When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take
her someplace
expensive....so, I took her to a gas station . .
. . . and that's how the fight started.
**************************************************
I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Lite
for $14.95.
Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95. I told
her the beer would make her look better than the cold cream at night . . .
. . . and that's how the fight started.
**************************************************
After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to
apply for Social
Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my
driver's license to
verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had
left my wallet at
home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would
have to go home
and come back later..
The woman said, "Unbutton your shirt."
So I opened my shirt, revealing my curly silver hair. She
said, "That
silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me," and
she processed my
Social Security application.
When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my
experience at the Social
Security office. She said, "You should have dropped
your pants.
You might have gotten disability, too . . "
. . . and that's how the fight started.
**************************************************
My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high-school
reunion, and I kept
staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat
alone at a nearby
table.
My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'
'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend.
I understand she took to
drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and
I hear she hasn't
been sober since.'
'My God!' says my wife, 'Who would think a
person could go on celebrating
that long?'
. . . and that's how the fight started.
**************************************************
I rear-ended a car this morning. There we were, alongside
the road, and
slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how
sometimes you just
get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny?
Yeah, well I couldn't believe it-he was a DWARF!!!
He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted,
'I AM NOT
HAPPY!!!'
So, I looked down at him and said, 'Well, then which
one are you?'
. . and that's how the fight started.
**************************************************
I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some
reason, took my order
first, 'I'll have the strip steak, medium rare,
please.'
He said, 'Aren't you worried about the mad
cow?'
'Nah, she can order for herself'
. . . and that's how the fight started.
