"Don't give up on me,"
As I said this, I knew it wasn't what I deserved. Not after everything I had put him through.
"I love you."
"I love you too," he said looking down at me, drawing his hand near my face. I could hear the rain as it fell onto the roof trailing its way past the window. Any other time I would've been at peace. Not now.
His hand gently brushed up against the whiskers on my chin, then my cheek. He had been looking into my eye's listening to everything I had told him. But now he was facing the floor. His eye's closed. He pulled my head to his. "But I can't keep doing this. I can't keep being pushed away. I can't keep being hurt. I can't do it any more. You need help and you won't do anything to get it and you won't let me help you."
"I know and I'll get it. I'll do whatever you want me to! Just please don't leave! I can't bare to be abandoned again. Not by you."
Tears started to well in both our eyes. We were holding each other now still standing by the window. It was raining harder. The entire window was covered with the trails of rain. I just wanted to stay in his arms forever. It always made me feel safe, safe from the world and its judgments, safe from my past, safe from myself.
"I know I've fucked up and I know that I am seriously messed up in the head but I don't want to lose you. I love you so much. Please can we start over?" For a second there was silence. It seemed to last forever.
"I can't," he shoved me away and headed toward the door. I wanted to stop him but couldn't. I couldn't move.
The rain stopped.
He opened the door. And at the last moment glanced back at me. I wondered what was going through his mind. But I would never know. The door closed behind him.
I would never see him again.
