Iawoke last night to small fluttering sounds coming from the living room my eyes dreamily trying ti adjust right away i senced that there was no danger or an impulse to retreat..still tiptoeing apon entering, i immediately was immersed in a warm glow.. the christmas tree all sparkling with the lights on it..santa under the tree was displaying his animated charm..i stood there preplexed...,i noticed that jolly saint nick was pulled out of his safe haven under the tree.. almost as if he was just in a social meeting with members of this household.., then all of a sudden my heart felt as if it was touched with uncertain malace.The angels that i had placed on the tree were sitting on top of my video shelf and all lined up as if some one carefully placed them there.. and while i started to feel some anxiety coming on.., it was like the little angels were whispering to me....my eyes were drawn up to the top shelves above where the angels were placed.. my eyes got big and a smile crept over my face.. for that is where my much loved friends ashes were kept.. "I thought to myself this must be fragments of his spirit... and then i knew... and i chuckled to myself and thought he couldnt resist this quiet winter night.. and while this was only a dream...... i felt that life can seem like a dream.. and death is the only thing that is real...
My life was never meant to be so fleeting... or so i thought...i guess i really never caught up to it... My crossroads as i call it, turned out to be the path not yet taken ...so to speak.Guilt, fear,neglect, are just a few of the overwhelming feelings that were tormenting my soul. Somehow pure thoughts cleansed my soul-,which made me have to live up to my spiritual beliefs ,meanwhile my chaotic lifestyle leads me astray, draining me of any and all devine notions , a rather pore excuse for getting sidetracked i said to myself...To right my wrongs i fear.. im just going to have to relive them...MY 88 year old grandma is like the fountain of inspirational, intellectual youth- im in aww of her wisdom.. rubs off on me at first ,would another baptism wash away my sins?? whats the maximum occupancy?? for i have many sins..mabie satan has the only mathematical equation to that...While we thought we had enough time to live and learn, living my life was taken for granted--cast away the forevers, and so i except my fate..