Murphy's 50 Laws for Military Police
Author Unknown
** Your brasard and your badge WON'T stop bullets.
** If it's stupid but works, it isn't stupid.
** Don't look conspicuous - it antagonizes officers.
** When in doubt, Empty your shotgun.
** Never share a patrol car with anyone braver than you.
** Not wearing body armor attracts bullets and knives.
** If your response goes well, you're at the wrong barracks.
** Your Patrol Supervisor will show up when you're doing something really stupid.
** The time it takes to respond to an emergency is inversely proportional to the importance of the call.
** The warrant you don't read is the one you'll serve at the wrong quarters.
** No matter how you write it, the Desk Sergeant will want you to change it.
** If you charge in all alone, you'll be shot by your own officers.
** The diversion you're ignoring is the actual crime.
** The important things are always simple.
** The simple things are always hard.
** The easy ways are always blocked.
** The short cuts are always under construction by the post engineers.
** Anything you do can get you in trouble - including nothing.
** When you've secured a crime scene, don't forget to tell the brass.
** Using the siren and light to clear traffic - attracts traffic.
** It only becomes a riot right after you show up.
** If you take out the newest patrol car, you'll have an accident.
** No street-wise unit ever passed inspection.
** No inspection-ready unit ever makes it on the streets.
** The thing you really need, will be left back at the MP station.
** Radios will fail as soon as you need back-up desperately.
** Flashlight batteries always die out, just when you really need light.
** Military working dogs attack anything that moves - including you.
** The helicopter will always be low on fuel, as soon as you need it.
** You'll find the suspect you want, when you're off-duty and unarmed.
** If you respond to more than your fair share of calls, you'll have more than your fair share of calls to respond to.
** The suspect will escape, just before you set up a good perimeter.
** The dependent who screams loudly when you don't show up quickly, also screams when you do.
** The weight of the dead body you'll have to carry is proportional to the amount of stairs you'll have to climb.
** Fatalities always occur at the end of shift - or when it rains and snows.
** Your weapon was made by the lowest bidder.
** Contrary to popular belief - general officers don't get tickets.
** You won't get called to a court martial - unless it's your day off.
** Take off your hat and the MP Duty Officer shows up.
** Empty guns - aren't.
** Your two minute "back-up" is always actually ten minutes away.
** The alley you sprint down, is the wrong alley.
** Tasting suspects drugs works - but only on TV or in the movies.
** Suspects always hid in the last place you look.
** Soldiers always need you, and find you - when you're eating.
** There's no second place in a gun fight.
** Better to be judged by twelve, than carried by six.
** Professional criminals are predictable, but the world is full of amateurs.
** Admit nothing, deny everything, demand proof-then blame a Private.
** Don't stand, if you can sit - don't sit, if you can lay down - if you can lay down, you might as well take a nap
