Sexy Shell's blog: "Stories"

The drive back to Bella’s

 

We got in the car and started back to Bella’s house.  I turned on the radio to an oldies station.  “You like 50’s music?” Bella asked.

“Music in the 50’s was good.  Much better than the 60’s and 70’s, ugh” I shuddered.  “The 80’s were bearable.”

“Are you ever going to tell me how old you are?” Bella asked.  “Does it matter much?” I replied.  “Not really, but I still wonder…” she said grimacing.  “There’s nothing like an unsolved mystery to keep you up at night.”

“I wonder if it will upset you,” I said glancing at her.  I gazed into the sun; as the minutes passed.

“Try me,” she finally said.

I sighed, and then looked into her eyes.  I wanted to tell her, but I wasn’t sure how she’d react.  “I was born in Chicago in 1901.” I paused and glanced at her from the corner of my eyes.  Her face was unsurprised, and she was waiting to hear the rest.  I smiled a tiny smile and continued.  “Carlisle found me in the hospital in the summer of 1918.  I was seventeen, and dying of the Spanish influenza.”

Bella breathed in so low, it was barely audible.  I looked down into her eyes.  “I don’t remember it well…it was a very long time ago, and human memories fade.”  I was lost in my thoughts for a short time before I went on.  “I do remember how it felt, when Carlisle saved me.  It’s not an easy thing, not something you could forget.”

“Your parents?” she asked

“They had already died from the disease.  I was alone.  That’s why he chose me.  In all the chaos of the epidemic, no one would ever realize I was gone.”

“How did he…save you?” she asked.  I few seconds passed before I answered.

“It was difficult.  Not many have the restraint necessary to accomplish it.  But Carlisle has always been the most humane, the most compassionate of us…I don’t think you could find his equal throughout all of history.”  I paused.  “For me, it was merely very, very painful.”

“Carlisle acted on loneliness.  That’s usually the reason behind the choice.  I was the first in Carlisle’s family, though he found Esme soon after.  She fell from a cliff.  They brought her straight to the hospital morgue, though somehow her heart was still beating.”

“So you must be dying, then, to become…” she replied not saying the word Vampire, it was like it was an unspoken word for her.

“No, that’s just Carlisle.  He would never do that to someone who had another choice.”  I said with profound respect in my voice.  I respected Carlisle for everything he does, and everything he has done.  “It is easier he says, though,” I continued, “if the blood is weak.”  I looked down the dark road, closing the subject again.

“And Emmett and Rosalie?” she asked.

“Carlisle brought Rosalie to our family next.  I didn’t realize till much later that he was hoping she would be to me what Esme is to him…he was careful with his thoughts around me.”  I rolled my eyes.  “But she was never more than a sister.  It was only two years later that she found Emmett.  She was hunting…we were in Appalachia at the time…and found a bear about to finish him off.  She carried him back to Carlisle, more than a hundred miles, afraid she wouldn’t be able to do it herself.  I’m only beginning to see how difficult the journey was for her.”  I glanced in Bella’s direction, and raise our hands, still folded together, and brushed her cheek with the back of my hand.

“But she made it,” she encouraged, looking away from my eyes.

“Yes,” I murmured.  “She saw something in his face that made her strong enough.  And they’ve been together ever since.  Sometimes they live separately from us, as a married couple.  But the younger we pretend to be, the longer we can stay in any given place.  Forks seemed perfect, so we all enrolled in high school.” I laughed.  “I suppose we’ll have to go to their wedding in a few years, again.”

“Alice and Jasper?”

“Alice and Jasper are two very different creatures.  They both developed a conscience, as we refer to it, with no outside guidance.  Jasper belonged to another…family, a very different kind of family.  He became depressed, and he wandered on his own.  Alice found him.  Like me, she has certain gifts above and beyond the norm for our kind.”

“Really?” I interrupted, fascinated.  “But you said you were the only one that could read people’s thoughts.”

“That’s true.  Alice knows other things.  She sees things…things that might happen, things that are coming.  But it’s very subjective.  The future isn’t set in stone.  Things change.”  My jaw set when I said it, and my eyes darted to her face and quickly away.

“What kinds of things does she see?” she asked.

“She saw Jasper, and knew that he was looking for her before he knew himself.  She saw Carlisle and our family and they came together to find us.  She’s most sensitive to non-humans.  She always sees, for example, when another group of our kind is coming near.  And any threat they may pose.”

“Are there a lot of…your kind?” she asked surprised.

“No not many.  But most won’t settle in any one place.  Only those like us, who have given up hunting humans” I glanced slyly in her direction “Most can’t live among humans for any length of time.  We’ve only found one other family like ours, in a small village in Alaska.  We lived together for a time, but there were so many of us that we became to noticeable.  Those of us who live…differently tend to band together.”

