Sketchy At Best's blog: "Mindless rantings"

This may sound insane to most of you, but because this is my blog, and it is mindless rantings, I'd like to take a few minutes and let you all know that I absolutely detest Szuba's worn in public. What are Szuba's you ask. They are God awful looking pants, made popular by the "Super Fans" on SNL. They are pajama pants, often adorned with sports teams logo's, or whatever else. I hate them. They look sloppy, and the only place they should be worn is in the safety of your home, or perhaps to bed, in your own home. While I'm on the subject, I hate it when people wear pajama pants out in public. I know girls look hot in them. I know that they show off their asses great. I don't like it. In fact, if it was up to me, I'd never seen the following items worn in public. Szubas Pajama Pants Sweats (unless working out or jobbing) Basketball shorts (see above) Boston Red Sox paraphenilia (because they suck) My kids take certain glee in wearing any of the following, except Red Sox apparel, becaus that and 49ers stuff is absolutely forbidden. Take a few minutes America, and get dressed you lazy bastards!

Last night, I had to meet my wife after work, and then we decided to stop by the mecca of local commerce, the Peru Mall. She informed me that there was something I just had to see, which sends a tremble down my wallet, but we have been shopping for a few items for the house, so I thought that maybe she got a line on a good deal on a TV. At worst, we could shop for a phone, snce ours is going out. So we get there, and she says "I just wanted to show you what I wanted for our 10th anniversary." Folks, last Tuesday was our 9th year anniversary. 356 days from now, will be my 10th. So immediately, I'm in a cold sweat, because I just know that this is gonna cost me some dough. Don't get me wrong, I take care of people when it comes to gifts. I plan ahead, think things through, and make an honest effort to get a good gift. I was hoping to get off easy, because she just got jewelry for Xmas, but no such luck. So we head to the sapphire section. There is a sapphire and diamond ring she's been drooling over, and I have avoided looking at the price, but I knew today was the day. So there we were, she tried it on, liked it, and I thought that someone was smiling on me, until Carmen, the saleslady, uttered something absolutely horrible. "You know, 10 years is the diamond anniversary". Now, I know lots of things, but I just don't go spouting them off to get people in trouble. But Carmen is looking out for Carmen, so POW, her eyes light up, and off we go to the diamond section. My feeble argument, that there were diamonds surrounding the saphire was dismissed with a look, and off we went. Immediately, Carmen tells her that they have the exact style of the sapphire ring, but with a diamond in the middle instead of the sapphire. Surprisingly, it isn't much more than the sapphire ring at its regular price. Of course, the sapphire ring is also on sale, so I'd be saving $150, but that is neither here nor there. I can envision that ring, with little wings, flying away at this point, because her eyes are all lit up. This ring was a 1/4 carat. Before you all think that I'm cheap, I am not. I am thrifty, and like a good deal, but I always buy quality. Well...usually. It was suprisingly close to the cost of the sapphire, and I breathed a sigh of relief. Til Carmen says, we have it in a 1/2 carat too. Now, I'm not worried, because my wife has tiny hands, and anything too big looks gaudy. And she complains that her grandma wears gaudy ass rings, that are too big for her hands, and she'd never do that. And a 1/2 carat surrounded by clusters is pretty big. Did you know, that it is gaudy on other people, but beautiful on they eye, and hand, of the beholder. She tried it on, and fell in love immediately with it. I admit, its a great looking ring, but I about cried when she told me the price. I told them I'd have to think about it, but I know I'll give in. Luckily, there is 12 years same as cash, so I can ease the pain monthly. So guys, a little word of advice...divorce at 9 years, or save your money.

Sheriff Joe Arpaio has pulled Shaquille Oneal's special deputy's badge, due to the fact that Shaq used inappropriate language in a video where he "freestyled" a rap about Kobe Bryant in a club. I think that this is awesome. Mr Arpaio said that if one of his regular deputies had done the same thing, he would fire them, so why should Shaq be treated any differently? Finally, somebody gets it. I get so tired when groups of people do things that do something inappropriate, and then say "Well, thats how it is where I'm from". It still doesn't make it right. Kudo's to Sheriff Joe for continously holding to his beliefs and standards. I wish more were like him. If you don't know who Sheriff Joe is, check him out. He is a tough as nails lawman, who specializes in making jail life miserable, so the inmates don't want to come back. He has a tent jail in the middle of the Arizona desert, removed cable TV, doesn't allow them to smoke, and to save money, feeds them bologna sandwichs. Not only does he save the county money, but his return rate is way lower than similar counties in America. Google him, and be prepared to be impressed.

