CantSleepClownsWillEatMe's blog: "Wow"

Ever feel like you're down in a hole, even when you are content with your life? Wow, just started unpacking one suitcase and became a little overwhelemed so I had to come out of the room for a few minutes. Trying to figure out why that overwhelmed me, perhaps I am scared to unpack in fear that in 3 months I will have to re-pack again. Rudi told me the other night soon we will be going to the Government office to apply for a work visa. My biggest fear is what happens if they deny it? Will I have to go back through this whole process again? I got to Germany Friday and he left early Monday morning for the week to work. I am actually ok with that, but I do miss him like crazy, seems like it was just a tease after being away for over 3 months. I was starting to think that things were not *quite* the same with us, but I am fairly certain they are now, he just has alot on his mind with all the work he is doing. I am super proud of him and how well his business took off featuring he started it up a day before I left. I guess I just want to be certain that I am here to stay and doing the back and forth thing. Although I do love that man with all of my heart and would do whatever it took to be able to be with him. We have in the past spoken of marriage, but I dont think he is ready for that and I am certainly not going to have him get married to me for the wrong reasons, I would never be in a despised relationship. Right now I feel pretty alone although I know he will be calling me in a few hours, and that does make these feelings of negativity go away. I have always been an over-thinker, where he himself has told me to stop thinking, cuz somehow my thinking always throws me into negativity. I know once I am able to get into some German classes I will be able to steer my thinking that way, and I wont be so negative because at that time I will have a positive outlook where I am able to understand more then I do (which is hardly anything). Ok I have babbled too long...