Wikkid's blog: "Relationships and Marriage"

I saw a recent blog by a man who wrote one sentence in the blog. "I need a girlfriend to make me happy."

The ability to be happy without a girlfriend is the thing that is going to get you a girlfriend and make a relationship successful. Otherwise you are coming from neediness because you are giving your own personal power away. Your security and emotional state is dependent upon a girl being in and staying in your life. This is called neediness and causes people to make emotional responses that can often turn ugly, instead of making rational choices.

People simply get along and have some sexual chemistry so they get into a relationship, but they often find out later that they just don't get along, or there is some other problem. Instead of talking it out and letting each other go, they try to own, possess or control the other or ignore the signs of trouble and drag it out hoping the problem takes care of itself.

You choose your own emotional responses. The actions and behavior of people do not choose them for you.

When you center your security (happiness), wisdom, guidance and power on family, friends, work, religion, possessions, etc. instead of your own principles, they are limited in creativity and effective problem solving and dependent on the state of those centers.

For example, if your happiness is determined by having a girlfriend, your security, power, guidance and wisdom is limited and determined by whether you get one or not. What if she leaves? Where is your security then? What if there is a problem in the relationship? Your problem solving skills will be limited by trying to please and keep her, instead of taking her feelings and ideas into consideration and coming up with a win/win solution based on your own principles.

Or perhaps your security and guidance lies in the approval of others, or religous beliefs, or what your friends think. Without their approval your security, wisdom, guidance and power is limited because it is reliant on what they think you should do and on getting their approval. Millions  of believers think religion gives them power but in reality it teaches them to be apathetic, irresponsible, and to give up their personal power.

No one "makes" you happy. You don't need a g/f to be happy. Be happy on your own. It definitely can help make your life happier and more fulfilling having a great woman in your life, but many relationships are ordinary, boring and often fail because of neediness, insecurity, the fear of doing the wrong thing & losing the other person. Most couples don't make their relationship a self-improvement journey. Most couples don't think past the ordinary and what society and religion has taugh them to accept about relationships. Problems in the relationship, and life in general, are opportunities of problem-solving and learning higher levels of unconditional love and compassion.

Don't fall into victimhood or play a pity card. This will drive women off. Don't worry about impressing a girl, or losing a girl. Have real standards, beyond the physical, that she must meet and don't settle for a girl who doesn't meet them. For me, I like women who are adventurous, spontaneous, who are givers and want to learn wonderful things. They have to be bisexual (openly admit to loving women also) and they have to be non-religious.

Women say they want a nice guy, but it's bullshit. They want a man who tells it like it is, who has a stronger reality than them, who dominates them and ravishes them in bed until they are crying tears of joy.

This doesn't mean being a nice guy that she can walk on and it doesn't mean to be an asshole and trying to domineer, possess and control them. It means dominating them wiht real love and leading them to discover wonderful things.

Relationships are a one day at a time thing, nothing more and nothing less. Granted that we may get into them with the intent of the long term, you don't know what is going to happen tomorrow. There is no forever, no promises. The future is nothing more than a set of potentials. Legal marriage goes against the laws of love and life because we are gods with free will and there is no forever. If a woman wants to leave me, I wish her well and let her go. I don't need to own, possess or control her. Sometimes a person's life path changes and we cannot always follow.

It means being like a strong spiritual warrior who's self-respect, happiness, character, veracity, critical thinking, power, wisdom and guidance is determined by his own principles that do not change because of circumstance, but only because you evolve those principles with the principles of life (as you learn them) that have stood the test of time.

It means coming from a position of love and compassion. We dominate them with love. It means understanding that women are emotional creatures and helping them learn how to deal with imbalanced emotions - which means learning how to do it for yourself first. You have to be the emotional balancer when she cannot.

I love women and I love to make them happy. I like to flirt for fun, just to make a woman's day or make them laugh. It doesn't have to be a woman I'm interested in and it doesn't have to be with the agenda of hooking up or impressing her. My only agenda is to make their day, but if I'm interested, my other agenda is to simply qualify them and see if they meet my standards.

Women usually do the choosing because most men don't have standards beyond the physical. By having them, you can both make a clear and mutual decision on where you want to take the relationship. by having standards, you are choosng along with her.