We lost our Shelby yesterday. She was a beautiful Shelty that we had from the time she was a pup. She was a rambunctious yet the most loyal dog you could ever want and I feel like I let her down. I had to make the toughest decision nobody should have to make. In the end Shelby was always loyal and loving. She was a member of the family, not just a pet and she shouldn't have to live in misery - yet I can't stop wondering if we gave up too soon even though the vet said it was the right choice. Everything just happened so fast that my head is still spinning.
Shelby started getting sick last Monday. She vomited several times during the day. Things spiraled out of control very quickly. It went from vomiting to doing nothing but laying around. She wouldn't even get up to get her ice cube when she heard me at the freezer. Then she quit eating completely. I couldn't even bribe her with her favorite treats, not even bologna. Then we'd let her outside to potty, she almost fainted once & we had to catch her or she would have fallen off the porch. She could barely get back up the 2 steps to get back into the house. Then we saw that her urine was damn near blood red. Talk about scary.
We took her to the vet and they immediately admitted her to run tests, etc. During the night she had drank some water but the vomiting started up again so she wasn't holding fluids down any longer. In order to keep her hydrated they had to give her fluids subcutaneously. She tolerated that but in the meantime she still refused to eat and her gums and eyes turned jaundiced after she was admitted which was just another bad sign to add to what was already going on.
The labwork definitely showed serious liver problems. They just didn't know what was causing it. It could have been her arthritis medication, it could have been liver disease or she could have gotten into something that poisoned her - although I don't know what that would have been because she was always a house dog. I only let her out to potty or to walk her when the weather is nice. I can't help but think it was the arthritis medication which after researching I found that NSAIDS in dogs can cause serious and irreversible liver problems. Her labwork also confirmed serious problems. In one of the tests (I can't remember which), normal results are between 0.1-0.6...Shelby's was over 6,000. This was the case with all of the tests related to her liver. The vet decided to continue what he was already doing but he didn't hold out any hope. I had an appt yesterday morning and initially I was going to call afterwards but then I told him I was going to stop in instead because I wanted to see her. He said that would be better because he wanted to have a discussion with me and I knew what that meant.
After relaying everything back to Caiti & Cherie (my daughters), they both decided they wanted to go in with me. I felt it was a good idea under the circumstances. When we went in, the vet said nothing had changed for the better and she was becoming more jaundiced. We all knew it was time to make a decision, I just couldn't figure out what needed to be done. I would ask the vet for his opinion and he just danced around it which made me think maybe it wasn't necessary to stop treatment. I finally told him I wasn't asking him to make the decision for me but I had to have all the information I needed to make that decision because changing your mind afterwards is not an option. I didn't want Shelby to suffer but I sure didn't want to give up if there was a chance that things could turn around.
He told me he didn't see it happening. If she were much younger and didn't have arthritis so bad then it would be a different story. But she's 10 yrs old and with her arthritis she's miserable without medication yet she can't take it either because of the liver damage. All of which would just compound each other. Plus her liver was so far gone it was pretty much beyond reversing. She probably could have gone home but she had already been a week without eating, she was vomiting, she couldn't get around & couldn't hold water down by mouth. I knew if we took her home to die we wouldn't be able to handle seeing it happen or getting up in the morning to discover her gone. After more discussion, the vet assured us that putting her down was the most humane thing to do, there really wasn't much hope of anything turning around and the girls both agreed - I wanted it to be a group decision which helped them talk it out.
I had to put down my last dog, Sierra, a few yrs ago but the circumstances were different, she was much older, she had suffered a massive brain hemorrhage with back to back seizures & we had already had Shelby for about 3 yrs as well as my ex's Lab so although I was losing Sierra, I wasn't going back home to an empty house. This time was completely different. I'm divorced now so my ex took his dog when we split up and of course Sierra was gone. I didn't realize how hard it was going to be to come back home. We made our decision & Caiti had to leave the room at this point - I couldn't blame her. I said goodbye to Shelby but I couldn't handle it after the first shot & became a mess so I had to leave at that point for the lobby but Cherie somehow stayed until the very end. I couldn't just leave her there though so I'm having her cremated so she can be back home where she belongs. I can't help but feel that when its all said & done all I have left are her ashes, her collar and the memories.
Some people may think "it's just a dog" but when they become a part of the family it's a different story. She was one of my kids. I moved from Ohio and most people would have given their dog away rather than take them along but how can anyone do that?? That wasn't even an option. Shelby came with us as a member of the family that she was only to lose her. I'm just glad she had us to see her through. But now its hell just to be home. I get up this morning & she wasn't here to feed breakfast or take her outside or give her her morning treat. Her bed is empty with nothing on it but her bone. She isn't here to lay next to Cassidy on the floor while she's playing. I've never NOT had a dog in the house. I can't help but wonder if I let her down, is she in a better place? Does she hate me for this? Could I have done something more? Did she know what was happening and was she scared? Did I even make the right decision? Everyone says it was the most humane and selfless thing to do...I just can't let go of the guilt and wondering if I was wrong.
Shelby, you had such a big impact on our lives. I wish you could have been here for Cassidy like you were to see the girls grow up. I love you Shelby and I will always miss you. Love, Mommy.
