which
number to press.
If you are manic-depressive,
it doesn't matter which number
you press, nothing will make you
happy anyway.
If you are dyslexic,
press 9696969696969696.
If you are bipolar,
please leave a message after
the beep or before the beep or
after the beep. Please wait
for the beep.
If you have short-term memory loss,
press 9. If you have short-term
memory loss, press 9. If you have
short-term memory loss, press 9.
If you have low self-esteem,
please hang up our operators are
too busy to talk with you.
If you are menopausal, put the
gun down, hang up, turn on the fan,
lie down and cry. You won't be
crazy forever.
If you are blonde,
don't press any buttons,
you'll just mess it up.
This coming week is
National Mental Health Care week.
You can do your part by
remembering to contact at
least one unstable person
to show you care.
Well, my job is done .....
Your turn
Please have a safe and Blessed
Thanksgiving Holiday everyone!!
Huggies, Debbie
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