The "Naked Cowboy" is suing M&M's for copyright infringement, because they have adds depictiong their lil guys dressed as cowboys in adds. This is why America is so expensive. At least part of the reason. I have been looking at their adds for years, and they've dressed up as various occupations before, never with clothes, but the accesories. And a guy who has become "famous" because he sits in Times Square in his underwear, playing a guitar, wearing a cowboy hat, is suing them. I'm all for big business getting taken down a notch, but in this case, I hope they win. In fact, I hope they counter sue, so that celebrity wannabe has to put some clothes on. It brings to mind other famous lawsuits, that juries have dropped the ball on. You know the most famous. The 80 year old woman who sued McDonalds because she spilled it on her cooch, and it burned her. She claimed it was too hot. I've been drinking coffee for years, and you get it two ways...too hot, or iced. But this woman got 2 million dollars because it was too hot. Why so much, she should, at most, got her medical bills paid for, and perhaps a lifetime supply of OJ from McDonalds, so she doesn't burn herself again. I mean, its not like she was using her cooch for anything anyway anymore. The next famous botched case was OJ Simpson. Not that he was acquitted, but that he has to pay the Coldmans millions of dollars, even though he was not found not guilty. I am not naive enough to believe that OJ wasn't involved in the murder, but to me, it's blood money his family is receiving. Ron Goldman was a waiter/actor, yet they put the vaqlue of his life at 22 million dollars. If I am shot tomorrow, and my wife sued, she wouldn't get jack shit. I just find it wrong on so many levels, but oh well. And this last one happened to somebody I actually know. He was at a bar, played pool and drank all night, and walked the RR tracks home. Well, almost home. He was wearing a walkman, didn't hear the train, and was hit by it, losing part of an arm, and part of a leg. He was awarded 6 million dollars for being a dumb ass. I will say that he invested wisely, and has saved his dad's life with the money, but he never should have gotten it. Rewarding the stupid is bad business. But I think the juries are too much on the side of the stupid, so they win. So the juries who have decided that Tobacco companies are at fault for having people voluntarily using their products, who found that McDonalds is responsible for serving fatty foods that people voluntarily buy, and other lawsuits of the like...well, I just don't get it. So next time you pay your insurance, thank the dumb ass juries of America, because they keep rewarding the stupid. And Melvin Belli. Jack Ruby's lawyer was the first lawyer to get huge settlements for people, and started the trend. So in the interest of mankind, I am looking into the following lawsuits, for the betterment of mankind. They will all be against companies with deep pockets, so really, it's a victimless crime...right? I am suing the Catholic church first and foremost. Many times I've prayed for something to happen, and yet...nothing. Since they are God's representative, they are the logical source of my lawsuit. So for all the A's I didnt get because I didn't study, for all the games I lost because I didn't practice, for all the women who wouldn't sleep with me because I wasn't attractive to them..I'm suing for 20 Million dollars. Next, I'm suing Midori. Not the alcohol company, but the porn star. She is Jody Whatley's sister incidentally. Why am I suing her? For my tennis elbow. If she wouldn't be so hot and tasty in her movies, I wouldn't have to masturbate, thus causing and repeatedly aggravating such said injury. I think it's good for 10 million dollars. It could have prevented me from entering the major leagues you know. Next, I'm suing all professional sports. Because of their standard of having the best players fill their rosters, they are denying my ability to becaome a millionaire by playing a game. If they would lower their standards, I would have a short, but lucrative carreer as a backup. 20 million should cover it. And lastly, I am suing Al Gore. He invented the internet according to him. So therefore, he's responsible for me being depressed. I never would have known that I don't measure up to all the men with 10" penis' on here. I wouldn't know that every woman but my wife is a nympho, and wants sex non stop. I never would ahve known that if I'd just give my bank account number, Prince Fahid will send me a million dollars because they just need a safe spot to save their money. I wouldn't be addicted to this site, and would be more productive in life. I think that alone is worth 100 million dollars, because it affects my life every single day. I'm thinking 100 million dollars. So when I get this 150 million, I'll probably be on more, and have non stop Happy Hours, and I might even be happy. God Bless America! Mr 7000000

