StayCee MehRee's blog: "Me"

So I am sitting here wondering where my life is going and all I can think of is down the drain...
Here I am 25 years old almost 26 and for the past 7 months I have been alternating living in my car to living in a hotel room. It finally came down to the fact I was running out of money and my job had laid me off and I had no place to go besides take a drive with the last 35$ I had got back from the hotel deposit to see my family for a while.
Now my family has been really supportive of me coming up here for a while but they really don't know a lot of what is going on mentally with me. See I have a boyfriend down in Springfield whom I care a lot for but he just can't seem to get his life together for us. He says he wants to get a job, get independent, and get his license, I say he is full of shit though. I believe his parents are controlling him just to keep him around so they can steal his S.S.I. check. But that's my opinion.
I did meet a few wonderful people here on fubar in the past few weeks while I have been here. I am sure you guys know who you are if your reading this. But it seems that I really have grown fond of one of them as I normally do in circumstances when I am at a low point in my life. I want so badly to be in his arms and I think about him day and night. We care about each other so much but distance has made it impossible to see each other. I have decided that if the chance ever arose to were I could go to him I would say goodbye to Ryan for the simple fact that at least this guy seems to want a future with me and is at least working..more then I can say for my current boyfriend.
Today me and my parents got into a huge argument about my life and why I am were I am in it. They basically called me a worthless piece of trash and told me that I will never be anything to them, and that I should just leave from up here in Carrollton and go back to the cardboard box I was living in before I came up here.
Now I am not one to ask anyone for $ straight out or even ask to borrow money unless I know I can pay it back in due time. My parents seem to think I am always begging for money or food when I am around them but thing is not ONE TIME never have I asked them to give me money since I have been here. My mother does custom embroidery work and uses this computer to digitize images she needs to do and a few times there was some images she couldn't figure out how to load right. Of course me being the worthless daughter I am offered to help out since I know so much about the computer and completed around 5 or 6 images for her within a weeks time, with one image taking over 5 and half hours to digitize. Now not once did I ask her to pay me for it like my younger sister does when she does the same thing for my mother but yet my mother gave me 20$ one afternoon for helping and then payed for me to play bingo a few nights. Now tell me how is that begging for money...I have yet to figure that out.
So doing some thinking I have decided that maybe I am worthless, maybe I am just some piece of trash who can't find the place in this world were I belong. But who knows maybe there is that someone out there that does cherish me or wants me to be in their life...until I find that someone I will continue to live in my poor excuse of a life.

I want to post this blog because I want people to know how I feel, how I hurt, how I wish. Please if you could take just about 4 minutes out of your hectic life to listen to this song.
6 Months ago I would have never even knew who this band was or the songs that they sing if it hadn't have been for my loving boyfriend Ryan. He opened my eyes to a life that I never thought I would care to get into.
After listening to this song I realized I just want someone to hear me. I want someone to know that I am here and that I am not just another face floating across your screen or a name in your bartab.
I am someone and I want to be heard.

ATTENTION FRIENDS AND FANS(FAMILY THIS DOESN'T APPLY TO YOU): MY NSFW PICS ARE NO LONGER GOING TO BE ABLE TO BE VIEWED BY EVERYONE. ONLY PEOPLE IN MY FAMILY WILL HAVE A CHANCE TO VIEW THEM. THE ONLY WAY YOU CAN VIEW MY NSFW PICS IS TO: 1 DAY ACCESS: EITHER A ONE DAY BLAST, RANDOM BLING, OR 50,000 FUBUCKS 7 DAY ACCESS: EITHER A 7 DAY BLAST,BLING PACK, RANDOM BLING WORTH MORE THEN 5 CREDITS, OR 750,000 FUBUCKS 30 DAY ACCESS: EITHER A 30 DAY BLAST, 25 CREDIT BLING PACK, ANY VIP GIFT, HAPPY HOUR, AUTO 11'S BLING, OR 3,000,000 FUBUCKS I AM TIRED OF PEOPLE SENDING ME SHOUTS AND BEING PERVERTED AND SINCE THIS IS THE ONLY WAY I AM GOING TO STOP THIS THEN SO BE IT. FAMILY YOUR FAMILY FOR A REASON DON'T ABUSE IT. AS FOR FRIENDS AND FANS WELL IF YOU WANT TO BE IN MY FAMILY THEN ALL YOU NEED TO DO IS ONE OF THE FOLLOWING ABOVE OR JUST TALK TO ME AND BECOME BETTER FRIENDS AND EARN YOUR TRUST. SORRY IT HAS TO BE THIS WAY BUT THAT IS HOW I FEEL ABOUT THIS ALL. THIS KINDA GOES WITH THE LAST BLOG I POSTED. THANKS STACIE

Ok friends, family, and fans just a little note I want to pass on and please don't take this the wrong way...
Here lately I have noticed alot of people with Auto's on so I have committed most of my time to rating only those with 11's on for the points only. Please if you have Auto's on and you want me to come rate you I would prefer either a Shout in my box or a Private Message letting me know. Now another thing since I have alot of friends with Auto's on all the time or most of the time I can only find it fair to rate some of your pictures before moving on to another friend and helping them. Generally I will only rate around 100 pictures or so. Now friends that have Auto's on that are offering fubucks for rates will get priority over those without. I want to make that clear. I also may go ahead and rate all your pictures just because I feel like it or because no one else has sent me messages letting me know there Auto's are on.
Please if anyone has questions or comments feel free to add them. I just want everyone to understand just because I don't go thru and rate every single picture it's nothing against you or your photos I am just trying to be fair to all my friends.
Much Love & Hugzzzz-Stacie

