I have an issue with 2 family members who I love more than life its self...but laltely it seems that they love a drug more than their lives...
I have given into the fact that one of them is just dependent on this drug and she will never say no to it...she tried and she failed. The other family member has just barely started with this nasty drug but is far from ready to leave it alone because of who he hangs with.......
Am I guilty for them being dependent on this drug?? Yes I am...I admit...I have given them both money to deal with their urges, purely because i did not want to deal with their come downs.
But lately I have come to realize that I just cant do it anymore...and I dont wanna do it anymore...Laltely I have been telling both of them what I think of them and yes it has caused some tension. My relationship with them has changed dramatically.
It seems like I cant go more than 2 days with out talking to one of them and getting into a fight...I cant walk away from them without crying or worse yet breaking into hives. I have gotten to the point where I am making myself sick cause i am so worried and mad at the same time for their bullshit.
I have tried so many times to offer them help and yet they just dont want it...Im at wits end, Im not sure there is anything left to help them...and that is so sad to realize.
Im sure maybe most of you have dealt with this drug and despise it....Meth is a nasty thing and I hate it with a passion. I hate what it has done to my family and I hate it even more for the destruction and sadness and bitterness it has left in me. I myself have never touched that shit in my life nor will I ever. And that is an honest promise I can make......
Im now at a point where I feel as if I have to cut myself off from certain people...Im afraid for them but to be honest Im afraid for myself and the way I have been feeling lately. Its to the point of do I keep dealing with the issues and let myself remain unhappy?? or do I meet it head on and tell my family..fuck you do what u want but leave me alone???...either way Im losing i feel....
I hate the fact that I have finally realized that I am an unhappy person. I FUCKING HATE that...I LOve being happy....I love smiling and laughing and being genuinely happy. Now its just fake shit, its motions...the smiles are forced as well as the laughter...Im not happy with my life and it sucks to realize it.....
I wish....*sigh* to be honest I dont know what I wish for anymore....just to be happy i guess but the question is: how do I do it? How do I make myself happy and forget everyone else just this one time??
