Whoooweee this was a tough one! Reading the news one morning over breakfast I learned that his first name was "Muammar", and suddenly, without really thinking about it, I had four verses in my head to the tune of Bohemian Rhapsody. So it had to be done. Go grab your copy of Bo Rhap, and sing along! If anything doesn't appear to fit perfectly, listen more closely to the original vocal delivery. It does match spot on, I promise! Worked hard on this bugger, would appreciate some comments :)
BOHEMIAN GADDAFI
Are you a real man
Or a caricature
Don't you understand
You're not wanted any more
Open your eyes
As your regime dies
And see...
You're just a crackpot
You'll get no sympathy
Ruling by the gun, laying low
Time to go, don't you know
Natives have had enough
Days are getting rougher
For you, it's true
Muammar, just killed some men
Sent the army in with guns
Shot them all to kingdom come
Muammar, they're civilians
But now you've gone and blown them all away
Muammar, ooh-oo-oo-ooh
Your time is passing by
Although you may hang on beyond tomorrow
Can't go on, can't go on
Like nothing ever happened
Too late, you're on your own
Now the UN has moved in
And imposed a no fly zone
Goodbye, then Gaddafi
You've got to go
Gotta leave Libya behind and face the troops
Muammar, ooh-oo-oo-ooh
Don't want to say goodbye
You often wish those rebels weren't born at all
We see a little man who calls himself a colonel
Shift your tush, go on mush
No you can't stay there forever
Approaching day of reckoning
Exile is a-beckoning you
Ajdabiya, on to Brega
Ajdabiya, on to Brega
To the port of Benghazi
Rebellion
I'm still in power, gonna make you cower
Set the town alight using military might
Unless you cede to my authority
Major town on the coast
Will you let it go
Misrata? No, we will not let it go
Let it go
Misrata! We will not let it go
Let it go
Misrata! We will not let it go
Let it go
We'll not let it go
Let it go!
Never let it go
Let it go-o-o-o
No no no no no no no!
Oh human shield won't you yield
We can end this bloody siege
The hell we will
NATO air support will take you out
You out, no doubt
(feel free to headbang in your vehicle with some mates at this point)
So you think you can fly in the face of opinion
So you think you can retain all of your dominion
No, never
Don't you try to be clever
Just gotta get out
Just gotta get right out of there
Ooh yeah, ooh yeah
Your cabinet's defecting
It is plain to see
Everyone's rejecting
Everyone rejects your policy
This is where you step down.
Snappy title, eh? In October 2005 I was fortunate enough to get to see Ronnie James Dio perform in what I believe turned out to be his final full UK tour. He was, as you'd expect, excellent. To get there, I had to drive across central England during the peak of the afternoon/early evening rush hour traffic on a Friday, into England's "second city", not knowing exactly where the venue was or what parking may or may not be available. This is the result of that journey. BUT. I wrote this to the tune of Alice Cooper's "I'm So Angry", which can be found on the CD "The Eyes Of Alice Cooper". (it's getting on a bit now, so you might be able to find a free download). The success of this directly led to me starting to write songs aswell. Sadly, I'm still not a fast enough guitarist to be able to share the fruits of that particular development with you; but, all considered, that is probably a bit of a relief for you! If you possibly can, play the song and read along to the timing of the lyrics. It will work SO MUCH BETTER than just reading the cold, silent text. I promise.
Shunting, stopping
Patience dropping
Only moving slow
Are we ever gonna go?
Ducking, diving
Slipping, sliding
Trying to stay clear
Of the looney who's too near
The guy behind is a clown
One lapse is all that it takes
See how his bonnet rocks down
Every time that he brakes
Can't get a look
Beyond that truck
This is so frustrating
There's no room for overtaking
Squealing tyres
Rising ires
Someone's gonna crash
Don't let me be in the smash
What was that noise we just heard?
Was it the lane we are in
The driving here is absurd
Someone has had a spin
Driving on into the night
We can see those flashing lights
There's a collision on the other side
But at least we are still trekking
Everyone is rubber-necking
While I'm concentrating on our own ride
A38
The final run
We might not be late
In reaching Birmingham
City centre
Big adventure
All we need to know
Is where we gotta go
Think I'm going insane
Every road looks the same
Cannot find the right lane
Here we go round again
We could keep this up all night
Circling about to the right
This one-way system goes round and round
And although it isn't dark
We can not find the car park
As we keep on covering the same ground.
