it sits there staring, laughing at me
tempting me to just do one more, one more release is all I'll need
I think for a nanosecond, the repercussions of my actions, time slips by, pop another and some more
drown you pain in a prescription, meant to heal you, make it hurt.
Not cause it wants to but because you need to, cause the pain give yourself a purpose a reason to fucking feel.
Anyone who matters is gone, without a goodbye they left, to sad for them I guess it was. Now I'm lost, forgotten while they spread out and grow. I'm left, here in my sorrow, dying by myself, cause of myself.
No one gets to pick the cards they are dealt in life , well fuck me I wanna new dealer and a new deck. Fuck the rest of them their better off with me to worry bout, constantly wondering if they'll come home and find me face down in pool red. A pool of red, fuck I don't do pain they don't know shit about me, my own, they claim they don't want me to when asked why they reply, they don't have the money for the expenses. Yet they pay for therapy and institutions place me their to be out of their way giving them false peace.
Well I got them this time, they never knew bout this one, my slow slip into numbness, started with one not anymore 5-6 does it now, can't walk, don't wanna, kinda tired, new bottle took 27 that should do it, fuck it, I don't care anymore bottles right there, they should of paid attention they would have seen, went from one bottle a month to 3 bottles a month, fuck the doctor hasn't even realized it yet.
Can't feel my fingers and arms now, numbness my release, I feel it creeping up my spine, teasing me with sleep, its been 87 hours since I've seen a dream, it teases me, my eyes flutter, sleepy I yawn creeping up my brain now the numbness is
Probably should have done this a different day not on his day, my dads birthday, that is haha go figure his birthday is 4/20 haha makes me laugh, my eyes go glazed my vision blurs, I'll never forget the moment I felt for once a release.
So obviously I didn't die, and yes it is true I ODed when I was 15 don't believe me ask Hef she'll tell you. I woke a few hours and tube down my throat with a gallon of charcoal and a stomach pump wretching my insides and a severe allergic reation to certain pain killers now. Well 8 days in the psych ward and 4 yrs of therapy later, the only question I ask myself bout it is, what would of happened if I would have remembered to toss the bottle
