i accidentally titled my blog what i meant just this subject to be, guess that's my blog's name now.
no cannonballs
My father told my sister and I what he wishes for his death arrangements. He wants to be "burned" and then his ashes sprinkled along the north side of snake hill bay on saratoga lake, where we live. After the the sprinkling is done (which must be done from our pontoon boat, all the participants in swimwear with beers in hand) we all have to do cannonballs into the ashy water.
My sister agreed with this idea, and decided her fate should be the same. Except she doesnt want the cannonballs... however when she told me this i was a little confused, because i wasnt sure if the one difference between her plan and my dads was the cannonballs or the being cremated. This confusion immediately led to imagery of high tight cannonballs onto dead bodies floating in the water, which i found fucking histerical.
All this morbid conversation at the breakfast table started with the general consent of the stupidity of coffins and the rediculous idea of preserving your body after death. After burying dead people for almost 3 years, ive had a lot of time to think about this. I think ideally, i want a viking funeral, where i would be laid on a wooden raft, set out on the ocean ( i cant decide pacific or atlantic, i guess i dont really care) and then shot with a flaming arrow at sunset. I guess i just like the idea of me going out in flames into the sunset on the ocean, so yea definitely pacific. But, this probably wont happen, because if i decide this to be my fate then my true dream will not be possible. My true dream is to be "burned" and then have my ashes smuggled into a high-class bakery. I would want to somehow be put into a mix that would result in thousands of people eating my ashes and not knowing it at all. I guess im pretty fucking crazy. But still, this seems way less crazy then pumping my body full of chemicals, put in a wooden box that gets put into another box (cement or steel depending on how much money you got) and then buried to be 'undisturbed' when in actuality as soon as the mofo whos getting buried next to me goes in the dirt my boxes of sanctity will most likely be destroyed anyway.
You might think im contradicting myself, bashing the idea of self preservation and then saying i want people to eat my ashes. I guess in a way i am. But for sure i want to donate all my useful parts. I hope in the future they can do penis transplants, that way when i die some lucky lad could put this beautiful masterpiece to good work instead of letting it incinerate with the rest of me. And my eyes, i want someone to need an eye transplant right when i die so as soon as im dead they can pop them out and pop them in while theyre still warm.
Whatever i finally decide on, im pretty sure i dont want people doing cannonballs on me.