Is "rubber-necking" a British expression? Any US readers don't "get it"? Please let me know!
Came up with this in a random moment's silliness, and that led to my ongoing Toonacy series.
(Sylvester says)
I lay so still upon the box
When really I was stalking
Playing it crafty as a fox
To stop that damned bird squawking
(Tweety Pie says)
I tawt I taw a putty tat
Asleep atop the telly
I moved in for a closer look
And wound up in his belly!
In 2005, Australia had the best cricket team in the world. Arguably, the greatest of all time. England's sensational series victory had a largely disinterested nation suddenly gripped by Ashes fever. Kids who "hated" the sport were suddenly playing it in their back gardens. People who didn't care the first thing about it were wanting to talk to me about it all the time. I responded in the manner I know best.
It's true! England won The Ashes
There can be no Ifs or Buts
With cuts, and pulls, and brutal smashes
Our KP drove them nuts
The Aussies thought that they were ready
With a brash 5-0 forecast
They failed to take account of Freddie
Now their dominance has passed
For years our batsmen took great fright
In the face of Glenn McGrath
But this England know how to fight
And were the better team by far
Ol' Glenn is still a fearsome sight
And Warney, Brett Lee too
But none of them could change their plight
As we had something new
The king of swing (reverse, of course)
All hail Simon Jones
The Aus selectors had no recourse
Unlucky, Trevor Hohns
And of the men who made the calls
A new star has been born
He made the opposition look fools
Hats off to Michael Vaughan
But what of Ricky Ponting
Whose tactics crashed and burned?
His leadership found wanting
As England earned the urn.
CAST LIST: Australia - Ricky Ponting, captain. Glenn McGrath (pron. McGrar), star bowler, one of the best of all time. Shane Warne - world's greatest ever leg-spinner, cocky podgy beach-bum. Brett Lee - excellent fast bowler, dangerous & powerful late order batsman. Wonderful sportsman, the sort you want to be able to hate cos he plays for the opposition, but you just can't. Trevor Hohns - chairman of selectors. England - Michael Vaughan, captain. Andrew "Freddie" Flintoff, England's greatest all-rounder for 20 years and talismanic presence. KP (Kevin Pietersen), phenomenally talented batsman, horribly over-confident, tragically undisciplined. Simon Jones, marvellous Welsh reverse-swing bowler, typically (for a British sportsman) dogged by serious career-destroying injuries. KP Nuts - trade name of well known bar snacks!
OK, unless you're British or Australian, forget it. Had great fun writing this one, January 2011.
Back to back Ashes
There's dust on the pitch
Is this the start of
A seven year itch?
Australia are beaten
Battered and bruised
Whilst dear old England
Is highly amused
Ponting's li'l finger
Has suffered a break
He should have retired
Now there's a mistake
Who would have thought it
The Aussies can't bat
They don't bowl well either
How funny's that?
By keeping things simple
We won by the book
Who needs a barbie
With a talented Cook?
Our accurate swinging
Laid rest to their hopes
The fat lady's singing
"So long, Aussie dopes!"
Just in case you're interested, the Cook in question is Alastair Cook, England's Test Match opening batsman who scored the second highest number of runs by an Englishman ever, during an Ashes series in Australia. Ponting, is Ricky Ponting, Australia's long-serving, and somewhat undisciplined, captain.
Just how I felt one morning. Well, I say "one"....
It's one of those days
In so many ways
When your mind is just not on the job
We should be, instead
Relaxing in bed
If we didn't have to make a few bob
And the boss is there lurking
Making sure we're working
Typical! (Wouldn't you know it?)
As he walks out the door
He drops off some more
And we're dying to tell him to stow it.
I'm so proud of that Danger Mouse one it's like a little episode all on its own! Comments please!! :)
Written early 2010. Would love to do some more cartoon-based ones for the wider appeal. Post your suggestions, I won't ignore 'em!
I love the Ice Age series, think those two are amongst the funniest I've written.
The Pinocchio one might take a bit of thinking about lol