“And the other’s?” she asked.

“Nomads, for the most part.  We’ve all lived that way at times.  It gets tedious, like anything else.  But we run across the others now and then, because most of us prefer the north.”  She was about to ask a question, but I already knew what she would say.  “Did you have your eyes open this afternoon?” I teased.  “Do you think I could walk down the street in the sunlight without causing traffic accidents?  There’s a reason we chose the Olympic Peninsula, one of the most sunless places in the world.  It’s nice to be able to go outside during the day.  You wouldn’t believe how tired you can get of the night time in eighty odd years.”

“So that’s where the legends came from.” She retorted.

“Probably” I replied.

“Alice came from another family like Jasper?” she asked.

“No, and that is a mystery.  Alice doesn’t remember her human life at all.  And she also doesn’t remember who created her.  She woke alone.  Whoever made her walked away, and none of us understand why, or how, he could.  If she hadn’t had that other sense, if she hadn’t seen Jasper and Carlsile and known that she would someday become one of us, she probably would’ve turned into a total savage.”

I gave Bella a lot to think about, and I could see she had so many more questions to ask.  Her stomach growled.  “I’m sorry; I have kept you from your dinner.  I’ve never spent so much time with someone who eats food.  I forget.”

“I want to stay with you” she said.

“Can’t I come in?” I asked.  “Would you like to?”  “Yes if that’s alright” I replied.

I got out quickly and went around and opened her door for her.  “Very human” she said.  “It’s definitely resurfacing”

I walked beside her in the night, so quietly that she had to peek over to see if I was still there.  I reached the door ahead of her and opened it for her.  She paused halfway through the door frame.

“The door was unlocked?” she said with a shocked look on her face.  “No, I used the key under the eave.” I replied.

She stepped inside and clicked on the porch light, then turned and looked at me.  “I was curious about you.”I said. “You spied on me?” she immediately said.

I looked down slightly ashamed.  “What else is there to do at night?”  She let it go for the moment and walked down the hall to the kitchen.  I was there before her, needing no guide.  I sat down in one of the chairs at the dining room table.

She concentrated on getting her dinner, taking out what I assumed was left over’s from last night’s dinner, lasagna from the fridge.  She placed a square of it on a plate, and heated it in the microwave. 

The kitchen filled with the aroma of tomatoes and oregano.  “How often?” she asked.  “Hmmm?” I said drifting back from my reverie. 

She didn’t turn around.  “How often did you come here?”

“I come here almost every night.” I replied.

She whirled around stunned. “Why?”

“You’re interesting when you sleep.”  I spoke matter of-factly.  “You talk”

“No!” she gasped, her face turned red as she blushed.  She gripped the counter for support.

My expression instantly shifted to chagrin.  “Are you angry with me?”

“That depends!” she said sounding like she had the wind knocked out of her.

I waited. “On?”I urged.

“What you heard!” she wailed.

Instantly and silently I walked to her side, taking her hands carefully in mine.

“Don’t be upset!” I pleaded. Dropping my face to the level of her eyes, and holding her gaze.  She tried to look away.  “You miss your mother,” I whispered.  “You worry about her.  And when it rains, the sound makes you restless.  You used to talk about home a lot, but it’s less often now.  Once you said, ‘It’s too green.’”  I laughed softly, hoping that I didn’t offend her further.

“Anything else?” She demanded.

I knew what she was getting at.  “You did say my name,” I admitted.

She sighed in defeat. “A lot?”

“How much do you mean by ‘a lot’ exactly?”

“Oh no!” she said hanging her head.

I pulled her to my chest, softly, naturally.  “Don’t be so self-conscious,” I whispered in her ear.  “If I could dream at all, it would be about you.  And I’m not ashamed of it.”

At that moment we both heard the sound of tires on the brick driveway, saw the head lights flash through the front windows, down the hall to us.  She stiffened in my arms.

“Should your father know I’m here?”I asked.

“I’m not sure…”she said.

“Another time then…” and I quickly disappeared.

“Edward!” she hissed.  I chuckled in the darkness.

I laid on her bed waiting for her to come up.  The door opened quickly “Edward?”She whispered.

I laughed quietly.”Yes?”

She whirled around, one hand going to her throat in surprise.  There I lay, smiling hugely, across her bed, hands behind my head, feet dangling off the edge, perfectly at ease.

“Oh!”She breathed, sinking unsteadily to the floor.

“I’m sorry.” I said pressing my lips together, trying to hide my amusement.

“Just give me a minute to restart my heart” She said as she took in a deep breath.

I sat up slowly, so I wouldn’t startle her again.  I leaned forward and reached out my long arms and picked her up, gripping the top of her arms like she was a toddler, and sat her on the bed beside me.

