I'm going to bed with a bottle of liquor
I'm going to curl up with my blanket, put my hooch on my nightstand and try not to freak out.
Is this a first for me?
...drank on the can, over lunch hour, in the shower (with my clothes on, with the water running)
Yeah... this might actually be a new low.
I don't wanna talk about it right now.
No one's dead, or hurt, or diagnosed with cancer... just
fucking
terrified.
Not your usual every day terrified either.
this is the "I just drove 20 minutes in one direction out of the city limits, my knuckles are white, my fingers are numb, and all the blood in my body just left through my toes, and there's not a single person I can call or think of seeing that will give a shit, make this okay, or keep me safe" kinda terror.
Cry for help?
Oh god... I've been asking for help for years.
So no, not really.
There's a big empty ball of pain in my head right now, it thunders and pulses, and squeezes
I'm going to lay down.
God I'm tired.
if you're reading this...
uh
I'm not okay. Haven't been for some time, but damn tonight and this month sure are punctuating that fact.
Please await further instructions from a qualified individual.
