You know, its amazing sometimes how life works...
Only last week i suffered one of the biggest heart breaks that ive ever endured...damn near came close
to giving the hell up on every fucking thing. I would never kill myself cuz suicide is for pussys, BUT i did damn near give up on life. I closed my heart off to everyone, every where i looked, there were black clouds...and I clung to them. I was actually at peace with my solitude..... and I still am to a certain extent.
I have broken a promise I made to myself last Halloween. On that day, i dedicated it as MY
new year. I dont care who still wants to look at
dec 31st as new years eve, but halloween is mine....from now to forever. And some of those promises that Ive made to myself are as followed:
1) I wasnt going to jump into anything so serious
so fast. ---broke it
2) I wasnt going to tolerate drama and bullshit as
much as I endured last year and previous years --almost broke it, im starting to weed things out though
3) I wasnt going to allow myself to be annoyed
with someone or something to the point that i never feel comfortable trying to keep holding on...be it friendships or relationships ---breaking it
(bottom line is this.... i shouldnt have to ask for anything that is expected, such as, messaging someone randomly just to say hi, or calling them, or hell even a simple comment would be nice) ive always been the one to go to the person and start
up the conversation but you know what? Im starting
to wonder, how many friends would i really have if
I just left it up to them to message me? Would they even notice I was gone? Prob not many of them...
4) i was going to get my shit and life together finally.... Im working on this..right now theres only so much I can do because im waiting for my settlement from my workmans comp case...
Once I get that, I can get a MORE reliable car,
a better and more steady job, and get my own damned place finally......
Just some random thoughts I wanted to put down here....
On a final note, I met a great girl last night....shes very close to my age and we clicked
very well.....and all we did was stood and talked
in a crowded parking lot! Its the simple things that matter the most.....looking forward to getting to know her better, but im NOT repeating
mistakes ive made from the past and most recently...fuck that..no more...
FANGS for reading:
---Dean Dark---