“Why don’t you sit with me,” I suggested, putting my cold hand on hers.  “How’s the heart?”

“You tell me…I’m sure you hear it better than I do.”  I laughed quietly.

We sat in silence for a moment, both listening to her heartbeat slow. 

“Can I have a minute to be human?” she asked.

“Certainly.” I gestured with one hand that she should proceed.

“Stay,” she said, trying to look severe.

“Yes, ma’am.” I replied.

She hopped of the bed, grabbing her pajamas off the floor, and her bag of toiletries off the desk, and slipped out the door, closing it behind her.

She flew into the room, closing the door tightly behind her.  I hadn’t moved an inch, she smiled.

I appraised her with my eyes, taking in her damp hair, the tattered shirt.  I raised one eyebrow.  “Nice.” 

She grimaced.

“No, it looks good on you.” I said quickly.

“Thanks,” she whispered.  She came back to my side, sitting crossed-legged beside me.  She looked down at the floor.

“What was all that for?” I asked.

“Charlie thinks I’m sneaking out.”

“Oh.”  I said contemplating.  “Why?”

“Apparently, I look a little overexcited.”

I lifted her chin, and examined her face.  “You look very warm, actually.”  I said bending my face slowly to hers, laying my cool cheek against her skin.  She held perfectly still.  “Mmmmmm…,” I breathed.

“It seems to be…much easier for you, now, to be close to me” she said.

“Does it seem that way to you?” I murmured, gliding my nose to the corner of her jaw.  I lightly brushed her damp hair back, so that my lips could touch the hollow beneath her ear.

“Much, much easier,” she said exhaling.

“Hmm.”

“So I was wondering…” she began again, as I traced my fingers alone her collarbone.

“Yes?” I breathed.

“Why is that,” her voice shook, “do you think?”

I breathed ever so lightly on her neck as I laughed.  “Mind over matter.”

She pulled back; I froze…and stopped breathing.  We stared cautiously at each other for a moment, then I relaxed my clenched jaw gradually, my expression puzzled.  “Did I do something wrong?”I asked.

“No…the opposite.  You’re driving me crazy,” she explained.

I considered that briefly, and spoke with a pleasing tone.  “Really?” I said a triumphant smile slowly coming across my face.

“Would you like a round of applause?” she asked sarcastically.

I grinned.  “I’m just pleasantly surprised,” I clarified.  “In the last hundred years or so,” I said teasing, “I’ve never imagined anything like this.  I didn’t believe I would ever find someone I wanted to be with…in another way than my brothers and sisters.  And then to find, even though it’s all new to me, that I’m good at it…at being with you…”

“Your good at everything,” she pointed out.

I shrugged, allowing it, and we both laughed in whispers.

“But how can it be so easy now?” she pressed.  “This afternoon…”

“It’s not easy,” I sighed.  “But this afternoon, I was still…undecided.  I’m sorry about that, it was unforgiveable for me to behave so…”

“Not unforgiveable,” she disagreed.

“Thank you.” I said smiling.  “You see,” I continued, looking down now, “I wasn’t sure if I was strong enough…”  I picked up one of her hands and pressed it lightly to my face.  “And while there was still that possibility that I might be…overcome”   I breathed in the scent of her wrist.  “I was…susceptible.  Until I made up my mind that I was strong enough, that there was no possibility at all that I would…that I could ever…”  I struggled so hard to say the words.

“So there’s no possibility now?” she asked.

“Mind over matter,” I repeated, smiling.

 

“Wow, that was easy,” she said.

I threw back my head and laughed, quietly as a whisper, but still exuberantly.  “Easy for you!” I amended, touching her nose with my fingertip.  My expression became serious.  “I’m trying,” I whispered, with pain in my voice.  “If it gets to be… too much, I’m fairly sure I’ll be able to leave.”

She scowled.  Not liking the talk of me leaving.

“And it will be harder tomorrow,” I continued.  “I’ve had the scent of you in my head all day, and I have grown amazingly desensitized.  If I’m away from you for any length of time, I’ll have to start over again.  Not quite from scratch, though, I think.”

“Don’t go away, then,” she responded, unable to hide the longing in her voice.

“That suits me,” I replied, relaxing my face into a gentle smile.  “Bring on the shackles…I’m your prisoner.”  I laughed my quiet, musical laugh.  I laughed more tonight then I had in all the time I’d spent with her.

“You seem more…optimistic than usual,” she observed.  “I haven’t seen you like this before.”

“Isn’t this what it’s supposed to be like?” I smiled.  “The glory of first love, and all that.  It’s incredible, isn’t it, the difference between reading about something, seeing it in pictures, and experiencing it?”

“Very different,” she agreed.  “More forceful than I’d imagined.”

