I sit alone and sometimes things consume me in fear. I need time I need space to find the answers but there is always someone pushing me pushing for more. I cant give more Im giving fully to those who need me the most now. My children I am the one person they have that loves them unconditionally and im there always, My mother who gave me the life I have and My grandmother who has lived so fully yet is beginning to see the end of her days. They are where I need to be .....how do u not give all you have all you are to show u love to show u care. and how can some one who says they love you so fiercely want you to turn your back on them and satisfy him? I cant I wont. Love would understand and be patient and wait. but sometimes what seems to be a love of a lifetime turns out to be nothing more than a love that passed the time. I said so many times to myself DO not let anyone in your heart they will only rip it apart. I am my family's rock and I shall continue to do so until I cant do so anymore..Id walk through heaven and hell to make sure my family was safe and well . I wont change I wont faulter and I will find everything I need someday and when i do it will be caring and understanding and hold me when i need holding but not push me to curve to what they see as right. I know I am watched over and I feel the sheltering hands around me and they guide me and hold me and love me. and for now its best until i can find the way to let go and hold on to everything that i walk as myself ...and If you can walk beside me as my friend and be there for me not for yourself please feel free to do so but do not try to conform me to your wishes and ways as u see I should be. I have become a very strong person and I shall hold my family high and embrace every moment til my dying breath..no one nor nothing will change that in me. Wrap ur arms around me as I sleep this night ..hold me close let me feel u and know for a moment in time i am ok I am @ peace and tomorrow will work itself out......then when my world crashes be there to not judge nor condem but pick up pieces n hand then back to me so I can fix it again.