Hey everyone it's been awhile since I have posted a new blog but I figured I would catch everyone up on how things are going for me. As of August 31,2008 I split up with the piece of ass I was with Eric-the one that abused me and controlled me. And best of all it was on his birthday we split up. I walked away a happier person then I ever had been and moved into Springfield on my own. At first I was very scared and not sure were to go but as time went on I realized the lord would lead me were I needed to be. For the first few months I was living in my car struggling and didn't have a job to speak of. As time went on I was able to locate a job and make some extra cash. I worked and saved up and was able to rent a motel room since November the 7th this year thats were I have been living. Take into mind it is still hard but I have learned to challenge myself and with that believe I have become stronger then ever. In the time of my hardship I was able to meet an amazing man on August the 10th 2008 who I became great friends with. On September the 18th 2008 I asked him if he would be my boyfriend and we have been together every since. I believe the lord put me through all these test just to be rewarded the best gift of all, a loving, caring, respectful, gentle man who would never do me wrong. I truly have been blessed and believe there is more to come were that came from. Thank you God for everything you have planned for me in my life. And Ryan thank you for being so understanding, patient and supportive of me in all I do. You could have easily given up on me a long time ago but you in turn never did. I love you so much! Much Love, Stacie P.S. If anyone needs to reach me my number is 1-417-833-9997 ext 1019 and the best time to reach me is in the late evenings.

Hey if anyone needs to reach me here is my new cell number 417-619-3537 I have free weekends so thats the best to reach me...hope to hear from my friends on here I love to talk on the phone. Much Love Stacie xoxox

Ok so to all who read this I just want to let you know that I am back in Marionville..here is all my info if you should need to reach me. I do not have the net so to contact me you will need to email me at this email address: thuggedout_pimptress@yahoo.com Here is my address to write me if you choose to do so Stacie Arnold 409 S Newton Marionville, MO 65705 here is my cell number although i barely keep any time on it but somedays you can catch me online--- 1-417-429-6545 Hope to hear from you all soon much love ---Stacie

Well as you all know from before and earlier blogs I have posted my ex fiance kicked me out of the trailer I was living in with him. I am not blaiming him for any of the situations or issues that have arisen from this as I know that the reasoning behind it all is the fact that I met a new man on the internet and he couldn't deal with the fact of me and Andrew being happy together. So here comes the title of this blog. I am at a point in my life were I don't know were to go or how to get there. I have 11$ to my name a half assed broken down car that dies on me..speaking of dying I had to push the SOB almost 3 blocks this morning to try and get a jump start, luckily an old man was nice enough to stop and offer me a jump. Not only are all these things going wrong in my life but I am at a point in my life were I can look forward and say..wow were do I go what do I do, how did I get here and how do I fix this. That's just it I don't know how to fix this. I need to get back down to Marionville and work some things out. I have no home to live in for the past week almost 2 weeks I have been staying with my grandmother and she has been really supportive of me and helping me. I have tryed getting a job up here in Carrollton but that doesn't seem to be going to well. I know that work down in Marionville isn't the best but Springfield is only 30 minutes away and well there is always work there. I really want to get back on my feet but I am to the point were I feel like I just should give up on everything. I have worked and struggled this long and tryed to hard that I am done. I can't live this way anymore and I can't go on letting things bring me down. I am going back to the place were I used to be before I met Eric my ex fiance I don't want to go into that place in my life again but I really don't feel have a choice anymore. I have asked friends for help, I have asked family for help, I have even asked strangers for help. No one seems to want to help me, My friends all live to far away and the best help they have given me is advice on what to do but seems when I take there advice I just get in deeper situations. My family has just shunned me away all but my grandmother. My mother doesn't say much about the situation, my father absolutley thinks I am a failure and my sisters really try to stay out of it all. Strangers have come forth and helped me somewhat I have had one or two offer to help me with money, which has been a big help only to find out that they backed out at the last minute and played me over. Then there was a couple on here that offered me a place to stay for a while till I can get back on my feet. Which I haven't completly ruled them out of the whole picture yet they seem to understand what has happened and are willing to help me out. As for myself well I feel more and more worthless everyday, hopeless, and just out of site with what is going on. I feel like somedays I could just stare off in space and wonder what it's like to be well off. What it's like to have a little of soemthing. I have nothing nothing to look forward to nothing to step up to and nothing to hold on to. I have no life lines left. What's to live for now? You tell me. Because if you know the secret to this mess I got myself in I would love to hear the answer and how to get out because I don't have the first clue on what to do.

Attention friends, fans, and family: My yahoo id StarBYRD69 was hacked today I am now using thuggedout_pimptress@yahoo.com so if you want to reach me on messenger i am under that name ok thanks stacie

Attention all friends, family, and fans I have moved out of the trailer with eric and now I am living with my grandma for the time being if you need to reach me here is my # 417 429 6545 thats my cell and her house is 660 542 2371 feel free to contact me. I do not have the net at her house so i wont be on here as much in the future but would love to hear from my friends. I love you and miss you all hugs and kisses Stacie