Jamie Lynn Spears is reported to have had a little girl. Maddie Briann was 7lb 11oz and healthy. This information came from an unnamed friend of the "actress". So now the new Spears watch starts. A month from now, pictures of the newborn will show up in I'm assuming OK magazine, since they got the exclusive about her pregnancy. So in one month, young Maddie will have at least doubled my yearly salary. Now I'm depressed. When I had access to Howard Stern, Beetlejuice used to come on. I am not really sure how you would classify him, because he's such a mess, you aren't sure exactly what he is other than a short, malformed, way below average intelligent human being. Yet they would talk about all the appearances he does. His manager let slip that he gets a nice penny per appearance, for doing nothing, and makes between 2 and 3 appearances a week. They also did a spoof, showing his real home, which was quite nice. I don't really care that they are in a way exploiting his disability. I'm way to shallow for that. I do care about the fact that he's making 4 to 5 times more a year than me. It depresses me. And last, but not least, is my boss' son. He's 20, just finishing up at Devry, and has a job offer on the table for 3X's what I make in a year. I used to joke with my boss, saying he'd make more than us combined his first year out of school, and I was wrong...he will make more. At least I have Fubar! Have a Safe weekend Jay

I'm going to have recurring themes throughout my blogs, so I thought I'd put someof the basic ones in a primer, so you can tell early my views, and if you even want to bother reading them. 1) Oprah is the anti-Christ. She is leading her followers down the path of ruin. She has all the Oprah zombies reading what she says, doing what she says...she's a cult within herself. She's a snooty fake, who's forgotten where she's from as far as I'm concerned. Over the years, if there is an American affliction, it has touched Oprah personally. 2) Dr. Phil is the Devil. Where else but America can a fat man have a best selling diet book? Where else can a man who's been divorced have a best selling relationship book? He is living proof of #1. He spouts off common sense, and the Oprah zombies think it's like the first time Jesus spoke. Use your head ladies, he's a moron. 3) PETA is an ecoterrorist organization, spreading false propaganda. I admit, some of the previous animal practices were horrible, but isn't making up statistics and scientific facts, passing them off as the truth, and spreading them wrong also. I used to work in a meat packing plant (insert joke here), and it was horrible. Death, blood, stench...but bacon is delicious. And I love my leather shoes and jackets, so I'm from the theory we're stopping the world from being overrun by cows and piggies. 4) Alec Baldwin promised to move out of the USA if George Bush was elected, and he's a welcher. Step up son, move to Iraq. 5) Sean Penn is a hypocrite. For a guy who spent half his career beating up photographers trying to take his pic, tied Madonna to a chair so she couldn't leave when they were married, and was just a general douche, how can you now tell us who to help, and try to come across as a person who cares? 6) Ted Nugent should be president. He's opinionated, thinks out his ideas, and hates PETA more than me. I'm not saying that everything that comes out of The Nuge's mouth is right, but he's not far off on alot of things. My fear would be all the hippies would actually come out to vote, just so he can't be in charge, then the country will smell like incense...ewwww. 7) The Boston Red Sox and San Francisco 49er's suck balls. 8) Prostitution and Marijuana should be legal. Regulated, Taxed, and Monitored, they could add millions of dollars to the ol' tax coffers. Look at Amsterdam. On some issues, a European way of thinking wouldn't be a horrible thing. 9) I'm for the death penalty, and think that if we would make them Pay Per View, crime would go down, and they would basically pay for themselves, between the actual PPV's, and the ensuing DVD. Who wouldn't pay $39.95 to see a few bad people removed from this earth. 10) If I never heard another Tool, NIN, or any Hot Country band again, I would be happy. Ironically, alot of my friends are Tool fan's, so I consider it community service to be around those retards. 11) I don't always use politically correct words. I am biased, prejudice, and sometimes speak before I think. But I figure everyone is, its just to what level are you. "I don't hate you because of your race, creed, religion, or sexuality...I hate you because you are a douche" Have a stellar day Mr 7000000

