Xx Dirty Pretty xX aka Kitten's blog: "duh?!"

I start this blog out not even knowing what to say..With so many thoughts flying threw my head. 5 minutes ago I made my weekly call to my grandfather to check up on him and also see what's going on with his cell pone cause i keep track of him and those things. Well knowing that my grandmother has been in the hospital and he's been in the hospital..I only thought it would be proper to ask how they are both doing. If they are feeling better cause of their flu symptoms and elderly aches and pains.  He said to me not so good and of course not wantng to tell me anything because my father died only a year ago. So after a few minutes of pushing the issue he tells me she has cancer. Cancer? When anyone says cancer it sinks ur heart...now my grandmother and I never got along and I always said when it's time for them to go (my grandparents) I want her to go first cause i am just way to close to my Grandfather to let him go.. Now that I know she has cancer it changes everything. I don't really want either of them to pass away. I never meant that maybe I shouldn't of said it. Now it's coming true.

So now I don't know what to do what to think what to even say. Did I cause this?  Or was it just destiny..you know fate. Cancer in many peoples minds means death. It's the first thing most people think about when they hear that word. I don't even know if this belongs in a blog really. But I need to get this off my chest and out of my brain before I happen to go crazy.