There's this guy... and he's FUCKING amazing... And he kinda stole my heart from me and won't give it back... Will you beat him up and get it back for me? Wait... He can keep it forever... It's so wierd, but I seriously think he could be the one... My other half... My soulmate... Is it possible that the pickiest woman has found the perfect man?
That leads me to question everything about love... What is perfect for me? Have I been such a bitch to some really great guys?... Yeah I'm sure I have, but you know they were fucking losers and they deserved it... Ok that was harsh... But what exactly is love? How does one describe it? I think this one has slowly let me see the light...
When looking back in my life, I've found that I've never actually experienced love and intimacy on any level... Just some caring here and there about another person, and some hardcore fucking... But like that's it... I honestly did not know what love was until I had both of my children... Can I find that same kind of unconditional love in a man's arms? There are so many questions that I still don't know and I'm not sure if I ever will know... But I know that he makes me look forward to finding out...
I hope that he doesn't hurt me... I've been hurt before and I hope that he's different... If he's not, I just hope that he handles it with care... I'm scared... But it's something I soooooo need to get over... and just go with it... See where it takes me... See what happens between us... Give him my heart and hope he doesn't abuse it...
Being scared isn't going to stop me... I haven't let anyone into my heart since my baby's daddy... And even then, it wasn't true love... It's was a commitment to be good parents and that's it... And no matter what a piece of me will always care about him because he is the father of my children... But it definitely was NOT love... Or well, my vision of love and what it should be... Yet this guy seems different...
That leads me to the ultimate question of why the hell is Valentine's day so damn special? When in love, shouldn't EVERY day be like Valentine's day?? It's like a stupid social obligation or some shit... Guess I'll never understand it... guess I'm just bitching about it because he is there... and I am here... For now anyway...
Guess I'll just sit in my own little world, take a few more shots of my favorite man Jack, and let the world (or him) pull me by the hair and HOLD THE FUCK ON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
xoxo