I like to blog, obviously, and on another site, my blogs of mindless ramblings and observations were quite popular amongst my friends, and it was fun to come up with new things to entertain them. Unfortunately, our company now monitors that site, and question any entries made during work hours. So I've decided to keep my blogs going on here. Some of them will seem stupid...probably most, but I find everyday life pretty funny. Hopefully you will to. So last night, I'm watching the Andrew Zimmern show on the Travel Channel. He crisscrosses the globe, eating all the odd foods that the world has to offer, and gets paid for it. Last night was Alaska. I picture Alaskans eating alot of fish, and wild game, and don't really see it as a culinary epicenter. I was correct. He ate rotten fish heads, wild birds, walrus, seal, whale...and some other things that I forget. But what stuck out was the Jellied Moose Nose. Technically, its not just the nose, but parts of it is in there. To me, it looked like a TV dinner does when it gets cold. Gelled, brown, and rather nasty. He claims it was pretty good, with each little bit adding a different texture, and taste to the jelly loglikee substance. In Pulp Fiction, Jules utters the line "Sewer rat may taste like pumpkin pie, still don't mean I'm gonna eat the motherfucker" and that line applies so many times over on this show, and Anthony Bourdains show also. As a side notAndrew Zimmern seems to have a taste for animal balls and penis'. Take that how you may. Yesterday was my 9 year wedding anniversary. To keep with tradition, I got stuck working late, my hip was sore, and it was too hot to cook, so we had leftovers. I want to ask other couples, because this happens to us all the time. Sometimes we'll have conversations in our head, like I'll think of something, and imagine how the conversation will go, then forget to have the conversation with her. Later, I'll think of it, and ask if we had it for real, or I imagined it, which she informs me that we hadn't. But when I start it, she already knows what I've already talked about in my had. And it goes the other way also. Creepy. It is handy when we're around people, and can have whole conversations using little key words quickly, so we know what we're saying, and they don't. We watched the Wild West Comedy Tour the other night, which I need to review, and it was awesome. And it got me thinking again, to get some material together, and try an open mic. Unfortunately, and fortunately, we live in the boonies, so we'd have to travel to hit an open mic, but why not. And if I bomb, I'm around a bunch of strangers. Finally, it was released today that Mr Global Warming, Mr Enviroment, I should have been President Al Gore's house used 10% more energy this year than last. This is after he went green, and replaced various things around his house to make it more enviromentally friendly. It also said that in a year, his mansion uses enough power to fuel a neighborhood of houses for a year. Maybe I missed something here. And finally, it is believed that John McCain's wife plageurized her recipe for Chocolate Chip cookies, in the first lady cookie contest. It is word for word for a tollhouse recipe, just adding some more butterscotch chips. No shit. Everyone uses the same basic recipe, and just tweaks it for their tastes. I applaud her for using butterscotch chips, because I love them. If this is news, we need to close some news agencies! Have a stellar day Mr 7000000

17 Million Fubucks for a spotlight today. That just absolutely blows my mind. I am glad Texxas got it, because she's been nothing but nice to me, but is the Spotlight really worth that much? I took my name, Mr 7000000, as a joke, because thats how much I figured I'd need to get the spotlight. I planned on changing it, but unfortunately I blew up, got name recognition, and I'm stuck with it. But the way things are going, that's only going to get me halfway there. I know that they are only fubucks, not "real" money, but I'm stingy nonetheless. I wondered if, when the time came, I could actually part with that many fubucks for the spotlight. I know there is NO way I could drop over 10 million Fubucks for it. I can't do it. I could use that fubucks and help so many others get it, that it wouldn't seem right for me to spend that much on just me. It takes me three weeks to decide on spending on a CD in real life, so there is no friggin way I'd spend everyones hard earned fubucks for 24 hours of fame. The positive is, I can now contemplate changing this stupid name. I can get enough recognition to make a good run to Godfather. I figure if I do it early, I can get it out there. So, on that note, I have a few name ideas, let me know what you think. A) Phantasmo...I watch Ghosthunters way to much B) The Great Phantasmo...sounds like a magician C) Geist D) No Use For a Nickname...this was my original name on here E) Ivan Tulic

