FAVS
(The scene opens in KC's Luxury Pee Slope Apartment. He's giving a pep talk to his organs.)
KC: Okay gang, I've got a date with this really hot chick. Can you please, please behave for me tonight? I don't need another, "Um, I forgot your name but can I get a high five and could you pay for my beer?" date night like last time. Dig it?
EVERYBODY: Whatever.
EYES: Oh, do they have TV there! I love TV! And maybe waitress butts? Those are the best.JUNK: Don't worry, I'm almost getting hard.
KC: Seriously, no boners now.
JUNK: After all I do for you, now you don't want it? I'll remember this.
KC: Look Boner, this is all a ploy to get somebody else to play with you for a change. Hands are getting tired, right?
HANDS: Yeah, we're getting hairy.
EYES: I'm going blind.
(KC exits Apartment and walks to Fancy Restaurant)
BRAIN: I wonder how you're going to screw up this time.
KC: Shut up, I'm trying to think.
BRAIN: Balls. Mega Man II. Farts. Ninjas. Balls. Balls are pretty funny.
KC: Okay, I'm not going to think. Just going to do. Right Brain?
BRAIN: You butchered that Yoda quote, gaytard.
GUT: I'm hungry.
KC: Settle down, we're going to a restaurant.
EYES: Oh, do they have TV there! I love TV! Maybe shiny lights? Oh, and maybe waitress butts? Those are the best.
KC: Look, you're going to pay attention to our date. That's it. Not SportsCenter. Not the sweet-assed bartendress. Not the Christmas lights.
BRAIN: Oh, novelty lights in a restaurant. You're so classy. Will you be having the Colt 45 or wine out of a box?
MOUTH: Awesome. Let's get shitfaced.
KC: No. Behave. Legs, what's your problem? We're going to be late.
LEGS: Your bad knee Old Clicky is tired. Plus, we're short.
OLD CLICKY: Is Matlock on yet?
KC: How did I get stuck with you douchebags?
MOUTH: You were first in line for brains.
BRAIN: Hehe. Look. Dog poop. I hope somebody steps in it.
(KC arrives at Fancy Restaurant and looks around)
JUNK: Now is it time?
KC: No. We're in public!
JUNK: No problem. Going up.
KC: I can't wait until you get cancer. Eyes, check out the joint.
EYES: I don't see shit. What's she look like? The old lady or the blonde? Look! A poster from the 1930s King Kong. Awesome.
KC: I swear, if you dart around I'm going to stare at the sun for 20 minutes tomorrow.
(KC's date, Zee, arrives)
KC (to Organs): Okay, game time.
JUNK: On it.
KC: No, you're not.
JUNK: What the fuck are you waiting for? The dude washing dishes? If I don't get some action...
KC (to date): Hey Zee. How are you doing? This place is cool, right?
EARS: WOW! CAN YOU HEAR THOSE CARS! THEY'RE LOUD! OH MAN! THEY'RE PLAYING COLDPLAY INSIDE! EVEN THOUGH I HATE THEM I'M PAYING FULL ATTENTION!
KC (to Zee): I'm sorry, I missed all that. I might be going deaf, too much metal, you know.
BRAIN: You're about as smooth as an Alabama turd right now.
KC: Fine Brain, you think of something to say.
MOUTH (to date): You have nice belt loops.
KC: Mouth, who the fuck asked you to talk?
MOUTH (to Zee): You see Battlestar Galactica last night? It was Cylon-riffic!!! Haha.
MOUTH (to KC): I like laughing at my own crappy jokes.
KC: That's it dickbrain, coffee and ice water for you.
MOUTH: NOO! I can't handle anything too hot or too cold!
KC: Sucks for you.
KC (to Zee): Wow, they seated us right next to the lobster on the dartboard. You wouldn't believe how hard this table is to reserve.