“For example” I said my words flowing swiftly now, “the emotion of jealously.  I’ve read about it a hundred thousand times, seen actors portray it in a thousand different plays and movies.  I believed I understood that one pretty clearly.  But it shocked me…” I grimaced.  “Do you remember the day that Mike asked you to the dance?”

She nodded, remembering that day.  “The day you started talking to me again.”

“I was surprised by the flare of resentment, almost fury, that I felt…I didn’t recognize it at first.  I was even more aggravated than usual that I couldn’t know what you were thinking, why you refused him.  Was it simply for your friend’s sake?  Was there someone else?  I knew I had no right to care either way.  I tried not to care.” 

“And then the line started forming,” I chuckled.

“I waited, unreasonably anxious to hear what you would say to them, to watch your expressions.  I couldn’t deny the relief I felt, watching the annoyance on your face.  But I couldn’t be sure.”

“That was the first night I came here.  I wrestled all night, while watching you sleep, with the chasm between what I knew was right, moral, ethical, and what I wanted.  I knew that if I continued to ignore you as I should, or if I left for a few years, till you were gone, that someday you would say yes to Mike, or someone like him.  It made me angry.”

“And then,” I whispered.  “As you were sleeping, you said my name.  You spoke it so clearly, at first I thought you’d woken.  But you rolled over restlessly and mumbled my name once more, and sighed.  The feeling that coursed through me then was unnerving, staggering.  And I knew I couldn’t ignore you any longer.”  I was silent for a moment, listening to the uneven sound of her heartbeat.

“But jealousy…it’s a strange thing.  So much more powerful than I would have thought.  And Irrational!  Just now, when Charlie asked you about that vile Mike Newton…” I shook my head angrily.

“I should’ve known you’d be listening,” she groaned.

“Of course”

“That made you jealous, though, really?”

“I’m new at this; you’re resurrecting the human in me, and everything feels stronger because it’s fresh.”

“But honestly,” she teased, “for that to bother you, after I have to hear about that Rosalie…Rosalie, the incarnation of pure beauty, Rosalie…was meant for you.  Emmett or no Emmett, how can I compare with that?”

“There’s no competition.” He smiled.  I took her hands and draped then around my back, holding her close.  She kept as still as she could, even breathing with caution.

“I know there’s no competition,” she mumbled into my cold skin.  “That’s the problem.”

“Of course Rosalie is beautiful in her own way, but even if she wasn’t like a sister to me, even if Emmett didn’t belong with her, she could never have one tenth, no, one hundredth of the attraction you hold for me.”  I was serious now, thoughtful.  “For almost ninety years I’ve walked among my kind and yours…all the time thinking I was complete in myself, not realizing what I was seeking.  And not finding anything, because you weren’t alive yet.”

“It hardly seems fair,” she whispered, her face still resting on my chest, listening to my breath come and go.  “I haven’t had to wait at all.  Why should I get off so easily?”

“You’re right,” I agreed with some amusement.  “I should make this harder for you, definitely.”  I freed one of my hands, and released her wrist, only to gather it more carefully in my other hand.  I stroked her wet hair softly, from the top of her head to her waist.  “You only have to risk your life every second you spend with me, that’s surely not much.  You only have to turn your back on nature, on humanity…what’s that worth?”

“Very little…I don’t feel deprived of anything.”

“Not yet.” I said my voice was abruptly full of ancient grief.

She tried to pull back, to look in my face, but my hand locked her wrist in an unbreakable hold.

“What…” she started to ask, when my body became alert.  She froze, and I suddenly released her hands, and disappeared.

“Lie down!” I hissed.

She rolled under her quilt, balling up on her side, the way she usually slept.  The door opened, and Charlie peeked in to make sure she was still where she was supposed to be.  He quietly closed the door, and went to bed.

As soon as he departed, I was back on the bed with Bella, putting my arms around her, my lips at her ear.

“You are a terrible actress…I’d say that path is clear for you.”

“Darn it,” she muttered.  Her heart was crashing in her chest.

I hummed a melody, one she probably didn’t recognize.

I paused.  “Should I sing you to sleep?”

“Right,” she laughed.  “Like I could sleep with you here!”

“You do it all the time,” I reminded her.

“But I didn’t know you were here,” she replied icily.

“Well I’ll let you get some sleep; you need it you’ve had a long day.”

“No please don’t leave just yet.  I feel safe with you here.” She replied.

“Ok then, shall I sing to you, to help you sleep?”

“Please do.  What song is it anyways?” she asked.

“It’s just a song I composed myself” I said and started to hum it again.

“Well I like it, it is very comforting.” She said closing her eyes.

I continued to hum her lullaby, which she had no clue that I had written, with her as my inspiration.  Before I could finish she was sleeping soundly.  I lay there watching her sleep for a while, and then made my way home.