We recently got bought by another company, us and our competition, o now we're one big happy family. We locate 3 utilities, and they marked the one we didn't locate. We are now arranging classes to learn how to locate the utility that they marked. I have previous experience marking this utility. Despite that, we've just been informed that we are having mandatory weekend classes. It is unsure if it will take one or two days.. Since the end of March, we've been working mandatory Saturdays. On these days, we are working on jobs that aren't due til Tuesday. I know what you think, it's all overtime. Which it is. But you have to realize, we'll get real busy, and when they need us to work Saturday's, we're already fried. So now we're wasting a weekend learning how to locate phone. They'll make our area drive, even though there is enough people in the area, that they should have a class that is convenient to us. It may last two days, so that weekend is shot. Then they'll get paranoid, and have us work the next weekend to catch up, which we are not behind. My point is...well, I have no point, and just wanted to vent. This will make absolutely no sense to anybody but people who know what I do, and even to them little sense. I guess I'd just like things thought out a little more. They think they can pacify us with the theory that we're making more money, but sometimes that isn't it. I'm taking a class, to learn to locate a utility(that I already know how to mark), which increases the chances of taking a damage 25%. We'll work the same size area, but have more work. Which presses us, which leads to shortcuts, which leads to mistakes. At least they won't be giving us more money to do it...bastards.

I am an overly dedicated employee. If they need someone to work a weekend, they just assume I will...and I do. If an area is messed up, my boss sends me and I straighten it out. If a new guy needs guidance, they eventually send him to me. So the last few years, I've been frustraed because we've been understaffed during the busy season, and worked like dogs. So this year, we were bought out, and a whole crop of newbies have emerged. And in our area, of the five new people we've hired, I think 3 will work out, one will get fired, and the other will do just enough to stay. And of the three decent ones, the one will go back to school. So 40% of our new guys will work out. And sadly, thats not too bad a percentage. So in the last two weeks,d one guy with experience quit. We knew he would, he got hired by the railroad, good money. We hired two guys to replace him. Thats better than most years. I got transferred to work his area, because in theory, there are things that I am certified to do, and the new guys can't, and its just easier that way. It's a great area, and for a week and a half, I was living the high life. Unfortunately for me, the two guys they hired to fill in the void of my transfer, aren't productive enough, so I was transferred back, and one of them was sent down. They also informed me I'd have to go down there on occasion to do the locates they're not certified for. That is what I found out Monday. I also found out the one new guy who isn't going to make it, his dad died over the weekend. Don't get me wrong, I have compassion. But he's been going over our boss' head, and telling them a story about how our boss doesn't care, and is insisting that we're all mad at him, and that he's being forced to work. I've gone thru two deaths in my family, and my boss bent over backwards to make sure I had the time off. He attended both wakes, and sent flowers out of his pocket, not the company's. This guy needs the boot, but my boss is a good guy, and wants to hash things out with him. Yesterday, another guy got in an accident. A drunken lady drove thru a country intersection and he hit her, she was at fault. Luckily, by his own admission, he wasnt hurt but an abrasion on his arm. He did go to the hospital, and the doctor insisted he take pain meds, because the air bag got him. So he can't work for a few days. So he'll be out til Monday I bet. What the hell is wrong with people. You are given an opportunity to make a decent wage, because we do make decent money, and yet you piss it away by pettiness. You look for reasons not to work. You make trouble where there isn't any. I don't get it. I was raised to respect the fact that they hired my dumb ass, so you show them the respect back by working hard and giving them the best effort you have. But we have a bunch of people who are always crying about one thing or another. We go to work when we want within reason. We have very little supervision. We go home when our work is done, or have the option to work ahead and get overtime. Our boss is very lenient when it comes to day off's. Yet they cry, cry about stupid shit. And our HR guy is afraid of paying unemplont, so we keep the malcontents forever. Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe I'm too dedicated. I'm 40 years old, and worked as many hours as someone who is 47 if they worked 40 hours a week in my life. Sadly, I figured it out. I've missed out on some personal things because of work. My first wife said I worked too(It did give her the opportunity to date freely though). Some days, it's just depressing and disgusting when I see how people treat their opportunities. That is my rant for today, read this every week, I'll feel same way. Damn my good upbringing.